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How do I go about leaving?

818 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Momof3Girlz
How do I go about leaving my dh, when I have no job, no money and 3 kids, two of which are very, very young?

I'm so tired of trying to make things work, only for him to turn around and tell me I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. I know he goes out and makes the money, I know he works hard and he's tired and his back hurts, and blah, blah, blah, but I'm tired too. When his head hits the pillow at night he doesn't wake till morning! Me??? I'm up several time nursing the 16 month old or getting the 2.5 yo a cup of milk...

I don't have anymore respect for him, I want out, or at least a break from him. This all seems really impossible since he supports us financially. I gave up a budding career in the financial industry to have my last two kids. For me to get back into that would take money for upgrading. Money which I don't have...

I don't know what to do. I feel very, trapped and depressed and alone. I feel like I just want to curl up and disappear. I'm so tired. I can't take the negativity anymore. My children are what helps me to put one foot in front of the other.

Thanks for letting me vent this stuff. I have nobody to talk to IRL.
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I'm so sorry you're feeling so down...

By upgrading, do you mean you would need to go back to school? If so, student loans could be a decent source of "income" and, with child support, might just be enough to scrape by. Is there anyone you can fall back on if you do decide to leave? Family around anywhere who you all could stay with until you get finances sorted out?

and strength to you...
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It sounds like you have some issues besides your marriage, and maybe working on those first is a better road right now. It sounds like you're overwhelmed - actually, it sounds like both of you are overwhelmed. Caring for two toddlers is a lot of work, plus you have and older child? Wow. Do you get some time to yourself? It doesn't sound like your husband is being very helpful in that area, so then maybe you need to hire a sitter, or swap with someone, or something. Go out for a long walk, sit at the park or in a cafe and read a fluffy book, just carve you some time for you. If you can, counseling also sounds like a good option, or couples counseling, if you're this unhappy with your marriage.

I know that leaving young children is controversial, and in some life situations mom can get her needs met without needing to do so, but sometimes, mom can't. If you take steps to find a good person, allow your child to get to know that person, and then leave for a short time period to recharge your batteries, that's a good thing. Even if the little ones cry or fuss. You need to take care of you. An unhappy, depressed, tired, trapped mom isn't the best mom you can be for your kids, and they will be happier if you're happier.

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I agree with trying couseling, etc first, but if that doesn't work in the end can't you go after alimony as well as child support? I would think the fact that you were the one to give up a career would weigh in your favor. Good luck
Thanks for the responses mamas

Well...I really am just so torn. I loath the fact that I feel like I have martyr myself and endure a relationship with a man who I feel, doesn't respect me, takes me for granted and has no interest in trying to do things that'll make me happy. I feel as though I'm the only one bending over backwards to please him and to make sure he's happy. All he gives me back in return is more critisisms (sp?) of what I'm not doing, or what I'm doing wrong.

Just to teach him a lesson, I'd like to get a job and be a successful person and that I can get along without him...except than that horrible feeling of guilt creeps in that I'd be leaving my kids with a childcare provider to do that. However, with each passing day this seems to be more and more of a reality. When I tell him I'm thinking about going back to work all he says is "Good, maybe then we can have some more money"

I've brought up the topic of counselling before and he said he'll do it, but that's as far as it goes...I know that if we are going to go that route I will have to set it all up. I just might do that. My kids deserve to live in a home where the people they love and look up to aren't constantly bickering and putting one another down.
It makes me so sad to think that that's how they've been living for all of their little short lives...

Dar, I agree with you that I need to take some time to recharge myself, a weekend at a spa would be lovely, LOL...
I do have a friend that I could ask and also my mom too...I don't know why, but I always hate to ask people, besides dh to watch them. They are very well-behaved. Hmmm, I guess I need to get over my Super Mom complex and get real, huh? Oh well, this post is getting to long, you all must be
by now, LOL...

Thanks everyone for your advice.
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