How do you get out of house manager mode?

One thing that has worked for us is me having as much done before dh comes home. I clean the living room, clean the floors ect and do as much for dinner as I can before he even walks in the door. He helps as much as he can too though. If he's home in time he gives the boys a bath which frees me up to do a million things. He's even been known to eat dinner while giving them a bath so we can do our own thing when the boys are in bed. It was hard for me to turn off the "mommy meter" as I call it, but now I'm so used to doing nothing with dh in the evenings that it would be hard for me to start again lol. I have good friends who have lost their dh and kids when they were young. Every one of them has told me that they wished they'd done less with other things (projects, housework, ect) and more with the person they loved. I try to keep that in the back of my mind. I hope you and your dh find time to snuggle .

I was going to suggest that you make a list of what you need to have done before 5pm in order to relax in the evening, and then work off that list during the day. But then I was just noting how young your kids are. Its going to be really hard for you to get tasks done when you are alone with them, you know? The kids being in bed, and/or him being around to help with them is them is really the easiest time to get these things done. He needs to understand this, and to recognize that it won't last forever. With a baby in the house, it is possible to just put the intensity/intimacy aspect of your marriage on hold for a few months. Also -- working together can be a bonding experience. If he were to sit beside you and fold the laundry with you, for example, he might find that it can intimate in its own way. And it would get done faster too.

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Silly mama How about:-- he's finishing up this great hot rod that he's redone himself and is about to enter it in show and you come in and need him to Rub your feet.--... I mean you cant suggest 'romantic' because their idea of romantic is different than ours and if you are trully trying to hypothetically trade positions than you would be looking for intimacy of a less direct kind than him, right?

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: laughup can you tell i think thats funnY??? perfect example for my dh (and a previous BF).

all in all our dear spouses/SO come home from jobs and they can "turn off". BUT they are SPOUSES and FATHERS and they need to turn that on!! i wish dh would WANT to be closer to me, spend time with as I feel like he doesn't love me as he used to (huge thing i will try not to get into). lists seem to help my dh TREMENDOUSLY. it MUST be written....forgettful mind if it doesn't involve car parts . great idea to have him do xyz before you and me=loving.

I find that I have to "simply" turn it off when DH is around. While this is not easy and could even be annoying sometimes to DH because (like right now) if he's home quite a lot (as he is now because he's out of work) it could seem like I do very little around the house.

This "turning off" was not something that came easily, but after focusing on NOT doing house stuff with DH around I have become quite good at not even allowing myself to SEE the things that need to be done when he's home. Now, during times like that which we're in (he's not working so almost ALWAYS home) I end up doing SOME stuff with him around, but that's generally while he's otherwise engaged.

I also have to give myself permission to devote time to our relationship. While that may seem silly to some, I have found things feel MUCH better between us when I turn off my "eyes" to seeiong the house and just have eyes for DH and DD... MUCH of the time it's not even interaction between the two of us (DH and me) that he needs. I've found that he often needs/wants me to watch him play with DD and he wants/needs to see that THOSE interactions make me happy... so I'll often sit on the couch reading and watching them play and smiling contentedly and he checks for my attention FREQUENTLY and is SO happy to see me happy.... I don't know if other ladies have this experience, but I think it's WONDERFUL because we're bonding as a family during these times AND DH feels like a good husband AND Daddy!

Anyway... it really just boils down to a force of will to let things go... to not obsess about how my house looks all the time and to choose to spend time with DH and DD rather than focus on the STUFF to do.

After we get our boys to bed and the kitchen dishes are cleaned up, I "turn off." No more laundry or chores unless there are special circumstances. I can appreciate how difficult it is to get anything done during the day, though! It helps me to jot down a list in the morning, then work from it all day long. I really get a lot more accomplished this way. It also helps define priorities. If I happen to finish my list (ha!), the next chore I notice doesn't bother me. I can note with pride how much I already DID that day! Whatever chore is starting me in the face will have to wait its turn. My list is a running list usually, so items not crossed off stay on for the next day. I also have a loose plan for my week, so that I know all the cleaning will get done in the week, just not in one day like before! My list is roughly:

Mon - Downstairs floors vac & scrub, clean bathroom
Tues - Change sheets, dust & vac upstairs (all the bedrooms)
Wed - laundry catch-up day (I do laundry all the time, but I try to get more than normal done this day)
Thurs - dust downstairs, weed outside
Fri - water plants, clean off porch and deck

Maybe you could try especially hard one or two days per week to be finished with household stuff, so that you can really relax with your dh. I second the idea of having the area right around you tidy, so that during that day or two per week, you have fewer temptations to multi-task. Our night to always spend time together and relax is Thursday - after we both have really long days because my dh works late that day.