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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are a military family and moved from HI to TX about 6 months ago. We had a great life in HI, good friends, plenty of activities to do, oldest dd was in a little preschool, etc. Since moving to TX, we have none of that. We are pretty isolated and are struggling to make connections. I had to go back to work full time after being a sahm for 3 years. I work mid shift so I'm still at home with the kids most of the time, or they go to work with me.<br><br>
What I am struggling with is that I really want to move to our homestate of MO. I have friends and family there, the kids would have friends, etc. The thing is, dh would have to stay here for two more years. I think about moving EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I dont' want to leave dh i.e.-break up our marriage, I just want to have seperate houses until he leaves the military. I know that is absurd and the he would miss out on the kids development but damn I am just not happy here. Neither is my four year old. She seems to be depressed. She is just not the same little girl she was in Hawaii.<br><br>
I don't know what to do....dh thinks I have already made up my mind to leave, but I told him that I won't. I just don't know what to do.....
 

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Growing up in a military family I can relate. My dad had to live overseas a couple of times (for a year each time) away from our family. We couldn't go with him. It was very, very hard and I agree with you that your decision to keep your family together is so important.<br><br>
If I were in your shoes I'd find a counselor not associated with the military that you can talk to. Probably just a few sessions would help you find your way out of your "moved from paradise to Texas" funk and help you find ways to make connections in Texas.<br><br>
Once you take care of your own feelings your kids will follow suit.<br><br>
There's nothing like being a military wife and mom. It takes extra back bone to keep your spirits up and also carry the extra weight of being the emotional support for the whole family (I don't mean that civilian moms don't have this, too, but military moms face extra challenges that civilian moms in the normal course of life don't encounter). Sounds like you've already got that going for you and you can do this, too.<br><br>
If you can talk to someone and then start making connections the two years will fly by, and who knows, you might even miss Texas when you finally get to move home.<br><br>
Best wishes!
 

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You wouldn't be at Hood would you? Everyone I know who has/is stationed there says the isolation from normal life is what kills them... A friend of ours is bi-polar, and had been doing great til stationed there {well her DH was stationed there} from practically the day they got there, she spiraled so fast it shocked everyone. She ended up having to move in with her parents in New Jersey so they could monitor her therapy<br><br>
I agree with all the other posters. and I want to offer <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s as well as prayers for you and your family
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
no, we are in Abilene. I really dislike TX, and I'm suffering from ppd on top of everything else and it just sucks!
 

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We have been at Hood and that was hard, I know I wasn't the only one.<br><br>
Abilene is pretty bad too from what I've heard. Hang in there. What you need to do is get help, counseling or something for the PPD, try your best to connect on line with people in the same space, find a playgroup on base, find a work friend, something, anything to pull yourself up. It's very hard to stop dwelling on the feelings but you have to or you will never feel better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">: I was miserable like that for a long time and realized I can't change his job or where it sends us but I can try my best to avoiding letting it crush me.<br><br>
They are starting to do away with the geographical bachelor thing to save money so think of the out of pocket costs to you before you jump. Hang in there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pilesoflaundry</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We have been at Hood and that was hard, I know I wasn't the only one.<br><br>
Abilene is pretty bad too from what I've heard. Hang in there. What you need to do is get help, counseling or something for the PPD, try your best to connect on line with people in the same space, find a playgroup on base, find a work friend, something, anything to pull yourself up. It's very hard to stop dwelling on the feelings but you have to or you will never feel better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">: I was miserable like that for a long time and realized I can't change his job or where it sends us but I can try my best to avoiding letting it crush me.<br><br>
They are starting to do away with the geographical bachelor thing to save money so think of the out of pocket costs to you before you jump. Hang in there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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I have meds for the ppd, didn't do counseling because the base psych is just not very personable-I don't like talking to her. I tried the base playgroup, it totally sucks. It's a bunch of battery operated toys (whose batteries are all dead) in a rolling trash can. The kids just go nuts and run all over the place and the parents don't watch them. The director of the playgroup is a huge germ freak with a list of rules you have to read and sign. Oldest dd is about 2years older then the next oldest kid there.<br><br>
The people I work with are all a lot younger then me, and just not in the same place I am in their lives.<br><br>
What is a "geographic bachelor?" I've never heard of it.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">What is a "geographic bachelor?" I've never heard of it</td>
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a man living apart from his family. still married and all, but not co habitating with his family or in the same general area as his family...<br><br>
or at least that's the definition we use...
 

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I just wanted to let you know that you're definately not alone in feeling isolated and alone at your base mama. DH and I recently moved to Japan for 3 years for the Air Force and I ended up having to be put on Zoloft and get scheduled for counseling because of the fact.<br><br>
Anyway, some things that (luckily) happened to me were that I met two really nice women here on base. One was out of luck because DH and I are the only people in his shop that own a van and that allows us to be the sponsors for spouses when they arrive here, thus I get to meet people as they come in. Even though I am someone who is of the mindset that if someone wanted to talk to ME they would call me, but I have managed to get over that and make the calls myself to try and keep the fledgeling friendships going.<br><br>
I also try to get out of the house as much as possible while DH is at work...which of course has been a normal 14-16 hours a day since we got here. I try to do simple things like running errands and going to the self-help store to see if they've fixed their paint mixer (don't ask) yet since I want to paint Jayda's room pink before she gets here.<br><br>
When DH is done with ALS I will be coordinating with his supervisor to try and find out about starting a program that allows us as SPOUSES to sponsor other SPOUSES who arrive. It's easy enough to get a sponsor for an airman, but who really takes the time to show the wives of those airman what the base has to offer them or how to navigate the base and the surrounding city? So I'm trying to get myself into something like that, even though it's not paid work.<br><br>
If you ever need somebody to chat with, my IM names are all in my profile...although I'm 15-16 hours ahead of you for timezones I am usually here when people in the states are home from work and such.<br><br>
I hope you can find ways for you all to live there MENTALLY healthy.
 

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OMG, mama. Abilene. I have family there, and I have also lived in HI-- Schofield Barracks.<br><br>
I can see why you are considering something so desperate... the culture shock/disappointment/lack of soul in Abilene would probably drive me to tears. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and PPD on top of that. Not a good scene.<br><br>
I think it's more than moving from Paradise to Texas-- it'd be like moving from normal life to the armpit of hell. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Sigh. Okay, maybe that was rather undiplomatic.<br><br>
Would it be possible to make a vacation to MO? Just pack up the kids and drive down for a month or two and "try it out?" At least it'd provide you with something GREEN to look at-- MO is really lovely in the spring. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
And I'd definitely seek out some counselling from someone not connected to the military-- and preferably not some "Christian counseling" quack, either-- freakin Abilene!!!!<br><br>
ETA: I'm the product of a military family, too. And I remember my mama danged near going out of her mind during a particularly isolating, hard assignment. It is so hard to have so little basic control of your life. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kaitnbugsmom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">a man living apart from his family. still married and all, but not co habitating with his family or in the same general area as his family...<br><br>
or at least that's the definition we use...</div>
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Yes that is what I meant. In the OP you mentioned moving home and collecting the bah, that is what the military calls geographical bacholor. You live one place with the kids, he lives where the job is. The gov. doesn't want to pay bah for the family and barracks for the soldier to live in anymore, it's getting harder to do so I said think of out of pocket expenses before you do that in the event they won't pay the bah if you go back home until this assignement is over. I was going to do it while dh was in school for 11 months, stay at our old base while he was in school but they denied it. Told me I would have to move off post or go with him, I couldn't stay on post and couldn't collect bah while he was at school. So I went with him.
 

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we are not military, but I am having many of the same feelings as you.<br><br>
Dh and I grew up in Indiana/Illinois. When we married, we moved to Idaho for dh's job. We absolutely fell in LOVE with Idaho and the community we lived in, had great friends and a great life there.<br><br>
His job became very unstable and we got out when we could, and dh took a great job in his hometown (adjacent to my hometown). I hate it here. He loves it here, loves that ds actually *knows* our family, etc. I like that part too, but it doesn't make up for the fact I feel totally displaced.<br><br>
There are no LLL, no playgroups, people don't even know what AP is here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I also went from working a part-time *very* flexible job to full-time and lots of evening hours. I hate that too. I hate feeling like life revolves around work. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Sorry mama, no great advice, no I know where you're coming from.
 

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I am a military spouse as well and I can only offer a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I recently started counseling to deal with lots of stuff, but one of the things is the fact that we moved from a place that we were completely happy, involved in our church, wonderful friends, a place in the community to HERE. terrible churches, the base playgroups are terrible, etc. We've been here four years now, and *now* I'm making real friends. Of course, now, we're scheduled to move again this summer.<br><br>
Did you know that with Tricare Prime, you are authorized 8 visits to an approved provider for therapy *without a referral*? It's called self referral, you just call them up and make an appt, tell them you're Tricare and no problem. And THEN, the best part is, after the 8th visit, if you and your therapist want to continue, he/she sends in the paperwork to Tricare. You don't have to do a thing. No visits to the family doc to get permission, not necessary to see the one on base that you don't connect with, nothing. NO REASON NOT TO DO IT!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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If he were to go overseas then he would be gone for a lengthy amount of time right? Maybe it would work out. If he would agree to it then maybe he could visit you periodically or you could fly over and visit him. However, I can't imagine NOT wanting to live in a different state for a couple of years. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: Sounds like a dream to me. Atleast it's only temporary or that's how I would look at it. You could always fly home and visit family from time to time.
 

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Wow. I can totally relate. My DH is here as a pilot at Little Rock AFB. I seriously want to throw myself down a set of stairs 95% of the time. I hate AR. I'd much rather be at Dyess (and that is one of our next choices). I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone. I find it hard to make friends here (I do live on base) and I have had such a hard time finding AP friendly women and NFL families. Additionally, there is very little to do here for my 13 month old boy. The zoo sucks, etc., etc.<br><br>
I wouldn't want to be away from my DH, but if I was truly about to lose it nad was misreble day in and day out, I'd move away to another state!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
LOL Cardinal! Little Rock was on the list of openings and we wanted to get that base, just for the fact it was the closest to our hometown.
 
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