[BabyBumblebee]

I'd love some input on this one:

Dh is the major earner in the house: I sah with dd (my vocation!) during the week, and I work on the weekends, and my salary goes towards the 'extra's': things like organic food for dd, gifts, haircuts, stuff like that. Dd and dh hang out together on the weekends when I'm working

He *loves* his job. He's working for a startup company, and we always knew that there would be risks. We made the decision to take this risk together as he was so unhappy in his last job. Well, they have a huge deadline coming up in Feb 2006, and yesterday the CEO announced that they would be enforcing a 60 hour work week (it's in their contracts)including a 'core' shift of 8am - 1pm on Saturdays. It is mandatory for all employees, including management. Dh will now be out of the house from m-f 7am to 7pm, and Saturday

So, the problem is this: I now have to go to my employer, and ask them if I can always work the late shift on Saturdays. I will not have *any* flexibility at all - and they are totally within their rights to not go for that. I'm still in my 3 month probation, and I'm so worried that I may lose my job

We're not prepared to put dd in daycare (or pay for it) and we don't have any friends or family locally who could help us out. I know that my job isn't vital, but I love being able to provide those extras for us, and I also get a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction at work.

I really want to be supportive of dh, and his career, but I feel so frustrated that our lives are being dictated with no thought to the knock-on effect

: It's really hard to not transfer that into resentment towards dh...I know he doesn't have a choice, but I hate the feeling that 'we' don't matter as much.

I'd love some advice on how to handle this....without putting pressure on dh, or turning into a misery!

TIA

 

[bu's mama]

My first thought is yeah it sucks, but it's temporary. If it goes on past the deadline I'd reevaluate. I'd be very upfront at your job...your concern about still be probationary, the fact that you can be more flexible after feb., that your really do like working at your job and don't want to lose it.

Gotta run...sick kiddo!

Good luck!

 

[MamaBug]

:

I agree, be honest with your employer and suck it up for the next few months. It is nice to supply that extra $$, I myself babysit to get those extras, but as you said it is very important that your dh like what he does. Good luck and I hope it all works out

 

[skueppers]

I wonder if it might help to think about this from a sort of old-fashioned point of view.

Marriage is a two-way street, but as you know, that doesn't mean both parties have the same roles and responsibilities.

When I decided to be a SAHM, this had a lot of advantages to our family beyond the act of mothering our daughter. I'm able to devote time to activities that save our family money, such as shopping for groceries in a more organized way, going to thrift shops, etc. I'm available to stay home and wait for the plumber. I have time to foster relationships with other families, improving our social life. I'm also able to support my husband's career in ways that might not be possible if I were employed outside the home -- he never has to stay home with a sick child, for example.

I view part of my role as a SAHM as facilitating his career growth. Not because I'm "sacrificing" something to do so, but because we're a team, and one of his roles is to earn the money that makes our lifestyle possible.

If you do lose your job as a result of this change in your husband's professional life, perhaps you will be able to use the additional time to find areas in your budget that could be cut to provide some of the extras your income was buying before. Or you may be able to take satisfaction in the idea that by supporting his career, you're increasing his earning potential in the future.

 

[Sharlla]

Is his working those extra hours pay the same as your job does? Maybe you can just quit your job and use your free hours to volunteer (assuming that is what you want to do) instead.

 

[plop]

Hi there ... new poster here!
First things first: Check with your job/boss/manager before getting worried. Maybe they can switch shifts. If not, is it hard to get weekend jobs in your area? If not, I would quit the job (if they wouldn't work with my new temporary schedule) and find a new one once things are back to normal. Do like a pp poster said and use your extra time to research ways to save money on the extras for a couple of months. I actually have a job like your partner's, in that if we have a giant deadline coming up, we are stuck working extra hours. I realize you may not like daycare, but perhaps you could find a play group for your child, or if she is too young, a trusted babysitter, just for those five hours? I think that's a lot different then having your child in daycare for 40 plus hours a week. (I have my kids in daycare for at least 40 per week, but I'm a single mom and someone has to bring home the bacon! They seem fine so I don't worry about it ... frankly, daycare is my lifesaver, but that's another post!). But I wouldn't waste time getting upset, chances are your manager WILL work with you.

 

[janebug]

I'd say focus on two things:
it is temporary and your work may be more amenable than you think!

Try to remember it's only till february. ( now if this happens again and again, that is another topic) but it is a start-up and these things happen. Try to plan some special activities for you and dc so you don't get to feeling too lonely. ( I started having a special thing to do at dinner to combat it!)

And just have high expectations of your employer! if you do a good job and i bet you do becuase you enjoy it so much, they will probably be glad to accommodate you! The workplace is full of people with children and employers know it and the good ones recognize that keeping their employees happy by making it easier for them to raise children makes everything better for everyone!

GOOD LUCK and take lots of breaks and deep breaths and do something special for yourself every now and then!