Mothering Forum banner
1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,848 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yesterday my husband and I dropped off our ds for his first full day at pre-preschool. We had gone on tuesday and wednesday half day but this was the first day for ds all alone.<br><br>
when we left, my dh was crying like a baby. I was okay (my hard day was the day before) but anyway, I had a moment there when I really got how wonderful my husband is to our son. And he is SOOOO much better of a dad than my own father was to me. As one who spent a lot of time in therapy to get through the debris of childhood, I really feel I got this one right with dh.<br><br>
I was curious how many people feel about their child's father.<br><br>
by the way, ds loved his day at pre-preschool. he was glad to see us at the end of the day but not that thrilled, he didn't want to leave all the kids and toys!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
My husband is the most amazing man. He is by far the best dad. Sorry to all of you who think your man is. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> He is defintley better than my father who left us with a psicotic mom.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: Ray (dada) cried two times last night becuse of how big our little girl is growing. When she was born he took off 3 months to be at home with us. If it wasn't for him I would have given up breastfeeding-he wouldn't listen to my pleas of pain for just a bottle of formula. I owe him soo much. I am still nursing my 2 year old and will till she says " no mas" I don't know if he even realises how much impact he has had on my bond with Sammie.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,848 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">When she was born he took off 3 months to be at home with us.</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,502 Posts
My dad was/is an awesome father. He is a retired schoolteacher and every morning he would get up, make our lunches, teach kids all day and then took me to soccer practice (was my soccer coach for 9 years). He has so much patience, humor and kindness!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
My dh is alot like him. They both like to sing in the morning and are very funny, my dh is very patient and affectionate like my dad and both (if pushed to their limit) get FURIOUS only 2 x a year.<br><br>
Yes, I married my dad!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Love them both so much and feel very blessed to have them.<br><br>
Warmly~<br><br>
Lisa:bf
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,952 Posts
My dad was great! He changed our diapers, bathed us, rocked us to sleep when we were babies. When we were older, he read with us, took us to the movies, and played games with us. I still feel like he is my cheering section. He has a great sense of humor.<br><br>
My dh is great too! He does the baby care while I work 9-5. He feeds, changes, plays, rocks, etc. He is a super-loving daddy!<br><br>
There are some other ways he's like my dad and some that he isn't. One thing that is great is that my dad and my dh have a nice relationship. My dad is kind of shy but really warm, and he likes computers and techie stuff (in an amateur way) so he and my dh talk about that. My dh lost his dad a few years ago, and I think that my dad reaches out to him extra because of that, and my dh knows it. So that's a really neat thing for me, and a super thing for my ds.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
732 Posts
My Dad is a compulsive sex addict, cheating on my mom repeatedly until she left, lies, is HORRIBLE with money, horribly un-safety conscious, and not much of a Dad either. He thought his job was to be a "coach", so whenever I would work really hard to do something he would tell me" that's great, but next time do this better", and my heart would break. He also was a work a holic and wasn't home much, if he was he never watched us by himself. Now my DH definitely has his issues, he struggles with alcholism, he has a temper but he is an awesome father and defintely a better husband than my Dad was. My husband arranges his work schedule so he can be home as much as he can, he takes care of our son by himself all the time, he loves him just as he is without any expectations. He changes diapers, is going to be the one cosleeping with our oldest when the baby comes, has been openminded and resepected our son for who he is, since when I was first pregnant he thought nursing past one was weird and "spoiling" and that we shouldn't cosleep. Even agreed when I wanted to go out and get a King bed to support cosleeping even though our Queen was only a couple years old. All in all he is an awesome father, he never wants to get a babysitter because he doesn't want to be away from our son, it really is so sweet.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,029 Posts
My husband is NOTHING like my dad, but I still love them both and I still think my dad is wonderful.<br><br>
My dad is a military man, pretty stoic and when it comes down to it, very shy. When we were little kids, my dad was awesome. Not very talkative, but he always held us and played with us and changed our diapers and he was the one who talked my mom into breastfeeding us because he had read it was better for babies. He took us to movies, cooked dinner all the time and taught us how to swim. It's hard on him that my sisters and I are growing up, so as we've gotten older, he's withdrawn more and more from us. I see him a lot when we go home to visit, but he rarely says anything to me. I know he's not mad or anything, he just doesn't have anything to say. I don't see anything wrong with it, mostly it just seems kind of funny.<br><br>
Dh, on the other hand, is the sweetest, nicest guy. Today I started crying because of a disagreement about some vegetables (<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: ) and was yelling at him (I'm at thirty-nine weeks). He pulled me into his lap while I cried for like a half hour, which killed his whole lunch hour and then all he had time for was a tortilla. He always kisses my stomach when he leaves for work and isn't shy or reserved at all.<br><br>
I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my dad is very excitied for the baby and in a way I'm a little jealous because the baby will always see the side of my dad that I rarely do. But my dad will make such a great grandpa (I would think he was fun) and Dh will make a wonderful father! I am very lucky.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,932 Posts
My father when I was growing up--very career-driven, rageaholic, emotionally detached/unavailable, patriarchical, domineering, controlling, traveled a lot, objectifed women, etc. Your stereotypical 60's, 70's corporate guy.<br><br>
My husband--extremely evolved emotionally, very present with me and dd even when he has work stress, egoless, sweet, totally not into gender power struggles, I could go on and on.<br><br>
Fortunately, my father has changed over the years-to his credit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,935 Posts
My dad and my husband are not alike at all. This makes sense to me because my dad and I think the same way, and have a similar personality, and I could have never made a marriage work with someone exactly like me.<br><br>
My dad thinks he needs to look out for me and take care of me. He'll always be like this, because he always has been. Even though I've been married almost seven years and out of the house for eleven, he still thinks of me as his baby girl, and he always wants to know what's going on. Do I need help, do I need support, do I need anything? Family is everything to him.<br><br>
He has definite ideas of a woman's place in this world. He's pretty strict and rigid in his ways of thinking. But also very loving to those close to him.<br><br>
My husband is extremely independent. He's very willing to let me be my own person, and I take care of him much more than he takes care of me. But I don't like to be taken care of, so that works out well. He's very open and accepting and carefree.<br><br>
Life is an adventure to him, he doesn't like to be tied down and change is very appealing to him. I will never ever be bored or stagnant with him, ever. It's just not possilbe.<br><br>
Just the same, I know that me and the kids are everything to him. He loves us, with everything he has. He is the best father to our kids, and the best man I have ever known.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,334 Posts
I see a pattern in my dad and my dh. They have things in common, though sometimes I think the fact is that *I* am copying my mom's model and that's what make the men behave in *that* way (mom=dominant, controller, nay sayer of men...)<br><br>
However, though I see a pattern regarding the type of "men" they are, they are sooo different as fathers. My father was the absent "don't touch me" type, and my dh is the most affectionate, commited and helping father. Sometimes he has tantrums with ds and i hate it, because that childish behaviour dodes remind me of my father.<br><br>
My dad has changed now, and although he's still rather alienated, he is much more affectionated than he used to be when I was a kid.<br><br>
Interesting thread, put me to think!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
170 Posts
My dad isnt my real dad...<br><br>
But he has always been there, he taught me to read, would play tea party with me, winters when we lived up north, we would go sleding, ice skating, and the first baby he held was Cathryn (he came into the pic when I was 2) he takes Cathryn and Pj swimming, lays on the couch and reads to them and tries to teach them to fish...<br><br>
Now my dh is awesome with them, he changes diapers, feeds them, lets me get naps in when I need them, at night he spends time on the floor playing with them, helped potty train Cathryn so I didnt have to do it alone, PJ was a emergenvy c sect. he spent the 3 days in the hospital with me, I couldnt move for the first day, so he basically took care of PJ, slept there with me, Cathryn was at my mom's.... I think I am blessed to have both of them
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,844 Posts
Oh, man, this thread made me think too much!!!<br><br>
Some of the qualities I love about my dad I think I was definitely attracted to in my dh--mellowness, realism, practicality (all of which I lack!)....<br><br>
Surprisingly enough, I was looking for a man who was not a drinker, which dh was not a drinker when I first met him...but turned out to be like my father (who left when I was 2 to go get drunk!)...Now I'm thinking I wanted to be the 'rescuing angel' or something somehow...for more of this diatribe, see my new thread on this board!!!!<br><br>
My dh has quit drinking, so this difference between them makes me happy...Dh definitely spends more time & is more emotionally connected with the babes than my Dad ever was with us...I hope being a granddad will help my Dad with this...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,824 Posts
My dad was a "fun" dad when we were little (i.e. never helped my mom) and a detached, tyrant dad when we were older. He was a terrible husband - no respect for my mom. He is passionate and brought a lot ideas and enthusiasm into our lives when we were growing up.<br><br>
My dh will be a great fatehr AND husband. He doesn't have a tyrantical bone in his body and he does his share of work at home. It is more me than him who has to stimulate us, and I do sometimes wish he was more passionate about things (everything is "OK"), but with passion comes other traits - often ego monster traits- that I could do without. So I am happy with my anti-dad.<br><br>
My dad has changed a lot in the last ten years. Too late for our relationship, but perhaps he can have a good relationship with his grandchildren.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,848 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
wow. there have been so many thoughtful responses.<br><br>
I wanted to follow up that we have since taken ds out of pre-preschool because he is too young. And when we came to that decision, end of last week... my husband said he was glad we were ending it. He said everytime he dropped him off he felt a piece of his heart die.<br><br>
I can't imagine my father ever saying that.<br><br>
luckily ds has a much brighter future.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,145 Posts
well, considering that my father was abusive (physically and emotionally), most men would be considered great fathers compared to my own dad.<br><br>
however, that said, i do think that my hubby is a wonderful father. He takes time to get down on the floor and play with our toddler, and i know that our son always looks forward to his 'daddy time' when hubby gets home from work. he's great with the diaper changes and getting Kaeden's supper and whatnot, he's never complained about the chores involved in raising a child. however, sometimes i think he has unrealistic expectations of our toddler, and sometimes he gets impatient and angry too quickly.... but hey, sometimes i do too, right? most of the time, he's an excellent daddy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,492 Posts
When I was growing up, my dad was like a god to me. He was 6'4" and very good looking. He is a carpenter, so he always smelt like wood. But, I learned recently from my mom that he cheated on her several times (even when she was pregnant). I always thought I would find a man who could compare to my dad.<br><br>
My partner is shorter than my dad and sure doen't look anything like him. I wasn't even really attracted to him, it just happened like that. Anyways, I still feel like I'm on the prowl, cause my partner is definately not what I wanted in a man. He is loyal (or so he says) and a great pops, but he and I just don't get along, ever.<br><br>
Maybe some day I'll find that perfect someone, but till then, I'm stuck with a man that's below my standards, in my eyes.<br><br>
Sorry to offend anyone by putting it so bluntly. He just left to go to the bar to listen to some live music with his "friends"..... I'm kinda pissed off. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,848 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
haeven'smama:<br><br>
i'm sorry about all of that. I know you were pissed and your mood will change but seriously, maybe you are ready for some therapy? One good therapist and one library card and you could begin the search for the right man. It starts with clearing out the boulders inside you..fears, concerns, self-limiting beliefs..basically some debris usually left over from childhood..(kids pick up a lot). PM me and I'll give you a list of some good book titles.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
250 Posts
My father was an alcoholic, physically/verbally abusive, emotion ally absent father. He still is, he doesnt even know his grandchildren's names, or care about them at all.<br>
My husband (who has taken my children out to breakfast this morning!) is the kindest, sweetest most loving man in the universe (to me). I certainly did go thru some whangdoodle relationships to get to this guy and I still cant believe it in some ways. There is so much pain in me still from my father but looking at my family now, I can start to forgive him. Im trying.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top