[KatWrangler]

Siblings going to Grandma and Grandpa's to visit for a week? My son has been invited to Grandma and Grandpas for a week this summer (they live in another state). But Gabrielle was not invited because of her healthcare issues.

I have mixed emotions about this.

I can certainly understand they can't take care of Gabrielle's needs, but it still hurts.

Have you run into situations like this? How did you handle it?

 

[2boyzmama]

Connor is younger than Gabrielle, and my mom (who is the only relative I would let keep either of my kids for any period of time) always invites him as well (she's also out of state) but sometimes I'm just not comfortable. For example, Ian is going to "Horse Camp" with my mom over Memorial Day weekend, and I don't want to let Connor go (too cold out still, too many germs, just makes me nervous!).

Thankfully, Connor doesn't "get it" yet, he won't realize that Ian gets to do something he doesn't (as long as he can't physically SEE Ian doing it, you know?) We'll probably do one or two activities with Connor that are special, but really it's just to make myself feel better.

Is it just the cathing they aren't comfortable with? Do you think they'd be willing to learn? Would you be willing to teach them?

Otherwise, definitely do something special just for her while her brother is gone. I definitely wouldn't tell her that it's because of her medical needs, at least I don't think I would...maybe tell her it's a "boys only" trip?? I don't know, I'm interested to see what other's think...

 

[bdavis337]

FOr now I'd go with the "he's older" thing. She's still pretty young. That will buy you another year at least. My 4 year old just starting asking about grandparent overnights so my mom gave him a run and he did great, but he's just recently old enough anyway.

 

[lil_stinkyfeet]

I haven't experienced that, but I think when she was older that if it was me I would probably just go with the kids to Grandma's. I can see why you would feel hurt

 

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

'Course we don't, and won't, have this issue, but when I was a kid, my parents just treated it as if it were a really special time for the kid that Got To Stay!!! at home and have mom and dad and the toys and, and, and . . . all to him/herself. I think we half-bought it, but knew, at least, that they were trying.

ETA: as soon as I said that I realized that this will be the case, probably always, with VeeGee and her cousins who get to go skiing and all kinds of stuff with their Nana. She'll probably never get to do those things . . .

 

[pixiekisses]

It's though, isn't it.
We just explain why, plain and simply. You can't go to aunt ** because she doesn't know what to do if you have a seizure or stop breathing, or need o2, or if your gtube falls out and she can't even feed you trough it etc. She doesn't like it or think it's fair, but she gets it. She knows she is sick, and unique. And that only a few people can take care of her. For us, there's no other way to do it, we can't make something up or lie. We say it as it is.
And then we do extra special things at home with her that she loves.
Then again, we also put a lot of weight on the fact that nobody else gets too go out with her personal assistant. Which she loves and adores. She's with her everyday, in daycare when she is there or at home, and once in a blue moon she sleeps over there. And when she isn't well enough for daycare so they stay home, she gets to do special things with her that she likes instead. None of the other kids ever get to do that.
And, she has a grandmother and an uncle (my mom and brother) too that can be alone with her except from me, my dear and our personal assistant person. They've been there all along and knows everything, they are more with her than the other kids and we point that out too. We do that on purpose so that when the others gets to go to other grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, outside, go for exciting trips etc. we remind her of that. Life isn't fair, for any of them. We're lucky to have my mom and brother though, we really are.

 

[MotherWhimsey]

Linden's too young to notice, but my mom hasn't ever even kept him alone. Some day I'm sure he'll notice, but we'll just be honest with him about it all.

 

[RoadWorkAhead]

DD is less medically involved (just g-tube dependent). I made it a rule that you take 'em both. But I can do that b/c she's less medically dependent. Not that they can't have time alone, but that its not just one getting time alone all the time. Its occured a little later with DD than with DS, but its occuring. I've written out massive instruction sheets, and done training, etc. but with 3 kids it was necessary. DD has already had to spend the night with g-ma (the one in town) b./c her baby brother was hospitalized (Evil RSV) and DH was working OOT.

 

[2boyzmama]

I'm finding the responses from parents of older kiddos really interesting...we're in different circumstances because Connor is not medically dependent, anyone we leave him with would just need to know some ASL, know about his food allergies, know to watch for signs of choking, and know that he's very susceptible to illness. But we don't have to worry about tubes or O2 or cathing or anything like that.

I suggested to OP that she not tell Gabrielle why she can't go, but that's only because of her age. I don't know that she'd understand at age 3. At what age do you tell them the "truth" though? 4? 5? Or if you chose to tell them the truth from the get go, what did you tell them (or HOW did you tell them?) I assume keeping it basic, age appropriate language, etc, but these kids are all so much more mature than their counterparts usually because of everything they've endured, I really wouldn't know how to discuss a topic like this.

And Wendy, why do you think VeeGee coudln't go skiing? Unless you think she wouldn't enjoy it, then she's not missing out because she wouldn't want to do it anyway. But she doesn't have any medical reason why she couldn't go...as long as she's healthy at the time of the activity.

 

[pixiekisses]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama I suggested to OP that she not tell Gabrielle why she can't go, but that's only because of her age. I don't know that she'd understand at age 3. At what age do you tell them the "truth" though? 4? 5? Or if you chose to tell them the truth from the get go, what did you tell them (or HOW did you tell them?) I assume keeping it basic, age appropriate language, etc, but these kids are all so much more mature than their counterparts usually because of everything they've endured, I really wouldn't know how to discuss a topic like this.

We've told her from day one, basically. As soon as she was big enough to understand the whole deal, but that was before age 3.