[JamieCatheryn]

DS is 4 months old now. I'm hoping through my son's childhood to keep his toys pared down to just a few high quality, useful, and fun toys. It seems that most of the time you can only get good wooden toys and such online. Not everyone shops online. Before, I basically made a request for very little plastic, no battery operated stuff, and please give books if unsure. Well, this resulted in nothing but stuffed animals, no books. I don't want a ton of stuffed animals for him, I want him to have good toys! Should I just put out a wish list in the future? I've looked at big kid's toys, it doesn't get much easier to find good stuff in typical stores as they get older. I hate to tell people specifically what to give him and where to get it, but what else can I do?

 

[serenetabbie]

I wish I had suggestions for you, but I don't. I have this problem too. I have found that making a detailed list does not help at all in my case. I made wish lists one year (the kids did actually), at the ILs request, then sent the list and the catalouge to them. The kids still got a bunch of plastic battery operated toys that ended up at goodwill.

It's mostly DH's family that does not listen at all. They go so overboard with gifts. I am trying not to sound ungrateful (although I am sure some people here will say I am anyway), I am blessed to have people who love my kids so much they want to shower them with gifts... but my kids have way way too much junk and frankly the ILs don't have money to throw away on toys my kids don't play with. They come from a whole different world of disposable items and vast consumerism... we just don;t see eye to eye. The only thing I can suggest is to return or re-gift the stuff you don't want/need. It's easy when they are babies

 

[Kaitnbugsmom]

I wish I had some advice that would work. We "demanded" no more than 3 gifts per kid, preferably 1 clothing item, 1 book and 1 toy/educational game. they end up with a ton of cheap, useless toys, one or two books total from a total of nine people who gave them gifts, and outfits that are either 1- not anything I'd allow my cat, let alone my child to wear in public, or 2- the wrong size, despite their sizes being clearly stated on the gift lists everyone asked for.

If you figure out something that works, LMK. I'm at my wits end

 

[Om Girl]

I ran into this with our DD!

I told my mom, dad, brother, MIL, FIL, SMIL, BIL, basically everyone that we were only going to be using wooden toys, building blocks and books. I never told them what they could and couldn't get for DD, but they definately took the hint.

I also created a wishlist on www.wishlist.com for DH, DD and myself.
You can list exactly what you want...descriptions, colors, sizes, link URL's and websites, stores where it's available, etc. It's great!
You can notify everyone via email that you've created a wishlist and then they'll be sent the password so that they can view your wishlist. You can update it at anytime and denote if an item is for a special event such as a birthday, anniversary, just because, etc.
This has definately cut down on DD's receiving toys we don't want her to have! Currently she has her own library bookcase "stocked" and she's only 4 months old!

Good luck

 

[AuntLavender]

You can ask but don't expect results! LOL!

My in-laws would rather spend $100 on each of my 4 children buying inferior Chinese child made plastic junk than buy them lessons at the cool local art school where they go or passes to the many places here in Central FL we'd like to go (zoo, Sea World, etc.).

I give up. I buy my children 1-3 treasures and that's that.

My folks are somewhat better in that they take the children out shopping and you never know what they might get!

 

[Lilcrunchie]

Some of my family gets it, and some of my family does not. He's 2.5, so I'm still able to make things "disappear" and donate them after he's enjoyed them a short time (and he never misses what I've cleared out) but as time goes on, this will be more difficult.

This year I actually have been brainstorming what DH and I will get him for the holidays, as we have another baby on the way due a few weeks before Christmas, so I want to get my shopping done early. In any case, part of what I did was to make up a list of mainstream options that were desirable, in case anyone asks (that doesn't happen all that often unfortunately).

Realistically, most of my family/DH's family won't go out of their way to find online retailers, etc. that sell the types of toys we buy ourselves, and although there are lots of brick and mortar stores that sell quality things that twe would use, most people don't know where to look.

This year's list of more mainstream options includes art supplies (as DS is getting more interested in things like playdoh, etc.). Paint brushes, washable markers, glue sticks, stickers, fuzzy pom poms, finger paint, paper (we use huge tablets for watercolor painting with DS that AC Moore and Michaels sell), etc.

I also added a few board games as he's getting more interested in these (Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, Zingo, Barrel of Monkeys, Zingo, etc.).

Not sure what will show up on our doorstep, but worth a try I guess

:

 

[Aeress]

I found that my mil finds things that are in my childs interest and then goes way over board. she bought the whole dora house and it is just overwhelming for my dd(4) to play with. I even tried putting away some of the pieces and she still stares at it...this is my child who will make things our of sticks and paper, so i know that she wasn't into the toy.

 

[accountclosed3]

one of my friends 'divided duties' between the families. Each family member was given a 'type of toy' that they were allowed to buy. Maternal grandmother covered stuffed toys; paternal grandmother covered educational toys; maternal uncle did books; paternal aunt did art supplies. she then set a dollar amount per holiday. grandparents had higher numbers than aunts/uncles. She asked friends to not buy gifts at all.

she divided duties based on the individual person's seeming interest. this seemed to help a lot and keep people focused. Right before the holiday, she would make suggestions of how parents and aunt/uncle could combine efforts.

 

[Zach'smom]

I was always taught that it was bad manners toask for specific gifts unless asked.

When people ask I give specific items in a variety of price ranges.

If DS gets something that is not appropriate I return it or regift it or give it to charity.

A giver has a right to give the gift they want to give. Once it is in your house you have the right to do what you want with it.

If a relative asks where XY or Z is be honest. Tell them you do not allow DC to play with plastic toys or wear inappropriate clothing, etc. Most people will eventually get the hint.

I think that most people have DC's best interest at heart. They just need to realize that one nicely made toy is much better then a pile of cheap crap that will break in ten minutes.

 

[momto l&a]

Thankfully my inlaws because of the costs of shipping would rather give more$$ than ship. So the kids can buy what they want with their money or if its Christmas dh and I pick out all the gifts with the $$ given to us for them.

Dh and Iwrite down ideas all year of stuff we think the girls would really be into or like.
It works out very well IMO.

 

[ellesmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zach'smom I was always taught that it was bad manners toask for specific gifts unless asked. When people ask I give specific items in a variety of price ranges. If DS gets something that is not appropriate I return it or regift it or give it to charity. A giver has a right to give the gift they want to give. Once it is in your house you have the right to do what you want with it. If a relative asks where XY or Z is be honest. Tell them you do not allow DC to play with plastic toys or wear inappropriate clothing, etc. Most people will eventually get the hint. I think that most people have DC's best interest at heart. They just need to realize that one nicely made toy is much better then a pile of cheap crap that will break in ten minutes.

This sounds like the best, most realistic advice for me. Good Call! I will keep this in mind.

I also have a huge problem with getting crap gifts too and am looking for advice on how to handle it w/o being impolite.

 

[celestialdreamer]

I have a problem with Dhs side of the family buying way too many gifts for not just dd but dh & myself too. Dd & ds are the *only* kids in the family but the family is just obsessed with spending lots of money on gifts for each of the 15 or so adults in the family.

: As much as I appreciate the thought, 90 % of what they buy us goes to Goodwill the week after Christmas. Last year I gave everyone some jars of homemade jam and my MIL gave them all a card saying she had donated money to Habitat for Humanity in the family name. She & I are sick of the insane amounts of gifts piled halfway through the room that has the Christmas tree. Its just crazy!

I tried tactfully mentioning that Anna does not play with plastic or battery operated toys, and they seemed to get the point. Except now she gets like more clothes than she needs for an entire year (Dhs aunt bought her 4 expensive coats last year!) and a mountain of stuffed toys. My MIL and I have both explained that we would prefer to do a gift exchange and to limit the gifts, but they were not interested.

It makes me sad that they spend money on us and then we have to give most of it away, but I cannot let my home become the hoarding nightmare that most of Dhs family lives like. I dont really think there is a nice way to ask for a specific kind of gift, so you just have to find a good way to donate what you cant use.

 

[ollineeba]

We have a nice toystore near us that specializes in wooden toys, quality items (like the kathe kruse- sp?) dolls, melissa & doug items.
Do you have anything like that near you where you could direct them and then they could pick the actual gift??

 

[holliebug]

.

 

[hlkm2e]

For close family, basically our parents and siblings (who we have good relationships with), I talked about our wishes to have wooden toys or other toys that the kids play with, rather than watch do something. I signed everyone up for Magic Cabin catalogues. I explained that I knew these toys were more expensive, but felt many fewer would be fine because of how versitile they are. They seemed to get it and dd has gotten really awesome gifts. No batteries to be found.

As far as anyone else who gives us gifts. We are just gracious. Dd plays with them a little and as soon as the initial newness wears out, they usually are given away. My MIL teaches ESL and many of her students are here for just a few years while their parents are in school, so they don't have a ton of stuff while they are here. She takes all the stuffed animals and plastic toys to school and gives them away to her students.

We are lucky that our family agrees with our toy choices. If they didn't, I guess we would just keep some favorites and give the rest away.

 

[alsoSarah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zach'smom I was always taught that it was bad manners toask for specific gifts unless asked. When people ask I give specific items in a variety of price ranges. If DS gets something that is not appropriate I return it or regift it or give it to charity. A giver has a right to give the gift they want to give. Once it is in your house you have the right to do what you want with it.

 

[emdeecee_sierra]

This is a hard question. In my view, unless someone asks, you are at their mercy lol. If they ask, you can give them a wish list, or general aim, such as wooden toys, or general avoid, such as plastic, battery operated, annoying sounds, etc. But even still you might (probably

) won't see the results you want.

FIL was sending literally mountains of gifts at Christmas in order to have more under the tree than any other relatives (*sigh*). DH finally told him to stop sending so much junk. FIL has complied fairly well so far. But he and his wife still have a propensity toward sending annoying toys with sounds. Those get donated.

 

[Neth Naneth]

When I was a kid and we moved I remember between my two brothers and I we had several large garbage bags of stuff animals alone. (We weren't throwing them out either.)
I feel bad

saying it but I haven't bought my 9 week old any toys yet because he has such an extended family that I knew there was going to be tons of gifts. Sure enough though they are the kind of things that I wouldn't get anyway, and he isn't to crazy about them either. Plus we live in a house that is smaller then most apartments so already the stuff animals are taking over. I don't know what it is but it seams that everytime someone comes by they bring a stuff animal which are too dangerous at the age to let him play with

: . I can't afford to buy the toys I would rather see him play with when he older such as wooden blocks and what not but from the things that I have already recieved I can see a mattern of more plastic, battery powered things and of course stuff animals. Ironicly in all of the things that my son has right now he really only enjoys a wooden spoon that I let him have. It is light enough for him to hold and he like the texture more so then the plastic items that he has.

I think though that what I don't want around for the next baby I will give away once he grows out of it. I feel totally comfortable asking my side of the family for specific things partly because they agree with me about the wooden toys over plastic and of course my mom know all about too many stuff animals. And for his father's side I guess the only thing I can do is to say thank you and try to find room for it.

 

[caeden&connersmom]

I'm very lucky, in that MIL never gives toys to the boys that she hasnt either asked me if it was okay or asked me what to get them. She will ask me what she can get them for Birthdays Christmas etc. and I will send her the website and item. I do the same with my mom. Choice 2 is money. Then I can buy what I want them to have!

That said, DH's g-ma buys the cheapest Dollar Store toys for them, we thank her, and they find there way back out of the house, no hurt feelings. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it

If you feel comfortable enough and people ask, I would go specific (Under the guise you want to make sure DC doesnt get 2 of something

) Otherwise, request money and accept that you *will* still receive unwnted gifts.

 

[EyesOfTheWorld]

What's worked for us is making up wishlists on Amazon.com (we really only want books for DD1 at this point) and sending them out at Christmas and birthdays with a note saying "If you're interested in getting something for Autumn, these are some books she'd love."

We still get piles of cheap plastic junk from my in-laws, but they do it with good intentions (or so we think, they know darn well we tryto abstain from TV and branded characters, and yet her only birthday gifts were Disney DVDs?!) and we usually compromise. If it's something not horribly offensive (and there are a few kids toys that really do offend me!) we'll let her keep it, and in a few weeks I ask her if she'd like to give it to kids that don't have any toys. Then we take it to the donation center together so she's a part of the process. She's starting coming to me on her own with toys and saying "I don't want this anymore, let's give it to the kids without toys, please mama!"

I think like a previous poster mentioned, just remember people are buying gifts because they love your children and want to see them happy.