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How do you keep from getting angry?

554 Views 11 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  LadyMarmalade
I just don't know how to handle it when people cling to their ignorant beliefs about circumcison. It is cleaner, they have less STD's, etc. Even after sharing the facts some people don't want to even consider they could be wrong!! WHY? It makes my blood boil and it ruins my whole day when I have those encounters. Then it makes me feel like an outsider with my own friends. :sigh
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I cant help but get angry everytime the picture of a little baby screaming and being mutilated pops in my head at least once a day prolly more. On the rare occasions it has come up with people who beleive circ is ok :puke I end up shaking and near tears after every encounter. I feel bad because I cannot make them see how awfull it truly is. The one encounter that haunts me the most is one I had with a lady in a chat room her dh is intact but yet she intends to circ any boys they have because the dr has told her that her reacuring yeast infections are her dh's fault
her dh has no problem with causing his son pain because of the obvious brain washing he has been subjected to.
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Anger is always a cover for fear. If you can say the fear, you may feel vulnerable but you have a lot better chance of making a difference.

-I'm afraid I will never be able to get through to you and I'll end up hating you because you won't listen to me.

-I'm afraid I can't make the difference to end circumcision that I want to. Tell me what you would need to hear to change your mind about this?

- I'm afraid that more boys are going to suffer because I'm not getting this across the way I want to.

I've been thinking this morning how much I am at war within myself and how I manifest that out in the world to those who don't agree with me. I'm praying to be an instrument of peace in all that I do. Biggest challenge of my life but, if circumcision is to end, it's going to take me getting over my killer tendencies
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I'm in the same boat. I had another mom tell me that while she thought circumcision was a form of mutilation (she actually used that word!), she felt tradition was more important and wanted to make sure her son looked liked all the other men in her family. How in the world can you respond to a comment like that in a way that doesn't sound nasty or rude?
I get angry when a mom recircs her child because he had leftover skin and after his recirc she says now "my son has a "normal penis with exposed glans"
Thanks for that, baybee!

For myself, I don't usually feel angry at parents. I'm angry at our culture, at the system...but parents? Honestly, they are extremely conditioned, and at the same time almost always extremely ignorant about normal penile anatomy, the foreskin and it's functions, circumcision procedures, potential complications, and guarenteed long-term sexual affects. How can I hold that against them? I put myself in the same position, imaging having not worked in a birth center with the benefit of seeing circumcision with my own eyes. Would I have stumbled across truth along the way? Maybe yes, maybe no. I'm thankful that I did, but I consider myself fortunate.

In a country in which the care providers---the presumed 'experts---pediatricians, nurses, urologists are ignorant as to foreskin care and the benefits of keeping babies whole, how can we be angry at parents for thinking circumcision is best, and following through?

I genuinely believe most parents mean well, and most would be distraught if they knew the truth.

While all this may sound rather hopeless, keep in mind that our numbers are growing, and circumcision rates are dropping. In another thread, I mentioned how a nurse was giving out bad information, based on an inaccurate textbook. It was on a very mainstream parenting board, in completely not circumcision related forum...and there were over 70 responses. I saw all sorts of screennames I was completely unfamiliar with, people that don't frequent the debate or intact care forum...and they were correcting her. With confidence! I was amazed at how many people ARE learning the truth.

We will prevail. RIC will end. Not overnight, but it WILL happen.

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What really makes me angry is the strides we make with medicaid or having hospitals that dont do it after birth in house, are the incidences of babies who go home whole with relatively ignorant parents as to how to "handle" an intact baby. Then they go to the peds or Health Dept / WIC whatever, and get told to retract, that their son has phimosis and all of these LIES and mistakes the medical community keeps perpetuating. I want to know how to get to the med schools or the medical community as a whole, we can legislate that RIC isnt paid for but how can we MAKE the medical profession not so ignorant and dangerous????

That keeps me up at night.
I'm struggling with this myself. My sister is giving birth to my first nephew in August
, and when I asked her if she's going to circ, she firmly said: "ABSOLUTELY." When I asked why, she said, "Because un-circed ones look DISGUSTING."
And she's a DOCTOR! You'd think she'd know better. I was horrified and so angry. It's going to make me so sad whenever I change that little sweetheart's diaper . . .

I'm not even going to say a WORD about vax, she'll have a heart attack and have me committed.
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I don't keep from getting angry. I believe anger is a normal and healthy response to a gross human rights violation. I do agree that I am far more angry with the medical profession than I am with individual parents who didn't know better....but then again there's my BIL and SIL who circed knowing better after dh and I educated them. Them, I'm still f-ing angry at and have no respect for. If I could cut them out of my life, I would in a heartbeat.

Stella luna, have you tried educating your sister? Please don't give up without a fight....can you send her medical journal articles? I would go straight for these two from the British Journal of Urology. Appeal to her scientific side - ask her why she knows better than the AAP and ask her whether she would cut her own foreskin off (she knows she has one, obviously!).

You could also try the web video "The Prepuce" at

August is a long way off! There's still lots of time to get through to her and save your nephew. It ain't over until the foreskin hits the floor.
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Thanks, Quirky! I will try, and will send her the links you suggested. But I'm not hopeful. I keep remembering when I was pregnant, and we told my family we would NOT circ if it was a boy, she reacted in much the same manner. At that time, I gave her all the arguments, but she adamantly refused to listen, and kept coming back to her argument that she thinks they look gross. No one else in my family cared at all, except for her. Of course, that's better than my DH's "family"'s reaction, who were so furious over it that they disowned us, and the baby.

But I will try, for my nephew. She's just verrrrrry non-crunchy, very mainstream. She *is* planning to breastfeed, which honestly shocked me (but in a good way!) But she was also horrified by our cosleeping, vegetarianism, breastfeeding, etc. So she's a hard case.
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I don't stifle my anger one bit. You have every right to get angry and get involved.
I'm with Quirky and Lydia. They deserve my anger. Their children need our anger, and their future children will thank us for it.
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