[Raene]

I need everyone's tips. I grew up in an Italian family of yellers and I have turned into my mother. I NEVER thought I'd yell at my kids. It seems it's even worse in pregnancy; every misbehavior sets me off. I don't hit, I don't do time-outs, but I really do yell.

How can I cool off?

 

[confustication]

I've been working on it. Most of the time I can keep my cool- while pregnant though, I have the world's shortest fuse and I yell. :/ It's getting a little better, I decided to fake being super cheerful when I'm cranky- I can occasionally trick myself, but not always.

I worry that I may implode like a stepford wife, but pregnancy isn't THAT long.... I should be able to make it.

 

[momof2kiddos]

I have started trying to talk in a normal quite voice, Does it work sometimes but it is a start. Mine are starting to learn that if moms talking they better stop and be quite. I also am a yeller and I am not prgers.

 

[lab]

I work out hard every day for an hour. (or at least 6 days a week)

I get up earlier on school mornings. Running late leads to yelling.

Hmmmm.... what else....

I drink!

Oh - I just noticed you are preggers. Sorry - no drinky

 

[ChaoticMum]

I am the same. A yelling Ukrainian father and grandmother did the trick on us!

I make an effort to whisper. When I catch myself yelling I MAKE myself put down whatever it is I'm doing, go right over to the child - or children, get down and whisper. Honestly it helps.

My problem is I tend not to stop what I'm doing. That is my stumbling block to making it work.

 

[chipper26]

:

 

[meemee]

i give myself a timeout. i go into the bathroom or kitchen and just breathe.

but i am every grateful to my mil. i had no idea i was a yeller to my dd not even one year old. and she asked me not to start so early. so from then on i really watched myself.

its gotten easier since my dd has grown up. the feeling to yell is still there. but now (since she turned 5) i can tell my dd that i am getting frustrated and i will start yelling if she wont listen.(yelling as in asking her to do something like leave the house at a reasonable time).

 

[becoming]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meemee i give myself a timeout. i go into the bathroom or kitchen and just breathe.

This. Or I tell the kids something like, "I'm feeling really upset and yucky. Let's start this conversation over, okay?" I think it's helpful to be honest about how you're feeling.

I'm not a completely recovered yeller, but I'm about 95% better than I was a year ago. It also helps that my kids are getting older, and I no longer have a newborn and a toddler needing five million things from me all at once.

 

[tatermom]

I'm a yeller, too.

I'm trying to take it day by day. Today was a no-yelling day, as was yesterday... my goal is to make it through this week without yelling (it's spring break for the kids but I have to work (part time), so I'm anticipating it will be a bit stressful). I read on another thread on MDC that it takes 90 seconds (?) for the adrenaline to finish coursing through your body after you get angry, so I'm trying to focus on getting out of the room and away from the vicinity of the kids when I feel the frustration starting to build and staying away long enough to calm down. A pattern I've noticed is that I'll try to avoid yelling when I feel myself getting angry, but I often don't give myself enough time to really calm down, and then any little thing will set me off again-- and that's when I really find myself yelling. I'm trying to take a longer time out for myself now than in the past.

 

[Raene]

I should add too that many times I yell b/c I'm afraid. The other day I heard a loud noise and a crash from the kitchen (I was on bedrest so I was resting in the other room) and I called out my daughter's name and got no answer. I ran into the kitchen and found her with huge eyes and saw that there were broken bowls on the floor and a bottle of Jack Daniels from the top of the fridge. This stuff all fell off the fridge when she was looking for something in the kitchen...I started screaming at her bc it freaked me out...she might have been killed, honestly, had that bottle fallen on her head instead of the floor (amazingly it didn't break). She cried and cried. I felt so badly later, but I was so scared that yelling was the first thing that came out.

Yesterday she was in the tub and screaming b/c DH was trying to wash her hair. She usually only cries when I wash it, so DH got really frustrated and left the bathroom without finishing the task b/c he was going to yell and didn't want to. I jumped up, knowing that DD would follow, and sure enough, DD is crying at the top of her lungs and running, all wet, through the bathroom on the tile floor. More screaming from me...freaked out she was going to/ could have fallen on the tiles. Of course I made the situation that much worse. Ugh.

I have a problem just taking breaths and not reacting. I just automatically react. It's sooo hard.

 

[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

I would LOVE to not be a yeller

. Really going to make an effort to stop. Good tips

.

 

[applecider]

I'm a yeller too. I try really hard but it's usually when I've asked ds to do something several times and it's still not done. I just try to remind myself that he's three...

 

[MommyofHero]

i simply think about how upset it made me to be yelled at as a child. i remember feeling scared, sad, guilty, anxious, and spiritually damaged when my mother used to yell at me.

please, take a deep breath if you anticipate your voice raising to an unnecessary degree, and STOP. your child never deserves to be yelled at.