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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been at home for about 3 years now and I do try to do things and get out the house. I take the kids places, socialize with mothers at church (only once a week), but somehow I still have this lonely feeling that seems inherent with sahm (at least for me). Do any of you feel this way? I do not try to isolate myself, but just wondering if this lonliness is just part of being a sahm?
 

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I don't think it has to be.<br><br>
Maybe you need to get out even more than you do now...once a week for church is not that much.<br><br>
Do you have any close SAHM friends? Friends who are also at home all day? Because maybe you need to get in touch with them more during the week.<br><br>
You won't be as lonely if you get out there and find the other adults. Sometimes it just takes pushing yourself out the door, even if you initially feel like you want to stay alone.
 

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I spend way too much time talking on MDC! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I do feel lonely as well, a bit more now that I have 2 ds's. It's much harder to get everyone together, dressed etc & out the door to "do things". On the positive side our neighborhood has changed over the past 2 years and there are 10 families w/ children under 3yo. This has helped me tremendesly w/ loneliness. We walk out the door & there are moms & there kids out everyday.
 

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I moved to my area a few years ago and was very lonely, especially after I had my 2nd baby. Someone on here told me to just put myself out there; library storytime, playgrounds, etc. and if you see a mom, go talk to them. Now I have a great group of stay at home and homeschooling moms I hang with. I jumped into every thing I could find where I can meet other moms.<br>
Now, I have also just started working one or two days a week giving massage, which is a nice break from the kids, and I get some time to be an adult.<br>
There are months like this one, when I stay home more than most, and though I do get lonely sometimes, I mostly fight the feeling by calling friends on the phone... and talking a long time. Usually they are moms too, so they are used to the noise of the kids in the background. Good luck, and just put yourself out there!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the responses. Yet I was thinking more on the terms of even though physically you can be surrounded by people, there is a part of mothering that is lonely- an emotional part- that although we can arrange mommy times, playdates, etc.., there is something lonely about motherhood itself (meaning that are we suppose to be doing this work in such an individual/highly independent way). Maybe I'm not making sense. I think I'm just having a tough week.
 

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Are your children young? IMO, this feeling goes away as your children become older. They become companionship. I am have extreme social anxiety and don't socialize with other moms at all really, but my 13 talks a lot to me especially when we go to the track at night (he is training for the track team and I am walking for my health). Even my girls (4) are company as we do everything together all day long including homeschooling and housework. For more adult companionship, I have my mom, dh and the internet.<br><br>
I do remember feeling that way when the girls were infants and toddlers. It was excruciatingly lonely doing everything by yourself with only young children for company. It made me really long for a village from the storybooks where women did chores together, washing and cooking and such. Which is crazy because I can't handle that much contact really, but when you are lonely, you crave what you crave.
 

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I am not exactly lonley, but I have a hard time finding other adults/friends where I live. I'm a widowed SAHM and feel increasingly stigmatized at times. I am starting a holistic moms network chapter this summer in a last ditch effort to meet people in my town and surrounding areas! I have really decided I need some "girlfriends" at this point in my life. I do have aquaintences but I really am wanting some mama friends to hang out with and chat with on a regular basis. someone I can call and cry my eyes out to at 3am or come help us when we are sick, and vice versa,etc. so far I am not really finding friendships for MYSELF at playdates,storytime,etc (but my town is also severely limited in toddler/preschool activities)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rainbowmoon</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7904837"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am not exactly lonley, but I have a hard time finding other adults/friends where I live. I'm a widowed SAHM and feel increasingly stigmatized at times. I am starting a holistic moms network chapter this summer in a last ditch effort to meet people in my town and surrounding areas! I have really decided I need some "girlfriends" at this point in my life. I do have aquaintences but I really am wanting some mama friends to hang out with and chat with on a regular basis. someone I can call and cry my eyes out to at 3am or come help us when we are sick, and vice versa,etc. so far I am not really finding friendships for MYSELF at playdates,storytime,etc (but my town is also severely limited in toddler/preschool activities)</div>
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Congratulations on starting your chapter of the HMN. I forgot to mention I started one too, last June. Its alot of work but I have made a few friends from the group.<br><br>
Being a mom is a tough job and we do have to be very independent. I think you feel maybe you are lacking some communtiy and support? Maybe draw your family closer to you, if you have some nearby. And some moms do meet one other mom they connect with and get together once a week to make dinners or bake together while the kids play.
 

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sunanthem- I'm glad to hear the HMN was helpful. I'm thinking it will be and just what I need..I really have no family or anyone around for that matter! (not in my town or vicinity anyhow) it is very isolating. also tiring because if I want to do anything I have to drive 2+ hours. I have been entertaining the thought of moving elsewhere, but we'll see..I do actually love it here in spite of the lack of support. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I can understand where you are coming from in many ways. Right before I got pregnant with my first baby, we moved to a totally new town. So, not only was it lonely for me as a new mom, but I just never had any girlfriends before I had kids in the area we moved to. I do not know if you BF your children or not, HOWEVER I must say that LLL was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never met such nice women before. I was so afraid to go to LLL thinking they were militant (I just laugh at my ignorance now), but I was able to make friends with a mom a few houses down from me. She too was new to the area with a baby about my son's age. We were both looking for a friend, it ended up working out great and she had gone to LLL once and invited me along. All my other friends have branched off from LLL. Of course, now that friend down the street from me is moving out of state. I'm a little bit bummed, our kids have grown up together and she is the only other person I usually hang out with outside of playdates. So, I once again I am being challenged to put myself out there to make more friends or become closer friends with some of the women that I don't know as well.<br><br>
It's difficult to do, esp if you are a bit of an introvert. If you are not BFing your children, I think you should still call a local LLL leader and ask her if her LLL has any playgroups. I bet she will be more than willing to pass your # on to some other LLL moms with kids your age if you ask her to do so. BTW, I only mention LLL, b/c since you are here on MDC, I figure you are probably looking for other mamas who are NFL types. I hope things get better for you, it's no fun being lonely.
 

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This is an interesting thread. As a WOHM about to make the transition to SAHM, I'm looking forward to being able to finally make some friends.<br><br>
I have found being a WOHM to be incredibly isolating. None of my co-workers have kids, and any free time I have has been racing around doing errands, housekeeping etc. I'm looking forward to the extra hours in the day when I am at home where I can go to the park with my girls, and to playgroups etc, and I can hopefully meet more moms of children my age.<br><br>
Honestly, I think loneliness and isolation are an adult thing, not particular to staying at home or working. It is harder work to make and keep friends when everyone has their own families to take care of.
 

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I think it has to do with the way we choose to raise our kids. I went to a gathering this weekend where all the little kids were running wild. I had no idea who belonged to who. and all the parents we "parenting" each others kids. In many ways it was nice to expereince. But also a bit frightening because with AP or atleast the way I do it, it I want to be the one to be there for my kids when they fall, or help guide them to eat healthy, share etc. when I physically socialize with other parents in playgroups or such activites, I feel like I am not there mentally. Its seems impossible to interact with my kids and have a conversation with adults. At this stage in my life I feel comfortable with spending most of my time with my kids. I don't think of it as isolating or lonely, I think of it as a special time to be a mama to my babies. I have (hopefully) the next 80 years to socialize with friends/adults.
 

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Putting this article into practice as much as I can has helped me:<br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/inspiration/feed_soul_feed_kids.html" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/articles/bo...feed_kids.html</a>
 

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Hhmmm, of all the challenges of being a sahm, I have never really felt that loneliness was one of them. Or maybe its just my personality of not needing to be surrounded by others alot. I attend an excercise class myself once a week (we dont really talk much to each other anyway, so no diff in this aspect), I also receive/send emails to several of my good friends at least couple of times a week or every other day. I meet up with a girlfriend for lunch once a month or so. I chat casually with other mums I meet when I drop/pick DD from school. Oh, and I hang out at this and one other forum alot. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
There are times when I do wish I have more really close girlfriends I can share openly and chat with, but I do realise that such friendships are hard to come by, and I think that I'd prob still feel the way I do now even if I am a wohm, if you gwim.
 

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Becoming really active (hosting several things a month at my house) with my Moms club helped for me. Before that the interactions I had at playgroups, library story time, etc were more like hour long interactions with the check-out person at the store. Polite conversation, prescribed small talk... "oh he's getting so big", "I wish it would stop raining", etc. Having people in my space (or being theirs) on a regular basis helped make that shift from "moms that I know" to "moms that are my friends"
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nikki98</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7904651"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks for the responses. Yet I was thinking more on the terms of even though physically you can be surrounded by people, there is a part of mothering that is lonely- an emotional part- that although we can arrange mommy times, playdates, etc.., there is something lonely about motherhood itself (meaning that are we suppose to be doing this work in such an individual/highly independent way). Maybe I'm not making sense. I think I'm just having a tough week.</div>
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I can definetely understand this feeling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> I tell my DH about the "mommy tank", I need extra love and affection and understanding and support because without it the mommy tank starts to empty and then there isn't enough fuel for any of us to run off of. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Motherhood is the ultimate plan b inducer.<br><br>
Original Plan: I have to pee.<br>
Plan B: I am going to feed and change a baby, then sit him on my lap while I pee, trying to keep him from plummeting to the floor, unraveling the toilet paper, licking the plunger..<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Our every moment revovles around these little, needy people and no two moms experiences will ever be excatly the same, so I do think there is an inherent lonliness to SAHM. :sad But I think if we nuture our spiritual mommy selves we can remedy that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
The sacrafices that we make for them make them better people and us better people.
 
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