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I'm still in shock, I went in for a ten week check up and my baby apparently died around seven weeks. We had seen heartbeat and things looked great at 6 weeks. I had noticed some fading pregnancy symptoms, but our minds play tricks on us. i've been busy chasing around our two year old and didn't have time to worry about it.<br><br>
I worry the whole time I was pg with DS. It took 3 1/2 years of infertility hell before we conceived him, We had only been ttc about 8 months for this baby. We were so thrilled.<br><br>
I am having a D&C tomorrow. The baby died three weeks ago and I realize it could be many more weeks before I miscarried on my own. I just can't do it. I just can't go through the trauma of seeing the baby come out. But I understand how that can be part of the process for some people and I wish in a way it had happened for me like that, to have tangible evidence that this was real.<br><br>
How can I still make this real? We won't even know the baby's gender, but refuse to refer to him or her as "it".<br><br>
My parents drove in to help wiht DS. THe phone calls are coming, the e mails. I don't want to talk to anybody. The calls make it more real.
 

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Ary99,<br>
I am so sorry for your loss. With a toddler in tow, it can be so much more difficult to try to wait out a miscarraige, but I understand your feeling of wanting to make it seem more "real" for yourself by doing it naturally. The rollercoaster of emotions that you will probably go through in the coming weeks and/or months are totally normal, so please do what you can to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Big <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
Christina
 

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I posted to you in your other thread "Leaving You". I have quite a bit of resources in regard to this, I would be glad to share them with you.<br><br>
We went through this, same thing, no heartbeat...<br><br>
I am so very sorry this has happened.<br><br>
As a doula, not all of the mamas/families I have served have had the outcome they so wished. A few of them suffered miscarriage and stillbirth.<br><br>
If you want, PM me with your email and I can send you some information to help with concrete ways to honor your baby.<br><br>
I will check pm/email in the morning.<br><br>
~Wanda
 

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My heart is with you.<br><br>
I'm just three weeks ahead of you in this grieving thing, but I can affirm that yes, be patient and kind with yourself.<br><br>
It helped me to bury the fetus and create a little space there--flowers, a candle, a place to sit. Even if you don't have any remains to bury, I recommend taking a time to do whatever feels spiritualy right to you. Ritual can help make things real, help with healing, in ways our intellects just can't manage. I wrote a letter to the baby and buried that too, with some gifts.... I wasn't ready to do all that right away, it was almost a week for me--trust your own timing.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">It helped me to bury the fetus and create a little space there--flowers, a candle, a place to sit. Even if you don't have any remains to bury, I recommend taking a time to do whatever feels spiritualy right to you. Ritual can help make things real, help with healing, in ways our intellects just can't manage.</div>
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I absolutely second this. I'm not a religious person, but I needed to do physical things, like plant some flowers in the baby's name--I felt it honored the baby, marked that point in history, and helped me to say good-bye.<br><br>
Let yourself grieve however it comes. It may not happen right away, you might get hit with the reality of this all somewhere down the line, but whenever and however it happens, just go with it.<br><br>
Although I m/c at home, we didn't know the baby's gender either--but I had a dream during the m/c where I met my child and someone told me, "This is Emma." Dh and I refer to the baby as "Emma" now--it is comforting, and acknowledges our feelings that she was a real person.<br><br>
I'm so sorry you lost your baby.
 
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