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Hey mamas, it's been a minute since I posted. Life has become pretty hectic!<br><br>
Miss EEW is now almost 15 months old, and has turned into quite the little pistol. I've been single since very early in my pregnancy, when my stbx left to keep company with another woman.<br><br>
Here's my current dilemma. I stayed home with E for as long as I possibly could, which was 14 months. I have learned to do without so much and live off of very little, but the time has come for me to start rebuilding my life to provide something solid for my girl.<br><br>
I've just begun working again, 3 days a week. I've been dating someone for about 5 months and it's nice, and I'm trying to have some semblance of a social life whenever I can just so I can feel like a part of the greater world out there.<br><br>
As it stands right now, I have my dd 3-4 days out of the week. Her dad takes her every Monday overnight until around lunch on Tuesday, and then on Thursdays when I work. Thursdays, he takes her to her gmas because my job keeps me out until 7-8pm, which is right around bedtime. It's important to me that I don't disrupt that for her. She spends the night there and I get her Friday morning. Then she spends the night with gma on Friday night again, because I have to be at work at around 5am on Saturday. I have her Saturday night and drop her off somewhere early on Sunday morning because I work that day as well. Then the cycle starts over again.<br><br>
Lately, I'm feeling like a terrible mother. I feel like I'm not spending nearly enough time with my dd, even though the majority of my time away I'm working. I feel torn about even having a social life at this stage, because that's more time away from dd, but I also NEED that time to recharge my batteries. And by "that time", I mean like one evening a week where I have beers with friends for a few hours.<br><br>
How do you other mamas balance your lives? My gut tells me to break it off with the bf....our relationship is nice, but I'm not floored or enamored or anything like that, and I'm not a fan of wasting time. I crave interaction with my friends, and I obviously need to work. Dd is ALWAYS with family or very close friends, ALWAYS being loved, and pretty much thriving in every way....she's a bright, happy, inquisitive toddler who is very securely attached to her primary caregivers.<br><br>
Am I beating myself up unnecessarily?
 

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I'd say yes, beating yourself up unnecessarily. Pay attention to your daughter. If she starts showing signs of stress or difficulty, maybe you need to forego the social life for a while, but if she's doing well, I do think it is helpful to establish a pattern of you spending some small amount of time for yourself. Sounds like you are fortunate to have loving, like-minded caregivers with whom your daughter is close. Many don't have that; while/since you do, one advantage is that you may be able to keep yourself more balanced and emotionally healthy than you would if you were trying to be with your DD at all times except work hours.<br><br>
Sounds like you & she are thriving. You should feel great about that accomplishment.
 

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about the beating yourself up unnecessarily <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> however, i will say that i have been that person who ended a relationship i wasn't enamoured with, probably before i gave it enough time, mostly because my gut just said no, not right now. and that doesn't mean you have to make that choice - you'll KNOW if you need to walk away. your priorities are different sometimes as a single parent - for me, a relationship was starting to compete with my time with dd, BUT that also had to do w/his personality (i was his whole world after like a month). that being said, i wish i had a partner now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> i would LOVE a relationship, if it was the right one.<br><br>
i struggle with guilt too. i have crying meltdowns probably too often. but, i always remind myself, like its a mantra - quality, not quantity.<br><br>
i don't know what else to tell you...i think it comes in waves. some weeks it's great, and i'm confident, and others i feel like i am crumbling. and that's why i come here. that's why we are here - community. encouragement. you're doing it right, i think. you have it figured out. i think you should feel accomplished as well.<br><br>
*hugs*
 
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