[Phantaja]

After wanting a baby for the last seven years and actively trying for three, I'm ready to stop. I don't want to try anymore, I don't want anymore ectopics or losses. I don't want to do this anymore.

But how do you stop? I know that I won't be able to stop constantly looking for fertility signs and symptoms in the ttw. I can't be one of those lucky women who doesn't realize that she's late until she's missed two periods or doesn't know when her LMP was. I'll always know when it's getting close to ovulation. What does it take to just say I'm. Done.

 

[babybeemama]

I am wondering the same thing...how do you quit trying.

Just last week I told my husband that until I have no female organs or I stop having my periods all together, I will continue to hope, to think maybe this month will be the month...

We lost our little boy when I was 6 months pregnant, last June. Now doctors are giving us little hope that we will ever conceive again.

I am seriously at the point of considering adoption. If I can't be pregnant and have a baby, I would be happy to adopt and welcome a child into my family.

I am a woman of faith and pray often. When I tire of praying for myself, I pray for others. This time I'll be keeping you in mind.

Take care...

Monika

 

[Victorian patch]

Well I played my last chance in January, we got a BFN, my period next to that chance was full of pain so I stay at home bedresting and we were waiting for the next one for Mirena, but my period never come I got pregnant, LOL, I know it is silly, but I quit, it was a big desition and long conversation with DH....my son is 9 years old and he is wishing every day a little brother or sister, but I was really tired......after my m/c we know my fertility levels are higher and we will try again for a couple of times, this pregnancy change our plans, but not for a long time. I think we only put the cards on the table and God decide the rules. It is hard to shut the door, but are chapters that we need to finish well..... I cry a lot because my own desition affect my whole family ..... that is the worse part for me, the consecuences for others not for me.

 

[aprilmom]

I am right there with you. While I have not charted like you have, I know when AF is coming and I dread it. We have been trying for almost 22 months and we took a break this winter. Even though we were on a 'brea' and not timing BDing.... when it would get close to AF I would think... well maybe? Do I feel any symptoms? I think it is natural and the most frustraiting thing about it is DH doesn't experience that. While he is sympthetic, he will never understand that hope during every 2ww and that let down!

I hope that you are at peace with what ever decision you make and are able to move on!!

 

[wtg4miracle]

You know I keep asking this myself. I wish I never had this feeling of wanting a baby so badly. I wish there was a magic pill to take to get rid of the suffering. If its available I would pay millions of dollars to get rid of this want. Its killing me and I am not enjoying life to its fullest. I keep praying to "the higher ups" if its not in their will for me to have a baby then take this feeling/pain away. Its torture knowing that I know we are missing a little soul in our life. I would love to have someone tell us to give up and forget about it. But its so hard. I might say that I will stop but it will be for a little while but my heart tells me to keep on plugging. When I see friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbors having babies I just hope that maybe it will be our turn. I figure its a matter of timing for everybody.

 

[poetgirl]

I hear you sister. ONCE, before all this, I was happy, and now the bottom seems to get lower and lower. If I could lobotomize this hunger, this need out of me, I would surely do it. My fear now is that it never dampens, that we never get pregnant and it is the thing that broke me, and it is always between us in our marriage. I worry I will never move past it. I know with most things, eventually you do, but this seems different. In the time we've been trying (2.5 yrs) the feeling has only radically accelerated. I feel like some bizarro part of me will be hopeful every single month until I hit menopause.
So I am thinking about this a lot these days. No answers yet, but a lot of questions.

 

[JustKiya]

I was drifting through this forum, because I have the same question weighing on my heart. I don't know how to quit hoping. I don't know how to quit being crushed everytime I wipe and see red. I've been passionate about childbirth and babies since long before I even started trying, and I feel like that passion is crushed as well because I just can't be with woman in that precious and powerful time when my heart and soul are so crushed with jealousy and wondering why. not. me?
And yet, I still can't leave it alone. And it's only been 2.5 years. I don't know how to keep going. And sometimes, I'm not sure that I want to. But I know, like I know myself, that I desparately want to bear children. It's been the one constant in my life. And now, I feel like things are just crumbling apart, and I don't even know what I want out of my life anymore. I feel like I should just wipe the slate blank and start all over, because I've based the last ten years of my life on hopes and plans to have a family and being a stay at home mother, and I don't know if any of that is possible or even reasonable anymore and - I hate it. I hhaaatttee it like I've never hated anything else because I can't just it out, turn my back, ignore it and get over it.
I want to give up, not just on TTC, but on everything. It all feels so pointless now. But ah, there's hope. There's always hope.

 

[dna1294]

I don't really know if you ever really stop "trying". You have to get to the emotional place of "acceptance", & I don't think we can ever get there. We tried for 6 years before adopting. Since then we've adopted 4 children & are about to do IUI AGAIN! So even w/ having children, you never stop! I think the only way to "fix" that, is to have a baby. Unfortunately, that part of it is WAY out of our hands.

Blessings to you all!
Amy

 

[ChristyMarie]

I'm done.

I need to be. For my mental health, my happiness, my physical health. It has taken too big of a toll on our lives.

Our IVF worked, for a few days, then I lost the pregnancy. Again. I can't do it anymore. And we're meeting with our RE for our follow up on Tuesday but from discussions prior to starting I know that one more loss meant gestational carrier, possibly egg donor as well. We're not willing to go that route.

So we're moving onto adoption. It seems the right choice for us.

But it is so hard. So incredibly hard. The sense of loss - loss of what might have been. I need to call and cancel my maternity coverage. And I just can't. And what do I do with my maternity clothes? Packing those up is going to be so hard. The crib is still up - not sure if we'll take it down or not. Probably leave it up for the adoption process/hope.

 

[poetgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie I'm done. I need to be. For my mental health, my happiness, my physical health. It has taken too big of a toll on our lives. Our IVF worked, for a few days, then I lost the pregnancy. Again. I can't do it anymore. And we're meeting with our RE for our follow up on Tuesday but from discussions prior to starting I know that one more loss meant gestational carrier, possibly egg donor as well. We're not willing to go that route. So we're moving onto adoption. It seems the right choice for us. But it is so hard. So incredibly hard. The sense of loss - loss of what might have been. I need to call and cancel my maternity coverage. And I just can't. And what do I do with my maternity clothes? Packing those up is going to be so hard. The crib is still up - not sure if we'll take it down or not. Probably leave it up for the adoption process/hope.

Christy, I am so sorry. My sister is going through the same thing right now. They have closed the door on the medicated trying process and are into adoption, but months into it, they are still grieving the loss and in very different ways. I will ask her what, if any, of the best resources she has found, both practical and emotional.

 

[dna1294]

Christy I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive cause that is not what is intended, but maybe once you can focus on the adoption process, it may start to heal a part of you. I didn't need to be pregnant to have a child, I just wanted a child, but I didn't realize that for 6 years. I thought I "needed" the whole process when I really just wanted the end result. We had our crib up & down so many times during the first 6 yrs it was crazy. One min. I wanted it up cause I "knew" I was getting pg any time. The next, just the sight of it made me cry. Just like the saying goes "Time heals everything" -- once you have a baby in your arms, you just might thank God for sparing you from going through labor!

Just know that there is a very special little person out there searching for you & waiting for you to find them!

Amy

 

[christophersmom]

I don't know either. We are on hiatus, wondering if we will try again. Mentally and physically we needed a break.