So I just got married last year to my wonderful husband after a year of dating and I jumped right into mommy role to his 8yr old, 14 yr old and 16 yr old. My husband has full custody of only the 14yr old so she lives with us and goes to her bm house the usual every other weekend. When I dated my husband her mother never really was a mother to her. It wasn't until recently that she started making an effort to be involved in my step daughters life which I think is great. However, her standards of parenting are different than our households. We are stern and expect the best from her when she goes to her mothers she sees things and is allowed to do things not appropriate for her age. BM recently told her daughter to talk to her counselor about attending a summer program 2 1/2 hrs away at a university but never once did she talk to my husband about their daughters education. I told him what my step daughter told me and he got upset with me because I won't tell bm anything. BM lets our 16 yr old drink and thinks it's ok. I brought him home one day hung over and with a mark on his neck from his gf. I told my husband and he confronted her but I stayed quite which upsets him and in turn ends up creating a fight. Am I wrong for not speaking my mind and backing him up against bm. The hardest part of this is that my husband works out of town 3-4 mths at a time so I'm full time mom and dad to my step daughter. If it comes down to having to talk to bm I'm left doing it alone. Is there ever a time that it's ok to step in and confront her about what she is allowing my step daughter to do? I feel it's my husbands duty as her father to talk to bm.