[mommahhh]

DH and I have been married forever, together for years. We had a fairly stable, comfortable marriage until we had our first child 6 years ago. Then something (what? I don't know!) happened. Things changed almost immediately and I've never been able to figure it out.

Ever since then (literally the day I came home from the hospital), it has felt....different. Odd. Uncomfortable. For 6 YEARS. He seems different. He's a good man and a really good father. Very hands-on. But I don't feel connected to him at all. We have nothing in common. We don't talk. We literally never laugh and joke together. I know a lot of it is me too, but I'm starting to think maybe WE just don't click somehow. Something changed (our chemistry? no idea) once we had a child. I don't feel "comfortable" with him anymore. I never know what to say to him. I never know what he's thinking. We have nothing to talk about.

I'm starting to think: this is ridiculous. We've been together for well over a decade and I feel a little like I'm with a stranger. We've tried various methods of working on it, and frankly it doesn't work. I have no desire to be divorced but I truly feel alone. I am very depressed a lot about the thought of my only child growing older, and now I'm starting to think maybe it is because I would hate to be left alone with my DH!! How crazy is that? For the record, we were always super comfy together before we had a child.

I'm sitting here tonight literally feeling nauseous because we had people over for dinner and he was very quiet and awkward with them (as he often is now...never used to be). I don't get it. Once again, I feel uncomfortable around him, and feel like I need to make excuses or pick up the slack for his total lack of social skills. He used to be great with people! Now he's definitely weird. It is just one of many things. Sigh.

So basically I'm not happy anymore. Like I said, I'm not innocent either. But I am tired of our home feeling like a morgue. No fun, no laughter. And the more I see of my friends' marriages, I'm beginning to realize we are really strange. Everyone else is good "friends" with their partners and they have fun together. Somehow I ended up with my parent's marriage.

 

[geekgolightly]

IMO, your last sentence says quite a bit. Have you thought of individual therapy? I would never think it's all on you, of course not, but looking into your own stuff first is a good start.

 

[Rosehip]

I knew it wouldn't work anymore when it was utterly, totally unbearable - every day was soul-sucking misery, I dreaded being with my X, I got fed up with "trying," I was desperately unhappy, it was a seriously unhappy "home." And my X couldn't have cared less. He attitude toward me ranged between contempt, dismissal, anger, paranoia, and taken-for-grantedness (there must be an adjective for that).

And the clincher was when - I told him things had to change drastically, and immediately, or we had to split. It took him maybe 10 seconds to say, "ok, split." So, when I realized how totally flip and uncaring he was, and how he was totally uninterested in our marriage, I realized that I was only throwing good money/time/effort/emotions after the bad.

It's a crappy thing to contemplate.