[dr.j]

I am just heartbroken to even have to write this. I'm pretty sure we are going to have to put my dog to sleep. He had a disc injury that he recovered from 5 months ago, but he has had a really had relapse. The medication hasn't helped, and his condition is getting a lot worse. We can't afford surgery, so I think we will probably have to put him down.
He and my 2 year old son are little buddies. He always cries when the vet takes him out of the room to weigh him, and he talks about how our house is his and the dog's house. Are there any books or online sites that have ideas on how to help my son prepare for my dog not being here any more. I know it will be hard for us anyway, but I'm hoping for advice on what to tell him to prepare him. Also, what are some things I can do if our dog does have to be put down (in terms of things I should do afterward for my son)?
TIA

 

[Destinye]

Sorry to hear about your dog and just wanted to suggest acupuncture may help and you could find a vet at www.ivas.org or www.ahvma.org anyhow it can definitely help (depending how much nerve damage is present and wanted to put it out there.)

If it looks like there is no other options there are a few books that could help:

Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant (for children)

Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping by Marty Tousley

Also some links here may help:

http://www.avma.org/careforanimals/a...plhotlines.asp

Good Luck and hope you don't end up having to need the links after all.

 

[dr.j]

Thanks so much for the info. I have been thinking about trying acupuncture. I was going to call UC Davis tomorrow, but he suddenly got a lot worse this afternoon. I think I'll look on your links to see if I can find a vet to call tonight.
Thanks again. This is so awful. My little dog is a total sweetie, and we've had him for 7 years. It's so hard to see him deteriorate.

 

[girlndocs]

I am so sorry to hear you might lose your dog

What a tough situation!

If it were me and my child, I would definitely be honest but keep it very simple. I would tell him that we won't see Doggy anymore, he won't ever come back, and talk with him about how much we miss Doggy and how sad we are that he's gone. Depending on the child I might bring up how "sometimes" bodies stop working, and then the dog doesn't move, or eat, or bark anymore like it used to.

I wouldn't talk about "heaven". To a toddler that makes it sound like the dog is literally some other place and I think it would be confusing, especially when you try to get across the fact that the dog isn't coming back.

I don't know that I'd tell the kid in advance. I might tell him after the fact that while he was at the vet, Doggy died. But it sounds like you're in the habit of taking your son with you to vet visits, which might make things tricky and shade this tactic into the area of deception, KWIM? Especially if he feels like you snuck out to take the dog to the vet.

If it were my family I would bring the body home, and let my child touch it and look at it to see that it wasn't "working" -- that it has changed -- and to say goodbye, allow some sense of closure beyond the dog simply disappearing. I know that yard burials aren't possible for everyone, though.

It's so hard, isn't it? 2-year-olds can experience every bit of the grief that an adult can, but they can grasp so much less of the situation

ETA: the classic children's grief book is "The 10th Good Thing About Barney". It's about a cat but it would be really easy to just say "dog" instead when you read it. Another book that addresses death factually and very simply is "The Dead Bird" by Margaret Wise-Brown, it just describes how some children find a dead bird, hold a funeral for it and put flowers on the grave.

 

[shannon0218]

I've found children tend to deal with the loss of a pet much better than we expect they will. They seem to have some attachment and they seem to "know" the pet is gone now.
The books Destinye suggested are GREAT and I also second her idea to try accupuncture--and I'd throw chiro in there too. I can't remember the link right now to find a veterinary chiro but if I remember it I'll come back and post it.
Havoc ruptured a disc in his back a few years ago now. I thought for sure we'd loose him, he is so big nobody wanted to operate on him. We basically did everything short of surgery, chiro, accupuncture, water therapy and steroids. It tooka couple weeks but he walks normally now and he can still outrun his 2 yr old daughter.