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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> My 15 month old is starting daycare on Monday. We have been for a few visits, and he cries and cries when I so much as leave his sight, (i.e. I was behind a tree at our last visit and he couldn't see me and he got very upset). How do you handle this mammas? He is very clingy to me in general (compared to DS#1). We had a nanny for the first 5 months after I returned to work, (you may recall my "Would you fire your nanny over this" thread...), and by the time we let her go, he would cry "mamma, mamma!", and say "no-bye-bye" and reach for me when I would leave in the mornings. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"> However, DH was home when I left most days and always seemed to come to the rescue. Unfortunately, he cannot come to the rescue at daycare.<br><br>
I know my babe is going to cry for me, and call to me, and I am ultimately - at some point - going to have to walk out the door. I am dreading it. We had DS#1 at daycare for 3 years, but DH always did drop off. He always told me how hard it was, (and DS loved his daycare and his teachers).<br><br>
I know I will be crying every day when I leave him. He just gets soooo upset, and gets this panicked scared look in his eyes. I am really beating myself up over some of the choices I made in his little life - I had him go to a drop off daycare when he was 4-6 months old once/week (for 2 hours) and then started him at daycare part-time at 9 months. He had a very bad experience at the daycare (a different one) at 9 months, they just left him to cry several times, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">, would hold his little head and try to shove baby food in to him, and it was very unclean and he got veeeerry sick (Norwalk, pneumonia, bronchitis, etc. all within a 3-4 week span). It was horrid.<br><br>
So now I am so stressed out and anxious that he is going to cry, and miss me, and maybe even get horribly sick again, and the GUILT is kicking in...<br><br>
But mostly I am dreading hearing his little voice call to me, saying "no-bye-bye" and seeing him reach for me as I walk away....How do you deal with the sad goodbye's mammas?
 

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My heart is going out to you. The first thing I wonder is what kind of day care he is going to? Is it a small program? What is the turnover rate? My hunch is that it will be important to find one person that he can really bond to in the new care situation. Spend some time there taking it slowly, letting him get to know this one person. When he trusts this new person more fully, it will be easier to say goodbye in the morning. If it's too late to do this gradually, at least plan to spend some extra time in the mornings (up to an hour) helping him to adjust. My personal opinion is that you shouldn't leave him until he feels more trusting of the situation and at least one person. It's a tough age for him--not young enough to just go with the flow and not old enough to understand what is happening. (Just the same I would explain it to him.) Then make sure that the one caregiver he trusts is there for him every morning. Soon it will just be a matter of the caregiver finding something fun for him to do each morning at drop off. The trust has to be built first.
 

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FWIW, I am a WOH with two under 5 yo @ home with their SAHD. That may already change the dynamic. But what I have learned is that good babysitters or at home parents can watch their kids, provided that the rest of home is not overwhelming to them.
 
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