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I've been having trouble with my own patience lately. Dd has been tough to handle, as any 2 going on 3 should be. I know a lot of the time it is me reacting poorly to her, and then we just press each other's buttons until I explode. I feel horrible that I take so much out on her!<br><br>
I do try to be strategic in how I handle her as to not create situations (i.e. give her 5 min. warning before it's time to leave the park, give positive alternatives when something she wants isn't practical). In a perfect world, I'd be able to do this all the time, but in reality I can't always stay one step ahead of her.<br><br>
I suspect this situation isn't so out of the ordinary. Just wondering how you all cope when you feel like you're about to explode? What do you do to maintain yourself as the parent who is modeling the right way to deal with stress & frustration when you are right there on the verge of becommig the child yourself?<br><br>
And, sorry to be picky, but I'm not looking for the "make sure you have time to yourself" answer, because in a perfect world I'd have that too! LOL! Really, I'm wondering what you all do right there at that moment when your skin is crawling and you just want to punch a wall? Or is it just me and you guys never get to this point???
 

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I struggle with this too. I've been trying to change the subject. For example, if we're having a problem, I'll say "Hey, how about if we read a book! Would you like The Peace Book or Fox in Socks?" It worked better when they were younger, so maybe that would be something that would work for you.<br><br>
I've also been trying to take deep breaths until I feel calm enough to say something. Which could mean I'm taking ALOT of breaths! If they keep pestering, sometimes I'll even say "I'm feeling very frustrated right now. I don't want to yell, so I need a minute to calm down." My 5 year old grasps this especially well and the 3 1/2 year olds are starting to.
 

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I could have written this exact post. I struggle with this often. I'll maintain my patience for weeks on end, and then something will just push me over the edge and I'll get really mad. I'm trying so hard not to, but it's usually when we've had a string of bad sleeping nights and I'm exhausted.<br><br>
I've got several books I turn to when ds and I get in a bad place--they help me focus on my long term goals. I'm going to start writing a few things down on cards and hang them in strategic places (like around my neck? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) so I can remember in the moment. I also talk to ds about angry feelings (his, mine, everyone's), and I apologize when I feel like I've been unfairly grumpy with him. But, really, all I can do is the best I can do, yk?<br><br>
I know I haven't been much help here, but I did want to tell you you're not alone!
 

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The thing that's helped me stay cool and detach from other people's stuff is yoga. Truly. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I have a mantra - <i>"In 10 years, will it really matter?"...</i><br><br>
That seems to get me through most of life! LOL!
 

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What really helps me with my two and a half year old is to turn it into humor. It totally changes his mood and mine. For instance, if he's not doing what I want, maybe screaming and throwing a tantrum, when I find myself getting angry, I pretend I'm frustrated in a silly way toward him, maybe saying, "What do you think you're doing?" in the same tone of voice I use for, "I'm gonna get you." Then he laughs and I laugh and we usually both end up rolling around on the floor laughing. Definitely breaks the intensity of my mood and his. I also remind myself that his antics are not a reflection of his character but totally appropriate for his age. That helps me not to take it so personally and to be able to laugh.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

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Sometimes I just lose it and yell. I'll admit that.<br><br>
But if I'm in a moment that I need to calm down right away, I stop for a second and take a deep breath, and start my next sentence to dd with "I love you so much..." it really helps me. That's it. Just to out loud remind myself and her that I love her more than anything.<br><br>
Otherwise, in general, I like to take walks when I can.
 

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Sometimes I don't<br><br>
I find singing helps so I try giving DD a choice of songs. Action songs are good as DD often joins in and stops her tantrum. Then once we are both calmer we carry on singing while we clean up or whatever.<br><br>
I try to keep an activity handy that DD hasn't seen for a while like a sticker book or puzzle. I find it helps to have a distraction on hand so I don't have to think in the heat of the moment. Once she's distracted I head to another room for a couple of minutes.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I have a mantra - "In 10 years, will it really matter?"...<br><br>
That seems to get me through most of life! LOL!</td>
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This is me too, I keep the camera handy to help remind me that I will look back and think it's cute. The photo of DD sat in a pile of cereal which she pourd out makes me smile now but not so much the day I took it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I am very new to this forum, but I have been lerking about here for a while.<br><br>
I was thinking about this. The main thing I do, when I feel my temper rising, is to think myself as a toddler. Why am I getting upset? I have the same triggers, so if I am losing my cool, it is usually because I am tired, thirsty, tired, bored, or wanting to do something else. I try and rectify whichever might be the cause - eat, drink, chill out, do something interesting, or try and get DS to help whatever chore needs doing.<br><br>
If all else fails I put myself in timeout. Not timeout in the way I have done something naughty, but more of I go somewhere for a few minutes on my own and chillout for a few minutes. I tell my DS that I am getting angry, it's not really his fault, but I need to "put myself in timeout" for a few minutes, and I will be back in a little bit.<br><br>
None of the above works all the time, but it helps calm the stress the majority of the time.
 

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You are definitely not alone. There are great suggestions here. Yoga works well for me, (not in the moment, just generally.) I also go for an immediate change of activity, usually I start reading ds a book, or better yet, we GO OUTSIDE!! (I can't stress enough how much that helps me feel calm and peaceful.) If I'm feeling really stressed and impatient, I step outside for a few moments and have an "herbal remedy." Everything is great after that.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kitty_boo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7261215"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am very new to this forum, but I have been lerking about here for a while.<br><br>
I was thinking about this. The main thing I do, when I feel my temper rising, is to think myself as a toddler. Why am I getting upset? I have the same triggers, so if I am losing my cool, it is usually because I am tired, thirsty, tired, bored, or wanting to do something else. I try and rectify whichever might be the cause - eat, drink, chill out, do something interesting, or try and get DS to help whatever chore needs doing.<br><br>
If all else fails I put myself in timeout. Not timeout in the way I have done something naughty, but more of I go somewhere for a few minutes on my own and chillout for a few minutes. I tell my DS that I am getting angry, it's not really his fault, but I need to "put myself in timeout" for a few minutes, and I will be back in a little bit.<br><br>
None of the above works all the time, but it helps calm the stress the majority of the time.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Welcome.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="welcome"><br><br>
Those are great ideas! I especially like the mama timeout. I've tried that once before, but ds just screamed and cried, but I didn't really explain why I went in the other room. I'll try talking to him about it like you said and see if it helps. Thanks!<br><br>
Kelly
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ex Libris</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7262618"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Those are great ideas! I especially like the mama timeout. I've tried that once before, but ds just screamed and cried, but I didn't really explain why I went in the other room. I'll try talking to him about it like you said and see if it helps.</div>
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My ds (almost 3,5) won't understand the concept no matter how hard I try explaining it. He just will scream "I don't want you to calm down! I don't want to be alone!" Alone means sometimes really alone, sometimes with his baby sister and his dad. I think I would need the time-outs for me, so I am trying to get them while he is in the same room screaming. I think it would be easier if I could get some time alone.
 

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I try to really keep myself in a place where I remember how small they are.<br><br>
If I am feeling frustrated I walk away to another room or to the kitchen and I stop and ask myself what do I need right now. Usually what I need is a drink of water and a few deep breathes. Sometimes I do have someone hanging onto my leg as I do this. Then I ask myself what is going on here that my child is demanding, having a tantrum or whatever is pushing my buttons. I have to remember they are not doing this on purpose or to manipulate. There is a need here and they really need me to figure it out and help them.<br><br>
Sometimes nothing works and you have to let the child be unhappy. I will tell them I'm sorry but I can't help you right now because I don't understand what you need. I ask them to calm down and use words or show me.<br><br>
I think often the best is to try to prevent these times with consistent sleep, meals and routine for everyone in the house.<br><br>
If your child needs you try to figure that out and let the rest of the day go. It is ok to have a messy house or PBJs for dinner. Try to strive for a peaceful home above all else.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momuveight2B</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7263188"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think often the best is to try to prevent these times with consistent sleep, meals and routine for everyone in the house.</div>
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So true. Nothing puts my ds out of sorts more than lack of sleep.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">If your child needs you try to figure that out and let the rest of the day go. It is ok to have a messy house or PBJs for dinner. Try to strive for a peaceful home above all else.</td>
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Words to live by. I needed to hear this today, at this moment. Thank you for reminding me.
 
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