How do you do it, stay home with your kids? And still have money?

Here's how I do it:

- child support
- food stamps
- medicaid
- WIC
- part-time work from home job

Luckily, stbx makes a pretty healthy salary and actually pays child support. That's the main portion of it. I'll get a divorce settlement soon that should allow me to get off public assistance.

If you're looking for a work from home job, try www.liveops.com. If you decide to apply, PM me with your e-mail and full name, and I'll send in a referral for you.

I became a mother -- single by choice -- 17 years ago. I knew from before I got pregnant that I would be not just single, but a stay at home, homeschooling mother as well.

I continued to work as a nanny (though no longer live-in) both during my pregnancy an after. I had a variety of childcare jobs over the next several years, and my son always came with me. I never set up an at home daycare -- though many, many mothers do this.

I cleaned houses and small businesses. Again, my son came along.

I began going to college when he was four, taking out student loans and getting grants. I alternated college and childcare work. I did exchange care with other student mama friends so that we each could go to class. By the time my son was eight he was coming along to class: and yes! It was just fine with my professors. I always asked before hand, and it was never a problem. On exam days he would stay with his grandparents.

I also began working part time, from home, for a small home businesss when my son was eight. Over the years, my hours increased, and so did my pay. The beauty of it was that I could set my own hours. It was a good situation. I was lucky. Eventually, I was earning enough to have a couple of kids with my new partner, and to buy a house. (Ok, the partner turned out to be an a** and is long gone). And to have a car. And to build a nice savings.

Sadly, about fifteen months ago I was laid off. Utter disaster. Sooo .... I've gone back to school to finish my degree (two semesters after this one, and then on to grad school ). Again, student loans, grants. My ex pays child support. My family (parents, brother) is generous enough to help care for my kids while I'm in class -- for free.

Also, we are fortunate enough to live in a state which provides healthcare to all working families/student families who fall beneath a certain income limit, and who have no other insurance available. They even paid for my teen's braces!

Through all of the changes, I've always homeschooled, we've always managed financially, I've always been with the kids more than I haven't.

Gosh.

Thanks. The way I see it ... yes, sometimes it's hard, but these kids are my responsibiity: I never expected that I'd ever be in a position to not work. Life just isn't like that for most of us, most of the time.

My kids come first. I won't compromise on that. And I won't compromise on the homeschooliong. So, yeah, I could be sitting pretty if they were in public school and I'd been working 40+ hours a week outside the home the last 17 years ... but that's not me. So the compromises come on me: in what I do to earn a living. I'd done childcare for years (before my first was born), and cleaning -- well, it's not glamorous but it pays! And I was content to work on my college degree slowly ... It's worked out. Probably just about everyone has some skill, something they can do which can earn them a living. Just takes some creativity, sometimes, to figure out what that is. There are a multiplicity of possibilities out there.

When I've had single mothers say to me, "I have no choice" but to work outside the home, put the kids in daycare etc, well, I feel sad. Sure they do! Being a nanny, for example, wasn't my dream job but I liked it well enough, and I could still be with my son, and it paid well enough for us to live.

I wonder what state the OP lives in. I think that has a lot to do with it. I assume she has only 1 kid if she's only getting $100 in foodstamps.

My ex is currently unemployed, so I'm getting support regularly. However, it's less than he's ordered to pay and less than $200/week for four kids. We have food stamps and I started school in Jan so that I can get a degree and get loans. The loans are how I was able to buy furniture, since ex got rid of all my stuff and the judge didn't order him to replace it or anything.

My kids are currently in daycare and public school, but we're going back to homeschooling after this schoolyear is over. I think it's much cheaper to homeschool. Less gas, less clothing budget, etc.

We live in a subsidized apt., so my rent is based on my income and currently $34/month. If I had no income b/c ex decided to stop paying his support (again), my rent would go down to $0 and the complex would write me a check to help cover my utilities. This is very important to me, esp. while I'm depending upon child support to get us by. I need to know we won't be homeless should ex continue to be his irresponsible self.

So, it's doable. I'm starting a home biz soon and I have a friend who is going to watch my kids for me while I'm in school so that I don't have to have them in daycare anymore (I don't have any family other than my kids). Even if that didn't work out for some reason, I know something would present itself b/c I am putting my kids first, again.

The past 8 months have been a huge adjustment for me and my kids and I've been so grateful for the schools and daycare funding that allowed me to work out my situation. I feel I've gotten more help since leaving my ex than I ever did while I was with him, and that includes him helping out (which he didn't do much of, besides bringing home a paycheck so I could stay home with the kids).

Good luck! If you get a good place to live, everything else seems to fall into place. At least, it has for me. I wish you the best.

Women around my town who have divorced with no money did so by asking the judge to waive the fee. The judges did so, and they got divorced, with no money.

I got a divorce with no money b/c I ended up in a domestic violence shelter and got a lawyer to help me pro-bono. I think I would have been better off doing what other women had and having no representation. When you have a lawyer, the judge acts like you aren't even in the room and you better have a good lawyer (which I didn't, IMO) or you're screwed. I have a protective order against my ex, so I could have asked the judge to waive the fee w/o my lawyer. As it was, I did ask the judge to waive the filing fee b/c my lawyer said her firm wouldn't cover the filing fee, they just wouldn't charge me for the work she was doing. The judge said ok and I'm divorced.

There is always a way.

If you aren't living with your ex, legal aid ought to be able to help you. Altho, I didn't go with legal aid in my area b/c they still wanted to charge me a small amount and I had *no* money and was homeless (stupid legal aid).

I'd ask a domestic violence shelter for help. They could maybe point you in the right direction, at least. That's what they do.

I read in another thread you live with a different man. Well, that explains why your food stamps are so low. If you want to get out of his house, I think your best bet is applying for a subsidized apartment and moving into it when you get it. Otherwise, you seem like you're in a cycle of dependence.

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hi mama, i do wish u the best and hope you can work something out. i was in ur shoes the reason why i had to go back to work. little child support, food stamps for my dd and medical for her. due to my unique immig. situation i qualified for nothing. for a whole year i tried everything - nanny, open my own dc - but nothing worked. and no other source of income. when support stopped i had to downsize to a smaller apt.

it has been really hard because my dd is the type who wants to be home. would have been easier for us if she had happily gone to dc. thankfully she goes to a good dc which ex splits with me as it is frightfully expensive. but we are reassured seh is well taken care of which i wasnt finding otherwise.

if ur divorce is going to be uncomplicated - not too many things to divide and ur ex does not contest it - u can pretty much do it alone. the court waives its fees if u r under a certain income. not sure though if there are inter state laws. where i am the domestic viol. organization also provides basic help. there are a couple of mamas on MDC who used no lawyers.

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I just wanted to say that you do not have to put him on ANYTHING being legally married doesn't mean he has to be on everything legal pertaining to you. taxes, fafsa...nothing.

my mother has been married for 16 yrs and she's been filing single for at least 13 of those years.

I added my hubby to my fafsa ONLY because I didn't want to add my mother or father. next year he won't even get put on it. just so you know. hth's

my mom used to work in the family court. You can get the divorce forms for free, there's usually a center with self-guided tutorials (not that complicated really) in how to fill out all the paperwork, and the things you need and all of that. I think they provide mediators for free to low income, and do a "income based" fee.

It may be similar in your area if you look further into it.

For me, right now, I'm staying with my parents. I'm watching another child, and he does give me between 500-600 a mo. I'm paying off all of my CC debt while I live here, and I currently don't have transportation of my own, but x is saving up to get a cheap vehicle and leave me the one "we" had, which is paid off.

I'm starting a small sidebusiness of mine, and my CBE classes, which should provide "some" income, plus my nanny job.

I'm looking into becoming an 'interpreter' and working from home (over the phone).

When all of that is in gear, and going, I hope to be able to afford my own place, or to co-abode with a likeminded mom.

I won't put my child in public school, and I wouldn't work out side the home more than part time if it was absolutely necessary.