[sannez]

How do you know if everything is ok with the pregnancy?

This is my first, and I'm so nervous that something could be wrong and I wouldn't know...I'm scheduled for an u/s on 8/1, so do I just wait until then? If something's wrong, do you know fairly quickly?

How do you reassure yourself during this time?

Thank you in advance for all your advice!!!

 

[Bobbys]

Trust your instinct. If something was wrong, I'd think you'd feel it.

Relax and remember that the majority of women go on to have healthy, normal pregnancies.

 

[bonamarq]

Hugs - it's a nervous time for sure - and in the end life is just uncertain - now once you detect a heartbeat you can rest easier b/c your chance of a miscarriage is much less - but even when everything is 'textbook perfect' there are no guarantees and that is just the hard part of being a parent (you know, to be a mother "is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ..."

After a miscarriage with my first preg (which took me years to conceive) I was so nervous with my second that I chose to have an early ultrasound (7weeks) to get that hearbeat so I could relax a bit - I did and it reduced my stress significantly - which was my rationale for doing that - when the midwife couldn't get a hb at almost 12 weeks and I had some dark spotting she sent me for another - she was a close friend even before my preg and my dh was out of town so she came with me - she was great but I think she was even more nervous than I was - I can't tell you why, but I just had a feeling everything was going to be okay - and it was and I had a great home birth and today have a very healthy 7 yo daughter

And after that u/s at 12 wks I decided not to have any more - with all prenatal testing you just have to ask yourself 'what am I going to do with this information' and "will having this information change my plans' - So knowing that I wouldn't have an abortion if, for example the child had a defect, I decided to forgo any testing - but if it puts your mind at ease you might come to a different conclusion

Sorry this doesn't answer your question, but to be honest there really isn't one - Not to be morbid or anything but even if you have a perfectly healthy baby there is still no guarantee that SOMETHING won't happen to change that - for ME this was actually liberating and allowed me to just 'accept' and assume all would work out as it should.

Good luck and try to be at peace and enjoy this special time as best you can

 

[ScottishMama]

Exactly what Bobbys said. I think you would just know. Try not to worry although its easier said than done!

 

[ursusarctos]

DDCC. Sometimes you know, sometimes you don't. I had three early miscarriages before this pregnancy (which I have successfully carried to term!). With the previous pregnancies I never felt that there was something *wrong* before I miscarried, but with this pregnancy I positively felt that all was *right*. I've had an underlying feeling of peace and calm the entire time. It was a big difference. Of course, I still worried on the surface level, and in my mind I confronted the possibility that something might go wrong pretty much every day. I still do that, because I haven't given birth yet, and something could still go wrong. But I think that confronting and accepting the fact that something might go wrong, surrendering to it and realizing that there is nothing I can do, is the best thing I could have done. So in a way, let your worries come up, look at them, accept them, but then let them go. Ultimately, things will be how they will be and at this stage you just have to do your very best to step back from wanting/trying to be in control, because there's nothing you can do but wait. If something happens, you will find the strength to deal with it then. But you can't and don't need to predict it. You just have to accept the uncertainty. It's hard, but I look at it as a great opportunity for growth.

ETA: Just because I had a good feeling about this pregnancy doesn't mean you need to have that feeling for everything to be ok. Plenty of women never have intuition about their pregnancies, or have bad feelings, or worry a lot, and go on to have a perfectly normal and healthy time of it. So don't worry if you don't "know"! It doesn't necessarily mean anything in the end.

 

[StacieM]

Often times, especially when you feel rather "normal", you don't know. Also, at this point in the game, there's not a lot that can be done if things aren't going well.

Like the others said, try not to worry about it. It is easier said than done, but just treat yourself well, get enough rest, eat healthy, etc and let your body and your baby do their thing!

 

[lilkat]

I agree with what everyone else has said. Mama intuition can be spot-on; it's really hard to wait for real confirmation, though. With my first I was scared to death. I was so nervous about hoping to hear the heartbeat that my friend gave me a rock shaped like a heart to keep in my pocket and remind me that everything was most likely OK. I also did a lot of visualization work, imagining a tiger (the unexpected) and a crow (fear) walking beside me. It helped me to acknowledge that the unknown and the fear were THERE, but not to let them overwhelm me. Being a parent means living with that fear and that lack of control for the rest of your life, but it can be accepted and managed and it doesn't have to rule your life.

Practicing letting go of the things you cannot control is also really good practice for childbirth AND parenthood.

And you always have us to vent to, no matter how you are feeling! That's why I love having this DDC

 

[zubeldia]

Sannez, I have a lot of anxiety during pregnancy and this time is no different. The wise women before me have said some very helpful things.. but I wanted to offer a

and, if you want to talk more about your fears then we're definitely here... some of us feeling very similarly to you!

 

[cameragirl]

Unfortunately, you really don't. Trust your instincts and try to enjoy this time.

For many women, myself included, a sudden loss of pregnancy symptoms signaled the start of a miscarriage. Call your doctor if you notice that, but remember that it doesn't always mean trouble.

 

[sannez]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words! ...I had no idea how many emotions this stage of life would bring along with it...and I'm just beginning!
Today I made the call to switch to a midwife (from an OB) so my first appointment is now set for 8/17, putting me at 10 weeks...have any of you delivered with a midwife? What are your opinions regarding a midwife vs. an OB?
My sister strongly believes in midwives, and I understand they are present during your actual labor and help you try to obtain an unmedicated birth...

 

[3timesamom]

Well I won't even call a midwife or OB until 10-12 weeks. This is my fourth however and I don't suggest you do as I do! You do what you are comfy with. I think a midwife spends more time with the patients. I am looking at a homebirth however and I don't know what your looking for. I suspect once I call my midwife she will talk to me on the phone about how I'm feeling vitamins and other supplements for about an hour! I suspect that we will talk about what I eat, how often I frequent McDonalds and about how my baby is made of what I eat! The OB just doesn't do that. The ob is about a 15min apmnt with a 1hr wait time in the waiting room, a bp check, a belly measure and a half hearted "do you have any questions?" You can never think of the questions in that rushed moment and you go home and wait another month.

Just my thoughts! A midwife in a OB setting might be the same way as an OB. Something to consider. The midwife that delivered my son in the hospital however seemed a bit more relaxed and I really liked her

As knowing everything is alright goes your biggest sign that all is well is that you don't have cramping and bleeding. One without the other is okay. Perhaps you are having gas. (A symptom of pregnancy!) In the coming weeks you might notice that your belly is growing. It will seem to the outside world that you put on a few pounds. This too is a GOOD sign. Otherwise I suggest you just don't buy trouble. MOST pregnancy ends in a happy healthy baby. Remember that and you will go far

 

[lilkat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sannez
What are your opinions regarding a midwife vs. an OB?
My sister strongly believes in midwives, and I understand they are present during your actual labor and help you try to obtain an unmedicated birth...

Very generally, the midwifery model of childbirth approaches pregnancy and childbirth as a natural, normal phenomenon that carries some natural risks, while the medical model of childbirth approaches pregnancy and childbirth as a medical condition requiring medical management and all the technologies and interventions that can involve. In my mind, another major difference is how involved the mom is: in the midwifery model, she is the primary actor in her birth, and she has a lot of agency; in the medical model, the mother tends to be treated more as a passive patient and the healthcare provider (and technology) has a more important role.

BUT! Individual midwives and OBs vary WIDELY in their personal philosophies. One midwife might be very proactive and pushy with medical interventions, while another OB might be very happy to sit back and let a labor take its natural course (barring true medical emergencies, of course). So it's really important to interview potential caregivers to make sure their personal philosophies are a good fit with yours. It can be really daunting, especially when you are feeling tired and sick from your pregnancy, but finding the right match can really help you get the experience you want. Also, there are a ton of resources available, from asking friends and family for referrals, to asking at your MDC Find Your Tribe thread, to google searches.

Also, some midwives may be present during your labor, but it has been my experience that midwives who work within a hospital tend not to be present other than check-ins until the end, more like an OB. If you are looking for continuous emotional support throughout your entire labor, I would highly suggest hiring a doula. (I swear I'm not biased, even though I am training to become a doula )

If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me. As you can probably tell, I'm really passionate about this stuff

 

[Frenchie2]

I had midwives deliver my two babies and I also worked in labor and delivery for 5 years so I saw a lot of different types of labor management. Personally, I loved my midwives and felt really at home on the visits and while I was delivering. I found them to be very receptive to my requests and that is important because when you are at the hospital (if you have a hospital birth), you will also be assigned a nurse and sometimes the nurses are not always on the same page as you. When your midwife knows what you want and is on board with it, she can help to portray that to the nurse. For both my deliveries, I had a very quiet room with no students visiting me - with my first, my midwife allowed me to labor much longer with ruptured membranes (28 hours) than any doctor would have had patience for. I also agree about considering a doula, I did not use one with my other two, but having an experienced advocate in the room with you is so helpful. The other thing that was so helpful was just educating myself throughout the pregnancy. I read so many books about pregnancy, labor and delivery that I knew exactly what I wanted and why. I also read a lot of birth stories which helped with ideas for what to bring into my births and I strongly believe that all that mama energy helped me through my labor and delivery.

 

[bcblondie]

I disagree. I don't trust my instincts at all because more often than not, they're wrong. With my very first pregnancy I was naive. My tests barely progressed and I was spotting but I thought heck,it's pos, I'm pregnant. Miscarried at 5 weeks.
With my second I bled from 4 weeks to 8 weeks. I was POSITIVE on any given day I'd miscarry. My son is here today.
With my third I had no bleeding cramping, tests looked amazing. Heard a heartbeat. I thought it was a for sure thing. The heart stopped at 8w4d.
With this one I was scared because my tests didn't progress very fast. But my betas turned out ok. Then I started bleeding and I actually started mourning the loss. I thought it was over. But the bean is hanging on.
Really, some people just never know.

 

[sannez]

3Times and Lilkat!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!! I truly appreciate your informative responses!!!

The midwives are connected with a womens hospital. The only birth center in the state (NE) opens in two months, but DH isn't comfortable with the idea of the birth taking place outside of a hospital (in case something goes wrong). If we can agree on a midwife, then the birth center is something I can let go...

After our initial appt with her, I hope to be able to get a feel for her personality and then more easily make a decision as to whether or not she is someone I would be comfortable with.

3times, I was experiencing some brown spotting earlier, but it seems to have gone away, for now at least! And if gas is a symptom, I must be doing just fine!

Lilkat, I will follow your advice and check with the Find Your Tribe thread and see what I find there.

ETA: Thank you also to Frenchie2 & BCblondie...your responses snuck in while I was still writing!

 

[cameragirl]

OP- I've seen both OB's and a certified nurse midwife in the same practice. The difference is incredible. Not only do you get MUCH more face time, they also view pregnancy as a natural event and not a medical condition. They are more supportive emotionally, and are more likely to help you find solutions to discomforts like morning sickness, etc. (Ob's said it was just normal, whereas the CNM suggested foods, environmental changes, taking time off work, and medication when it was needed.) I have to see an OB because of a medical condition unrelated to the pregnancy, and have to have a perinatologist follow me. If you have to get an OB for shadow care at any time, look around for a doctor that treats pregnancy as a natural event and not an illness.

 

[sagewinna]

When I was pregnant with my 7 year old, I was worried about losing her. My midwife told me that whenever I got that feeling I should talk to the baby and tell the baby how much I loved it and wanted it to stay.

I did the same with the other 2 pregnancies this year, both of which I lost. One I "Had a feeling", the other I was sure was ok.

Now I'm pregnant again, and I am just trying to live in the moment. I love this baby and that's pretty much all I can do.

 

[lunabin]

On the midwife experience - with my first, I saw on ob for 6 months, then after moving switched to a group of midwives who are part of an ob practice. They gave MUCH more face time, and I love how much they tried to educate and empower me to take birthing classes (I used hypnobirthing and no pain meds during delivery), tour the hospital, make a birth plan, make a post-birth plan. They are known in the hospital, so the nurses knew to follow their lead and not ask about drugs or pain levels at all. They urged me to use the hospital bathtub (which I practically ran to), and didn't keep me hooked up to monitors (under my consent of course) and just intermittently checked the baby (who was fine). With one midwife on call at a time, she had 3 other deliveries with mine (I was her last), and so she was there almost constantly the last 2-3 hours (before that I really didn't need her).

What I loved about the practice, was that I was able to meet a couple of the ob's. This was important to me, because in the off chance I needed a c-section I didn't want to have a complete stranger or really no background in the process.

I had seen my former OB for over 10 years, and while it was difficult to leave, I am SO relieved that I did. She was very busy with a LOT of patients, and our visits didn't really inform me about much of anything.

As for the "how do you know" question... I'm a little more empirical about it. I don't think intuition is always accurate, but I trust the physical symptoms that I experience a lot. I had spotting with my first, but also increasing nausea and fatigue. I felt like I was getting "more pregnant," not less (and was very worried about miscarrying due to family history). In the end there isn't much you can do, but patiently wait. That anxiety is a set up for the rest of your life, where you will undoubtedly spend every moment trying to protect this little one. It's adaptive and yet impossible to do.

 

[Bobbys]

You sound like you're talking about my MW group: Hackettstown Midwives? The most wonderful women ever created to deliver babies. If not, then I'm happy to see Jersey is being well represented by other wonderful midwives.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunabin

On the midwife experience - with my first, I saw on ob for 6 months, then after moving switched to a group of midwives who are part of an ob practice. They gave MUCH more face time, and I love how much they tried to educate and empower me to take birthing classes (I used hypnobirthing and no pain meds during delivery), tour the hospital, make a birth plan, make a post-birth plan. They are known in the hospital, so the nurses knew to follow their lead and not ask about drugs or pain levels at all. They urged me to use the hospital bathtub (which I practically ran to), and didn't keep me hooked up to monitors (under my consent of course) and just intermittently checked the baby (who was fine). With one midwife on call at a time, she had 3 other deliveries with mine (I was her last), and so she was there almost constantly the last 2-3 hours (before that I really didn't need her).