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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i am currently a SAHM that needs more time away to be sane. i always know when i am not getting enough time when i start getting easily provoked by dd. at times like these, i find it all too easy to snap at her or even sometimes yell. ugh, i feel like such a horrible mama when this happens. and it is very obvious that it does NOTHING for discipline b/c she just laughs at me! it is such a constant battle for me to not repeat the disciplinary methods that my mother used. i have to always remind myself that she is only 21 mos old!<br><br>
i am wondering, now, what to do to get her to stop hitting, climbing on high tables, biting, kicking, jumping on beds, just to name a few! LOL! i know now that my reaction to yell will probably just perpetuate this. but how do i redirect her or calm her? how do i undo what i've done so far? we're in some cycle that i can't seem to get rid of.<br><br>
btw, it is very hard to give her time out or time to calm down, b/c we live with my mom and don't have a special space for her to go like that. she likes to be in a room alone, it's fun!<br><br>
whew, this turned into a much longer vent than i thought it would be! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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Well I know that my DD knows when I am feeling stressed or just not totally focused on her and that's when she likes to try to push my buttons. Kids don't care if attention is negative or positive - it's attention.<br><br>
Luckily children are forgiving. She's only 21 mos so give yourself a break. You haven't screwed up. And you already know what you need to do.<br><br>
AS for her activity - they want to explore the world around them. Can you take her outside? To a park? enroll her in a class of some sort to burn off the energy?<br><br>
It's a trying age for sure. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
 

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For what it's worth, I don't think yo've screwed up. I think we all have a lot of learning to do, and every age brings new surprises (and struggles, and grief, etc...)!<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">i am wondering, now, what to do to get her to stop hitting, climbing on high tables, biting, kicking, jumping on beds, just to name a few!</td>
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My suggestion is that you reevaluate what is worth fighting her on and what isn't. I used to get all uptight over my dd being energetic and climbing or jumping, but when I thought about it, I realized that it really wasn't that big of a deal. For example, dd can climb on any furniture except the table. She can hit the floor, the bed, the pillows, but she may not hit people or the dog. She can jump on beds as long as I'm there to make sure she doesn't jump off. We kick balls outside. For example, if dd makes like she's going to hit, or starts play hitting, I tell her the things she can hit- the floor, or a stuffed animal. When she starts to climb on the table, we get her down and tell her she can climb on the couch, etc. Sometimes I think she just needs an outlet- and me demonstrating hitting the floor is always good for a laugh!<br><br>
There are certain things that are non-negotiable, like hitting other people or biting, and consequences for those are more serious. (Usually we remove her from the situation.) But really, since I stopped getting frustrated with her trying to release all the energy she has inside, things have been easier. And, we spend lots and lots of time outside and at parks and playgrounds where she can climb, jump etc to her heart's content!<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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First of all, in difficult times I try to remind myself that we are not meant to be living like this! Humans evolved in extended family groups, and the childrearing was shared among many adults. Intensive mothering by one adult to one or more children is not what any of us is designed for. So please don't beat yourself up. We can't be tolerant of our children if we are not tolerant of ourselves.<br>
Second (and I accept that this might seem contradictory to my first point), I strive to remember that if I "give up" and yell, I'm giving up on MYSELF, on my own potential to grow and change, to rise to the occasion, to learn from my child as he learns from me. This helps me to see things through his eyes, and live in the moment as he does.<br><br>
Hugs to mamasarah, and all of us who need more support than we get!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks everyone for your support!!<br><br>
also, good idea to offer an alternative to what she's doing that would still be helping her to get the energy out, stacymom. i am just worried lately about her climbing b/c she fell off my mom's bed while jumping the other day. plus, it doesn't help to be constantly surrounded by my parents, aunts, etc. that seem to be muuuuch more worried about that stuff than me!<br><br>
you're probably all right that i'm being to hard on myself b/c i always am! (or so i'm told)<br>
i just need to get out more, that'll help. plus hugs from mdc mamas always does the trick! thanks!
 

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At this age I think that you just constantly need to keep redirecting and changing scenery when her behavior starts to get into the dangerous or just plain annoying zone. She's too young to understand your reasons and trying to make her understand with a raised voice or time out wouldn't work anyway. Some days I wish I had a padded room that was completely free of any danger or compromising items so that I could just sit down while my kids play and not have to constantly be moving them away or helping them up or down off of things. Remember she's not doing those things to defy you she's doing them because she's curious and learning about her surroundings. It's hard sometimes to not feel like they're just doing things to push your buttons but they're really not. A great book to read is "What Babies Say Before They Can Talk". It has great hands on examples of situations such as the ones you've described. It's also an easy read and actually a little inspiring. It gave me a refreshed outlook and a little bit more compassion for those trying times.
 
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