[muse]

nothing set in stone, but there's a really strong possibility i may be a single mama soon. at this point i can't even get too sad, i'd be so glad just to not be fighting all the time and for the kids to not have to deal with that. we have a long and complicated history (married twice to each other, divorced and apart for 5 yrs in the middle), and we still just don't seem to be able to figure out how to live together peacefully.

at the point we're at right now, if we didn't have kids I would have moved out some time ago for a trial separation, just to get some distance. with kids it's soo much more complicated, as you all know. i don't have any family support, any family i do have is 8,000 miles away. i have good friends but all are dealing with their own family situations. we rent a house that is much to expensive; i'm trying to find somewhere cheaper but it's really hard where we live. i'm not working at all right now, its been really hard for me to find work and i'm with the kids full time and hs-ing. i don't have a penny of my own to my name. dh earns a decent salary but we can barely support ourseleves on it, never mind pay for two homes. i would like to move to a much cheaper area but of course don't want to move the kids far from their dad.

we're seeing a counselor on monday and dh is looking for sublets or places to stay, but i'm so overwhelmed right now i'm not even sure what my next steps should be. find housing? find a school for ds? keep as much the same as possible? run for the hills?....

:

and i'm not even saying the hardest thing...that this is going to be so so so awful for the kids, i don't even know where to begin in talking with them about it. and i don't even know how i'll get through this week.

 

[meandmine]

Awe, honey, I know!!!!!

HUGS to you.

Take it slow.

Glad you are doing counseling.

Just wondering -- were the kids around for the first divorce? If so, that would mean to me that you all want to work really really really hard before doing it again. And I know you know that.

I can so relate to the living in an expensive area and not working. Mine just started full-day school this year -- up until a month ago I had one or the other child with me at all times (they are young). I am substitute teaching and taking classes to build myself up for re-entering the workforce as a school librarian (I have an MLS). Takes time and is exhausting and there isn't enough money regardless.

We too would like to move to a less expensive area, but my stbx wouldn't get paid as well and we SO don't agree on where we would move (there are only 2 states in the US he would consider and both of those are absolutely no go for me).

For the kids, read "Helping Your Children Cope with Divorce" and "The Truth about Kids and Divorce" among others. Those books helped me alot -- didn't sugar coat it, but helped know we could help them be ok in the long run.

Take it slow. Go for that counseling together or on your own. If you are a person of faith -- pray. I have found a great support in the DivorceCare program run through a nearby church. It is a national program offered by churches all over the US.

Ok, gotta go get ready for church ...

Hugs,

M