How do you handle your annoying MIL

621 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by Greenie, Apr 15, 2006

Khadijah

Discussion Starter · Apr 14, 2006

My MIL is driving me crazzy,she is bossy, always comming to my home un announced and calling. Also she always has something to say about house my husband and my self raise our child and about our religious belief. Last weekend we were visiting her with the baby and as usual she comments something. Its everything. She come over to our house un announced, and she bring her other grand kids, and to be honest, they dont have home training. I have to hide my sons toys or else they will tear them apart, and they tear the house apart and on top of that when i tell them not to do something she give me a dirty look and tells me i cant tell them what to do in my own house(WTF) Also she bought us a stroller and then talks about how it cost to much and she didnt have to do it. That she was doing us a favor. Neither my husband or self told her to do t his. So i told her we never told you to do this, and what do you want an award for it. Next we had to stay her house untill we moved. Hubby was going to get a hotel. She bugged him about staying with her. Its ok and so on. So later on she comments that if we had not moved she would have killed someone. SO again im like we were going to get a hotel but you bugged us and said come on you can stay with me. So there is no need of you complaining and that was only for a week.Any way we get in a fuss last week and called each other b****** and told each other not to come back to the others house. She even went as far as to swing at me ,and had the nerve to tell hubby to divorce me and take our kid hubby said no. He has told me that he has told her im a good parent to our kids and a good wife to him. SO im dont know what her problem is. I know he is her youngest but he is an adult and she needs to let us live our life.She even bosses me and husband in our home. All this happened because she said she was going to drive us home, she had her other grand kids, one was 8 and the other was 3years old had to be in a boster seat, and so my child whos 11months. I said that it would not be safe with all us in a car 6 people in a car that is small and two kids having to be in car seat. So she starts talking about it was me that didnt like the car seat. And i was like we are not talking about the car se ats its the safty of the kids, i said maybe you dont care about your grand kids but im not putting my kid in that danger, and plus you would get a ticket. if the cops see us. So it went from there anyway how would you had handle this. we havent spoken since them. and i dont care to if she cant respect me then dont come to my h oue.IS there a better way to have handle this.

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elmh23

· #2 · Apr 15, 2006

Honestly, it sounds like not talking to her is best at this point.

My MIL used to come over unannounced and call really early in the morning (like 6am when we had no children to wake us up.) What worked for her was dh laying down the law. You call first because we're not always dressed and don't want to be under any pressure and we aren't always up for visitors. If you don't respect our wishes, then we won't talk to you. My MIL is constantly reminding every one of her kids EXCEPT dh about the money she's lent them in the past. She's helped us out the most (we lived in their rental property for extreamly cheap for three years, we finally bought it last month) but for some reason isn't always reminding us (I personally believe it's because we had the first girl and our dd is the only grandchild who she's been around as an infant and toddler.)

Anyways, with she trying to take a swing at you and telling your dh to get a divorce and take your child, then I wouldn't talk to her. She sounds toxic.

Good luck!

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cheeseRjedi

· #3 · Apr 15, 2006

Yeah seriously...I wold NOT put up with my MIL swinging at me and badmouthing me to dh. Like the pp said, maybe not talking is the best thing for now to let things cool down a bit. In a while, either you or her might realize that this bickering is causing her to not see her grandchild growing up, At that point, tell it like it is. She MUST call before coming over, she MUST keep her other grandchildren from tearing apart your house, she may have been the mama before but YOU are the mama now and you will do what you think is best for your child. Good luck.

I initially clicked on this thread because I somewhat have the same problem (not nearly to the same extent as you) and I thought the thread title was funny. MIL doesn't do anything harmful (except apparently giving my 9 month old dd a doughnut

but more just little annoying things. She's constantly trying to get us to leave dd with her overnight (she somehow turned dh onto it also so now he tries to get me to leave dd too

and I think she is trying to convince me to wean dd and give her all solids (most likely so it would be easier for me to be apart from dd more often) which there is no way in hell that's happening. I try to bite my tongue most of the time because I know that she just really wants to be a part of dd's life.

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CryPixie83

· #4 · Apr 15, 2006

I think not talking to her is a very good place to start. She does not sound like the kind of person you want around your family (imagine if your dd picked up such behavior!). I can't believe she actually swung at you! That is absolutely unacceptable! I would definately cut such a person out of my family's life.

My MIL has never gotten violent. She is very passive agressive, self-pitying, self-loathing and overall annoying. She tries to parent dd all the time when I'm trying to parent my way, its like she thinks she can just butt in and take over. When dd was a infant MIL actually took her out of my arms twice when I was trying to comfort dd. Now that dd's a toddler MIL is constantly undermining me in front of dd (minor example, tonight we were out to eat and dd tried to get MILs soda, I told dd no because we don't let her have soda. MIL says "oh it's just sprite it's not so bad" I told MIL dd isn't allowed to have any soda and sprite is just as bad as any other soda, just without the coloring... she does that sh*t all the time!). I think MIL is also sour that we've never left dd alone with her- this is the same woman who has lost one of my cats, let another get outside and get hit by a car (but never offered to pay the vet bill for having the cat put down), lets her grandkids eat junk food all day and while babysitting an 8 year old didn't bother to keep tabs on where the girl was (at a friend's house, two blocks away, on her bike for over an hour!) so WHY would I trust her with my DAUGHTER?
*sigh* I wish she lived in another state...

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Greenie

· #5 · Apr 15, 2006

ITA w/the PPs.

"Either you respect my wishes in my home, and treat me, DH and DC's with respect, or you will not be welcome in our home and our lives."

That's exactly how I would handle it. If she persists, then don't allow her back in.

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