[Jessie'sMom]

dd is 9mo and we've been co-sleeping her entire life. it's not working for dh anymore. actually, he never wanted to co-sleep so he's been on the couch since dd was 3mos. It's really taking a toll on our marriage and he refuses to come back into the bedroom until dd is in her own bed in her own room.

Right now she starts the night in her crib, next to our bed. For the most part she'd only sleep for 20-30min on her own and then want to stay latched on. The last 3 nights she's slept for about the first 2 hours on her own. I've even been putting her back in the crib if I'm still awake enough to do it. So she will stay in her bed until about midnight. I'd really like to transition her to her crib full time. My quality of sleep is really terrible and I've been exhausted. And now that dd is mobile she will wake up and crawl all over the bed in the middle of the night--I've been lucky enough to catch her. I want dh back in bed with me and if I don't do something soon I won't have a dh.

Can someone point me in the right direction? Are there books on night weaning? Anyone else with a similiar experience?

FTR-I don't just let dh tell me what to do-this isn't him putting his foot down and saying it's co-sleeping or our marriage. I've finally come to the decision that dd really does need to be in her own bed now and in a month or so in her own room. While I love sleeping with dd, it's just not working for me anymore. And we still nap together or she'll take naps on me.

In my perfect world this wouldn't be an issue. But it is and I'd really like some guidance with this.

I've also noticed that when dd does sleep in her crib for naps she'll sleep longer. I'm thinking it's because she can freely roll over and move around and she isn't confined if I'm holding her, etc.

 

[sarbear]

The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley has some good ideas. I haven't done it, but I understand it to be a *process* if you go about it gently (which you absolutely should). It might not be easy, and it might take a long time. I would enter it with patience and try to set aside the sense of urgency. Hopefully your dh can be understanding and empathetic with your dd through this process.

 

[alegna]

9 months is too old to force nightweaning- period. So if you need her to sleep in a different space you need to plan to get up at night to nurse her.

-Angela

 

[mightymoo]

I second the No Cry Sleep Solution - it's not just about night weaning, she has recommendations on transitioning. I agree that she's too young to be nightweaned, but that doesn't mean you can't work on trying to reduce the number of night nursings somewhat using Pantley's method.

I think the key to a good transition is retaining your babies trust. Do not try to do too many things at once. If getting her out of the room is the most important, then work on getting her to sleep in her crib and nothing else - that means not trying to string out feedings or getting her to fall asleep awake, etc. Try to keep as much the same as possible, and change one thing at a time. Persistence is key - yes its frustarting you may have to go to her every 15 minutes the first night, but if you do that and you are there for her she can relax and adjust to the new environment - if she doesn't feel like you will come when she calls then she will resist the new environment that much more strongly.

I have never done this personally, but I would probably get a mattress or something and sleep in her room next to the crib for a while (your DH can move back into your bed) - that way you can be right there and comfort her until she's better adjusted, then work on getting her use to you not being there.

 

[ryleeee]

we set up haye's toddler bed a few weeks ago and put it next to our queen size bed --which is just the 2 mattresses on the floor --in the corner (snug against the wall)...and it fits perfectly. there's maybe a 1/2 inch difference between his bed and ours. he still nurses at night, i just pull him over and put him back when he's sleeping again. it's working SO great for us, whereas before my husband was sleeping on a small cot mattress on the floor and we were losing our minds trying to figure out how to make co-sleeping work for us, with a crazy, squirmy, sideways sleeping, nurse 6 times a night baby.

 

[LadyBee]

We are also looking to transition soon and I am happy to hear about the No Cry Sleep Solution. Would you all recommend that book, or the one for toddlers if DS will be 15m when we start the transition? TIA!

 

[Minaret]

I have the exact same problem you described. DH is sleeping in another room, complains that we don't use the crib at all, and DS is 8 months old and now waking up during the night and crawling all over the bed.

I work full time and right now things are really stressful. I wouldn't have the energy to even try a different sleeping solution right now, but I do miss my DH in bed. We argue a lot more, too.

I love sleeping with DS, but its getting to be a safety issue. Our room is way too small to put padding or other blankets on the floor. The crib is scary because DS can easily pull himself up on the railings and stand, then fall backwards against the wood railings and hit his head (he did this once very hard and it really scared me). So I don't know what to do. I can't imagine waiting until he is 2 to transition him, but on the other hand, I like that he is so close by. He also nurses frequently through the night.

What do other folks do?