How Do You Deal With TEMPER TANTRUMS???

My son does that in his high chair when he's not hungry. He's 18 months now but has been doing it a long time. I just set him free and make sure to get a good snack into him later. Just like adults, kids apetites can vary from day to day so it might have just been a bad time to try feeding.

The diaper changes are probably because babies don't like being confined and having to stay still. Those I just do what I can to distract and be quick about it. We go through phases where he is more or less cooperative about them.

If she's hitting you can redirect that to something else. Guide her hands to show how to do gentle touches, explain that hitting hurts people(eventually this will sink in). Or teach her to give high 5's or something so if she starts swatting you can make a fast change to playing that game.

I think generally, kids have a reason for acting like that. At this age it's mostly frustration and not being able to talk about it, so having no other release really for those big emotions. You can help her through those feelings without 'giving in', though at such a young age I wouldn't even be thinking along those lines. It's just our job to help them learn to deal with frustrations and grown-up emotions and stuff.

I would maybe apply your docs advice(sort of) to older kids....like if oyu have a 4 yea rold who wants a 3rd helping of ice cream but there isn't any left....and they start kicking and screaming...well that wouldn't make me want to go get them more ice cream. But it would be a good opportunity to talk to the child about how hard it can be to not get what you want. But we're talking about babies here, at that age it's not like she's trying to trick you into giving her cake or something, y/k?

Well, I think you have already received some great advice, but I wanted to add what we do:

When the upset is over a non-negotiable, such as having to be buckled into the car seat, I just carry on talking normally to dd, and telling her that I'm sorry that she is upset, but that when we ride in the car this is what we have to do. Honestly, I'm not sure how much of this she is actually processing, but I don't want to out and out dismiss her feelings - I figure that if I explain what's going on it will help me to stay calm, and also that as she grows older it will become 'second' nature - kwim?

If she is upset over something else, such as being in her high chair, not being able to take the cd's off the shelves etc I find the best thing to do is just to remove her from the situation and find something better for her to do. Often it is a sign that she needs some 'mummy-time', nursing, a snooze or has just been way too overstimulated...Just the simple act of cuddling her or singing to her is often enough to reset her mood.

It has also helped me to remember that when our dk's have a meltdown they are trying to communicate something to us...with a really limited vocabulary.

Just my 0.02

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Yup. Get a new doctor, stat.

Once again, you shouldn't *ever* ignore a 10-month-old. She is not being manipulative, or controlling; she is trying to communicate needs -- as a PP said, with a very limited vocabulary. Have you tried any baby signs with her? She's at the perfect age to start communicating with signs. Some simple ones to try are "milk," "more," "all done," "sleep," "bath," "thank you/good" (in ASL it's the same sign) and "no." Also, other fun signs like the signs for animals, Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, airplane, car, etc. Check out Sign with Me for a video dictionary of baby signs you can use.

Also, I'm curious what a "fake cry" is? How do you know it's not genuine? Regardless of whether it indicates true upset, say from pain or hunger, your DC is trying to communicate something. Even if it's just "I don't like this diaper changing business!" She knows that crying gets results, so she's crying in order to get a result. I think all cries are genuine in that they're an attempt to communicate.

For diaper changes, you might try singing, especially songs that have gestures like Itsy Bitsy Spider or Little Bunny Foo-Foo. Or making silly/funny noises, tummy raspberries, etc. As to the lunchtime (or anyplace else) meltdowns, what I do is to stop, get close to my son (down on the floor, or at eye level, wherever that is) and just look in his eyes and be there. I don't say "It's OK," or "You're OK" or anything, because he's not; I might just say "Hi, sweetie," or something, to let him know I'm there. I keep trying to look in his eyes, even if he's thrashing around and avoiding my gaze. And when I do, and can, he knows that I'm there with him, and that I care. And that I'm listening, if he wants to tell me (however that may be) what's wrong. And then, after a while, I can hug him or nurse him, and maybe even sit him on my lap and explain to him what's happening ("You're angry, aren't you? I know, and you can scream and cry, and that's OK, but it's not all right to hit Mommy or throw things, because you could hurt Mommy. Or break your toys" or whatever). The important thing, I think, is to connect with the child. NOT to disconnect by ignoring, or giving a time-out. Think about it -- when you are upset, do you want your partner or loved one to say, "I don't want to be with you when you're crying, so when you're feeling better, you can come out of the bedroom and be with me, and I'll pay attention to you then?" or do you want them to hold and comfort you? Same for a little one. Maybe even more so, because they don't have the capacity to understand the "logic" behind your actions (why you are ignoring them, or what to do to make it stop).

Does this make sense? Help any? Good luck, mama!

~Nick

Have you read The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp? I'm sure some people have mixed feelings about his method (all verbal, not physical of course) but it seems to work with DS. As for diaper changes, read a little about EC. Kids are usually trying to communicate that they don't want that nasty thing on their bum...I sure wouldn't! Here are some links that I hope will be helpful!

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/in...ytraining.html
http://indiatogether.org/2004/aug/chi-diapers.htm
http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...play.php?f=227
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=287122
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eliminationcommunication/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NaturalInfantHygiene/

http://thehappiestbaby.com/ Highly suggest the Happiest Baby series for your next newborn!

Good luck!!
Laura