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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am just beginning to GD w/DS who is almost 14 mos old. This is new to me as I came from a punitive upbringing myself, so definite learning curve - in general I try to do a lot of redirecting, stay positive, keep DS's surroundings safe/kid-friendly so there is very little he would not be allowed to explore/do, etc...

But there have been a couple of situations where I have felt the need to usse "no" and a stern tone - first one, he was playing with the cat, and I usually just model "gentle touch". But this time, DS grabbed onto kitty's tail and started squeezing really hard. The cat "squealed" and was clearly being hurt. I literally had to pry DS's fingers from the cat's tail, and I said "NO grabbing, it hurts the cat". DS started to cry (I think he's very sensitive to tone, and I was VERY serious when I said it).

Second situation happened yesterday, I was baking and needed to put something into the oven. DS had been playing by the dining room, but as I opened the oven door all of a sudden he was right there, about to put his hand in. I immediately said "NO - don't touch - DANGER, oven is hot [he knows at least theoretically what hot is]", pulled him away and closed the oven door. Again he started crying.

Both times I picked him up, gave him a kiss and a hug, and said to him "sometimes Mommy has to talk in a serious voice to keep you from (danger) (hurting the cat)".

Both times I just acted on my instincts in the moment - do other GD mamas think my responses were appropriate, or do you think there are alternatives I could use in the future?
 

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Your ds sounds like my dc. They are very sensitive, and if I raise my voice or speak sternly, they cry. Dd doesn't always anymore. Sometimes just the word "no" will set ds off. once we were at my SILs, and Ds squeezed the new kitten quite hard. (My fault--I should have been right there!) but SIL (who is very sweet and gentle) said, "No! Don't squeeze the cat!" and Ds just looked at me and wailed. He was SO hurt.

I think in serious situations, especially touching the stove, you need to startle them enough for them to realize that it's dangerous. If you say, "honey, the stove is hot," in a soft gentle voice they will not get the picture, especially at such a young age. At your son's age, it's about tone as much as about words! I usually say, "OUCH! HOT!" in a scared voice, kind of acting out what would happen if I touched it. Ds has understood that from a very young age. With sensitive kids we can bring down everything--we don't need to be as dramatic as we might be for some kids.

I'm interested to hear what others have to say.
 

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ds is sensitive to, when he gets told "no, owchies to baby" or "no, hot" he sometimes starts to cry.........but i think your responses were fine for the situations.
 

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I don't see anything wrong with what you said, though I've found the word "stop" to be more effective than "no." More specific.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the encouraging responses...I'm so concerned with making sure I start things out right w/DS. BTW - I like the idea of saying 'stop' instead of 'no', I think I'll start doing that.
 

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I think you did a fine job. While it's great to keep your voice calm and gentle, I don't think it's bad to let your son hear your fear when it's an urgent situation. Children this age especially learn more from our tone of voice and our actions (or reactions) than they do from what we say. Showing him that you are afraid of him touching the oven is very powerful. You didn't do it in a negative way or to shame him - you were genuinely concerned and showed it to him, and you then moved him to a safe place. That's helping him learn.
 

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Sounds fine to me. After something like this has happened here I explain to them why I spoke like that, something along the lines of "I was very scared you were going to get burned/hurt the kitty/get hit by a car."

I think that not only is it entirely appropriate, but it's a benefit of using GD - because you don't always use that language/voice, they know it's something serious when you do.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanbaby
Sounds fine to me. After something like this has happened here I explain to them why I spoke like that, something along the lines of "I was very scared you were going to get burned/hurt the kitty/get hit by a car."

I think that not only is it entirely appropriate, but it's a benefit of using GD - because you don't always use that language/voice, they know it's something serious when you do.
EXACTLY! Your methods ARE gd!

Just because your child cries does not mean you weren't gentle. Serious situations demand serious voices. Many children simply cry because they know they have done someting that they were not supposed to. That's ok, so long as you make it clear you were not angry, just scared and needing to get immediate action.

And I personally found "no" to be very effective.
 

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I have found it much more effective to say "Bella! Look at mommy!" in a very excited voice instead of saying "no" or "stop" when there is danger involved. Bella is a very spirited and sensitive child as well, and I have to be mindful of my tone. The look at mommy gets her to stop. Then I can say calmly... hot hot or whatever it will hurt you! Stand over here until mommy is done and then you can help. I think what you did is perfectly fine though... just offering an alternative.
 
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