I should add too that many times I yell b/c I'm afraid. The other day I heard a loud noise and a crash from the kitchen (I was on bedrest so I was resting in the other room) and I called out my daughter's name and got no answer. I ran into the kitchen and found her with huge eyes and saw that there were broken bowls on the floor and a bottle of Jack Daniels from the top of the fridge. This stuff all fell off the fridge when she was looking for something in the kitchen...I started screaming at her bc it freaked me out...she might have been killed, honestly, had that bottle fallen on her head instead of the floor (amazingly it didn't break). She cried and cried. I felt so badly later, but I was so scared that yelling was the first thing that came out.
Yesterday she was in the tub and screaming b/c DH was trying to wash her hair. She usually only cries when I wash it, so DH got really frustrated and left the bathroom without finishing the task b/c he was going to yell and didn't want to. I jumped up, knowing that DD would follow, and sure enough, DD is crying at the top of her lungs and running, all wet, through the bathroom on the tile floor. More screaming from me...freaked out she was going to/ could have fallen on the tiles. Of course I made the situation that much worse. Ugh.
I have a problem just taking breaths and not reacting. I just automatically react. It's sooo hard.