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My dad gave me the heads-up today that my mom is planning to come later this summer, and apparently is planning to stay "a long time." I don't know what "a long time" is but she never comes for less than a week, and last time she came it was for 2 weeks. I'm afraid "a long time" might be 3 weeks.<br><br>
I don't even understand why she would consider this. The last time she came for 2 weeks, it was simply painful. I don't think she had any better of a time than we did. Frankly the visits wear thin (mutually) after about 5 days.<br><br>
One of the reasons her visits to us are so painful is that we don't share the same interests/values. For example, my mother likes to go shopping. I sincerely hate to shop. Not like in a "well, suck it up for your mother" dislike but like in a stomach-wrenching way. She buys stuff for us and it's awful because she feels like she's doing us a favor and we hate it - just clutter and junk for our house, with her tastes and values. She imposes her will on us; here is a minor example but maybe revealing: she likes to have the lights off and the ceiling fan on in a room. I have low vision, am legally blind, and like my lighting a certain way. And I don't really like the ceiling fans to be on unless it's REALLY hot, I don't like the way they feel and I don't care to pay for the added electricity given that I don't really want them on anyway. So she went out and bought an extra long chain so she could turn off the light and turn on the fan while she's here. And installed it herself. Excuse me, this is MY house, and I don't like the damn things. They are so long they hit me in the head when I walk underneath, and I have no use for them. (Yup, I uninstalled them as soon as she left). Anyway, argh, I'm not trying to rant, just trying to explain the issues.<br><br>
Also she likes to go out to eat ALL THE TIME. We can barely afford to pick up a pizza once a month, much less spring for actual restaurants. Honestly she does spring for the tab frequently but I don't care to be in her debt, either. I cook and she hates my cooking. Not to my face but it's almost worse this way: she'll take one bite and exclaim "WONDERFUL!! ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!!!" and then say "oh, I'm so full I can't eat another bite." One time my dad let slip to my DH that apparently my mom was STARVING (while visiting us). So basically she starves herself rather than eating my food and wants to go out all the time, which puts us in a lot of awkward positions. I'm ok with her treating us MOST of the time, but not ALL the time, and she doesn't realize how far back even one night out sets us.<br><br>
Anyway, my father did me the favor of giving me the heads-up (no, my mother doesn't usually check with me before making her plans) and he also told my mother to check with me before actually booking the tickets. Score one for dad. Unfortunately I'm now in the position of either telling my mom no, or just dealing with it. I wish my dad had just taken the extra step of telling my mom "hey, probably the kids would love to see you but not for THAT long!!" The irony is that she has a friend staying with her right now who has overstayed her welcome, so it's not like she can't conceive of the possiblity.<br><br>
So I'm thinking of saying "mom, we're looking forward to you coming but I wonder, aren't you usually bored staying with us more than a week? You know us, we're boring, we don't really do much - well, anyway just a thought, but you're welcome to stay as long as you want."<br><br>
What do you think? I've gotten to the point where I am capable of telling my mother anything at all (previously I didn't have the guts) but obviously I'd still prefer to keep the relationship and so on.<br><br>
If I told her something that hurt her feelings she won't yell at me or anything but it might cause a deep hurt and rift in the relationship. I'd prefer she were actually more open than she is (but she thinks she's the most open and direct person IN THE WORLD) and then I could just tell her what I think without having it come back to bite me 3 years later, or have me lose sleep analyzing her every word.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15440444"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If I told her something that hurt her feelings she won't yell at me or anything but it might cause a deep hurt and rift in the relationship. I'd prefer she were actually more open than she is (but she thinks she's the most open and direct person IN THE WORLD and then I could just tell her what I think without having it come back to bite me 3 years later, or have me lose sleep analyzing her every word.</div>
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Start by being the direct person. Tell her that honestly you love her and like seeing her, but that would perfer the visits were a bit shorter so that all involved don't wear out their patience. Ask her if she enjoys her whole visit. Have you talked to her about buying things? If she wants to treat, object once but if she insists then let her. She may enjoy doing it.<br><br>
If she were to do shorter, more frequent visits would that be better for you? Is it only once a year?<br>
If it were only once a year, honestly I would suck it up and plan a fun time for all.
 

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Put your Mom's name in a baggie with some ice cubes and stick it in the freezer. This is not a curse or anything hateful. It's a simple intention of "freezing something or someone out" It will not harm your relationship, and it will not even necessarily cancel her trip. But I bet you it will shorten it. Don't be surprised when you get a call saying the trip will only be a few days or so.<br>
I tell my clients to do this all the time and they always report back to me how much it works. I have done it myself a couple of times as well and it was just the trick I needed. Believe it or not, but you may as well try it. What have you got to lose?! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I would answer your question by saying "you don't". Your mom is probably doing this because she loves you guys, and just as you would want to visit your children and grandchildren when you are older, so does she. I know we all think we would never do these things, but I bet many of us will be when we are older! What I would do though to make it OK for you is to tell her you can not afford to go out to dinner at all, not even once. If she wants to pay then fine, but you can't. I think it is totally reasonable to not have to pay for a restaurant and to tell her that! As far as the stuff like the fan, maybe just deal with it. If you tell her not to stay as long I think it could really hurt her. We all want to feel like we can see our kids (grandkids) often, and it could really hurt. I think maybe she will come to her senses and choose not to stay as long.
 

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OK, I'm open minded. I'll try the baggie trick now. I have to call mom today, though, since it's her birthday. But I'll freeze her name up before I do it, and maybe she'll tell me she was thinking 1 week.<br><br>
She visits about 3 times a year (and we visit once). I think 1 week per trip is reasonable. If the freezer trick doesn't work, yes, I'll try being more direct.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>GearGirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15440982"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would answer your question by saying "you don't". Your mom is probably doing this because she loves you guys, and just as you would want to visit your children and grandchildren when you are older, so does she. I know we all think we would never do these things, but I bet many of us will be when we are older! What I would do though to make it OK for you is to tell her you can not afford to go out to dinner at all, not even once. If she wants to pay then fine, but you can't. I think it is totally reasonable to not have to pay for a restaurant and to tell her that! As far as the stuff like the fan, maybe just deal with it. If you tell her not to stay as long I think it could really hurt her. We all want to feel like we can see our kids (grandkids) often, and it could really hurt. I think maybe she will come to her senses and choose not to stay as long.</div>
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I'm going to think about this.<br><br>
My initial reaction, though, is that I think the long visits harm our relationship, far more than help it. We have a great deal of strain between the two of us since I became a mom. We sincerely enjoy seeing each other for a few days, but then the strain really sets in. And it's this strain that makes me utterly DREAD seeing my mother. If we could keep things shorter maybe I wouldn't dread it so much. The dread is so strong that, if you cared to read through my history enough, you'd find posts with me freaking out every time she is about to come, some of them I have even asked if I could medicate myself just for the visit - I was dissuaded from that, but really, my mom's visits are literally the most stressful thing in my life. Which probably says more about how good my life is, but anyway.<br><br>
My mother seems to have this amnesia between visits, though. I could be projecting but I think she hates the visits after a few days too. She tends to hide in her room and not come out, she apparently starves herself, she's bored, etc. When a visit is over, we frequently don't even talk for a month - not in anger like "I'm not speaking to her" but just really having had enough. And then she'll start to kind of forget and she builds these fantasies in her head about how it will be.<br><br>
She has a lot of fantasies, like she constantly fantasizes about moving to our town. She has fantasies about being a nanny to DD (even though she usually doesn't have the energy to be with DD for more than 30 minutes - this is purely an energy problem, though, not lack of love of course). So it's not surprising that she also has grand fantasies about our visits together. For me, it's all about just getting through it without a big blowup or going crazy.<br><br>
If I met my mom for dinner or whatever once a week I'd be grand. I love my mother. I can't take her for more than a few days though.<br><br>
So that's my initial reaction. I am not seeking to cut my mother out or anything, I just have no desire to set up this visit for failure. And I promise you, if she stays here for 3 weeks a blowup will happen. This is not about me not trying hard enough, I try so hard I just about crack OPEN every visit, and that's why I'm practically CRYING sitting here talking about a visit that's not going to happen until August.<br><br>
BTW I did the freezer thing.
 

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I would be absolutely blunt and tell her that if she wants to come visit for more than a week she needs to get a hotel. That you both need your own space to relax and retreat to during her visit. That if she visits for a week or less she is welcome to stay with you, but any longer and it's hotel-time. And then stick to it. At least that way you will both have a little more space to breathe.<br><br>
Of course, I also would be very clear to her when she does something you don't like (like the fan/light thing) - be extremely blunt about the fact that this is not okay. For someone who has vision problems, you don't need her coming in and changing things around on you. It's your house and you depend on them being a certain way. I wouldn't have waited for her to leave to uninstall the chains.
 

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I really don't have any advice, I'm quite sorry to say... cause' I'm right there with you. Only my mom has more-or-less invited herself to come down *EVERY* sunday and spend *ALL* day here, and often spend the frigging night. We don't get along. We'll just leave it at that (I'm sure some of you have heard my ranting before<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">, and I've been trying to figure out how the hell to tell her that no, its NOT ok for her to come down, but I don't know how to do that w/o hurting her feelings (and then getting a phone call from my brother a couple days later about how I "have to be nice to mom, cause' she has issues..."). So hugs.<br><br>
Good luck. I'm totally going to try the name in a baggie thing. Worth a try!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15441098"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm going to think about this.<br><br>
My initial reaction, though, is that I think the long visits harm our relationship, far more than help it. We have a great deal of strain between the two of us since I became a mom. We sincerely enjoy seeing each other for a few days, but then the strain really sets in. And it's this strain that makes me utterly DREAD seeing my mother. If we could keep things shorter maybe I wouldn't dread it so much. The dread is so strong that, if you cared to read through my history enough, you'd find posts with me freaking out every time she is about to come, some of them I have even asked if I could medicate myself just for the visit - I was dissuaded from that, but really, my mom's visits are literally the most stressful thing in my life. Which probably says more about how good my life is, but anyway.<br><br>
My mother seems to have this amnesia between visits, though. I could be projecting but I think she hates the visits after a few days too. She tends to hide in her room and not come out, she apparently starves herself, she's bored, etc. When a visit is over, we frequently don't even talk for a month - not in anger like "I'm not speaking to her" but just really having had enough. And then she'll start to kind of forget and she builds these fantasies in her head about how it will be.<br><br>
She has a lot of fantasies, like she constantly fantasizes about moving to our town. She has fantasies about being a nanny to DD (even though she usually doesn't have the energy to be with DD for more than 30 minutes - this is purely an energy problem, though, not lack of love of course). So it's not surprising that she also has grand fantasies about our visits together. For me, it's all about just getting through it without a big blowup or going crazy.<br><br>
If I met my mom for dinner or whatever once a week I'd be grand. I love my mother. I can't take her for more than a few days though.<br><br>
So that's my initial reaction. I am not seeking to cut my mother out or anything, I just have no desire to set up this visit for failure. And I promise you, if she stays here for 3 weeks a blowup will happen. This is not about me not trying hard enough, I try so hard I just about crack OPEN every visit, and that's why I'm practically CRYING sitting here talking about a visit that's not going to happen until August.<br><br>
BTW I did the freezer thing.</div>
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That makes sense, I bet she is fantasizing about her long visit, but it isn't reality. Is there anyone else that could maybe suggest that she not spend as long? Is there anything you guys are planning that might have to cut her visit short, like your own weekend away?
 

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My mom always stays for 2 weeks, and we all go crazy. When we had more money we gave them (mom and SD) a getaway as a gift. If they go for 2-3 days to a hotel in some interesting town, it makes it much more manageable. It's a great break in the middle of a long trip.<br><br>
Now, they still do that, and pay for it themselves. I just word it about her, and not us. Like "I know we drive you crazy" or something. I think I even got more blunt last time and said something like (haha) "we'll have to kick you out for a couple days in the middle so the kids don't drive you bonkers"...<br><br>
I think we both appreciate the time away! And I know her hubby does too. Can you give your mom a special day (and night) at a spa a couple hours away???
 

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"We teach people how to treat us."<br><br>
You've taught your mom that it's ok to stay for 3 weeks and install things in your house.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15441677"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"We teach people how to treat us."<br><br>
You've taught your mom that it's ok to stay for 3 weeks and install things in your house.</div>
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I haven't taught her it's ok to stay for 3 weeks yet! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br>
And in fact I won't. Apparently I taught her it was ok to stay for 2 weeks though.<br><br>
Yes on the installation thingie. Thankfully I have been so much more assertive with her over the years, to the point where now I can tell her not to come for so long.<br><br>
I thought I was going to have to do it last night - yesterday was her birthday and I called her. But she wasn't feeling well and we only talked long enough to wish her a happy birthday. So the issue is still open.<br><br>
The folks who said they had similar issues with their moms, that made me feel a lot better - not to be alone in this.
 

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I read your post when you first posted it, but I had nothing useful to say, so I didn't respond. Now that other people have posted though...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
My mother doesn't come to visit me often because her health just does not permit it. But the last time she came, she stayed quite a long time--6 weeks. After maybe 4 weeks, she realized that she wasn't happy here either. Two weeks would be the minimum she would stay. Now my FIL, he only comes for 2 or 3 days, and my MIL came for almost a week once, and my husband was going crazy by the end. I have no idea why, because she seems so much easier than my mom.<br><br>
There are all these little clashes with how I do things and how she does things, and she's trying not to be overly negative, but there this, "Oh that is so interesting, no one else would do something like that." Which after awhile disintegrates into outright criticism and name calling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I think sometime actually having the in your face argument is what helps us clear the air. Although I have to say my mom has not been back since her 6 week visit 2 years ago.<br><br>
Oh my gosh, and going shopping with her at Costco? It was a horrid experience. So the next time I went, she said she didn't need to go. So I said, "Ok, see ya!" Oh wow, apparently she really wanted to go and was waiting for me to tell her how much I wanted her to go. She was crying when I got back. And to make it worse, I didn't make a meal that day. My tendency not to "make meals" really wore on her. She wanted me to cook things.<br><br>
Wow, she's kind of like my kids!<br><br>
Anyway, good luck to you!
 

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My mom comes in a opens the blinds and stuff so the whole neighborhood can see in <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
I just close them.
 

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If your mom doesn't already know your financial situation now would be the time to tell her. I used to eat out and shop with my mom ALL THE TIME. Well times have changed and I can't roll that way anymore. I say this because after I discussed it with my mom she picked up the tag and bought only the stuff I asked for specifically when she wanted to treat us. There is no sense in your mom wasting money, but if she really wants to gift you things maybe you can do it together with only certain items allowed. No one wants to throw away their money, so tell it like it is. When I told my mother I felt bad that I couldn't treat her, she just said that she understood since I am a SAHM. It was her treat.<br><br>
We are dealing with something similar and my husband comes from a very generous family but now is not the time. We will be only doing activities that are free to us (passes or parks). I don't care who is coming, I will not get further into debt just to be nice.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Happiestever</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15446634"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If your mom doesn't already know your financial situation now would be the time to tell her. ... There is no sense in your mom wasting money, but if she really wants to gift you things maybe you can do it together with only certain items allowed.</div>
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<b>WARNING: Long, rambly post ahead. I do this.</b><br><br>
She knows, but maybe she knows too much - she does not agree with our financial lifestyle choices. (Or our environmental choices for that matter).<br><br>
One of my struggles with her is a split in values. It's not merely that I'm frugal and she's not - though that already is hard enough. But I feel that frugality is a value, and she not only does not consider it a value, she feels that being frugal is immoral.<br><br>
This is her point of view: life is short, you have to be happy. And the path to being happy is not having a lot of "rules," and to prize convenience above all else (so you have the time and space and energy to be happy since you don't have to do something you don't have to do). So, in my mother's world view, it's wrong to cook from scratch if you can order out - a waste of time and energy that will detract from your happiness. Self-discipline is wrong, "rules" are wrong. Why make something if you can just buy it? Why decide you can't afford something you saw at the store when you can just charge it? "Everybody has debt, you can't live without debt" is a verbatim quote she said about 6 weeks ago to me when I made the mistake of telling her how excited we were to finally have a plan to pay off our student loan in 3.5 years.<br><br>
So, the way she sees it, we can TOTALLY afford to eat out. Several times a week, in fact. We're being stingy and cheap by not doing it.<br><br>
From our point of view, we seriously can't afford it - it's not even a choice. We have $1,000 in savings. We have hardly any retirement savings at all and not contributing anything at the time (nor have we for several years). We're 34. Our household income under the national average (and it's about 1/3 of what my parents made when they were our age - NOT adjusted for inflation!! they sent me to private school and we can't even fathom taking a $500 vacation). As it is, we feel like we're pretty much screwed financially - we're going to have to work very hard and very long to get to anything resembling security. Also, I have a progressive vision loss and will be too blind to realistically work some day. The clock is ticking.<br><br>
My parents did not save for retirement and didn't even pay a mortgage on a home (much less own one) 5 years ago. They rented a house for $2000 a month. (Flush goes the money down the toilet). They got bailed out by other people - first my dad's long-lost uncle never had any kids and apparently he was one of those guys who didn't make much but squirrelled it all away. And he died and left it for all his neices and nephews, including my dad. The amount was enough to completely wipe out my parents' consumer debt that was dragging them down.<br><br>
Then, very sadly, my mother's mother died. I absolutely hate to type something that sounds like my parents were in luck and profitted from this - I know they would gladly give back the money and twice more to have her back - but the upshot was they inherited her house and a decent stash of money. So now they are all set, debt-free, own their own home, actually have retirement funds. But all from - not luck, but the work of others.<br><br>
So we have a major split when it comes to values and money, and explaining our situation in more detail will probably lead to more disagreement, not less. She feels that the fact that I "worry" about money is just not the right way to live my life.
 

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Oh, all that and I didn't even address the "mom wasting money" part.<br><br>
I'll try to be short. For reasons I don't fully understand, I really dislike receiving gifts - and especially from my mother. If someone hands me a gift I internally sigh and steel myself for it. Obviously it's my problem, I've never even met anyone else who feels like I do about gifts. I suspect it's because my mother bought me EVERYTHING as a kid, and I have fully learned that stuff doesn't bring happiness.<br><br>
My mother seems to speak the language of gifts for giving - though, oddly, not for receiving. (Hmm, maybe she even dislikes receiving as much as I do - not sure). She would like nothing more than to go to the mall with me and have me be sooo excited about all the stuff she buys me.<br><br>
"So, let your mother live a little and just go to the mall and let her buy you stuff!!! Sounds pretty easy!!!". Hmm. But it's not. After years and years of forcing myself to deal with her buying me crap, 1.5 years ago I decided I would give her what she really wanted. I thought of something I'd like, something not terribly practical: tall boots to replace a pair I bought in 1994 which I had finally worn out. I told her. Her eyes gleamed. We drove to the store. I picked out a pair of brown leather boots, didn't even look at the price tag. My mother, as I knew she would, took the inch I gave her and also a mile - I had to have clothes to go with the boots. Fine, mom, I'd like a short skirt to go with them. We ended up buying 4 skirts. And 4 tops. I forced myself to show her I was excited. I even did a fashion show when we came home. Kissed her and thanked her very much. She was utterly thrilled.<br><br>
But then... she started telling everyone, including me and my husband, multiple times, that she ***KNEW*** I wanted this stuff after all. I have never stopped regretting this trip since, and it's been 1.5 years. She couldn't just take it and be happy with it. Now she "KNOWS" that I actually secretly LOVE getting stuff. (It's not true, in case it's not clear). She actually told my husband, "I know better than she does. She doesn't even know herself, I know better. I saw her eyes light up when we bought that stuff." I feel like I'm just going to pay for this over and over and over again.<br><br>
Wow, I didn't even talk about wasted money. Gosh. Well, suffice it to say, my mother is fine wasting money. Her shopping habits are the reason my father can't retire. I don't think they are in money trouble, but he has to keep earning or she'll just spend away their retirement nest. She buys me stuff even though I'm sure she suspects half of it gets passed right along. Do you see how this is another problem between us? She'll blow $400 on clothes I don't want, that I have to deal with somehow (either giving away or finding other clothes in my closet to give away or just dealing with the ever-increasing amount of CLUTTER and STUFF in my house that she FORCES on me and the sanctuary of MY HOME) - knowing that my father, who by now hates his job, has to keep working because of it.<br><br>
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
I should probably just erase this but it's good to get it out.
 

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Well that explains a lot. I am sorry - your mom sounds out of control when it comes to spending. I thought perhaps you could ask for these like really great cookware/knives or a organic bed. Just me dreaming out loud. But now I think you should have your dad talk to her. I feel awful about our financial situation so I couldn't imagine being retirement age and still living recklessly. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere together, to make a day not about money at all but seeing how much we really don't need all that we want. Tell her to put the money in a trust instead.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Happiestever</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15448971"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well that explains a lot. I am sorry - your mom sounds out of control when it comes to spending. I thought perhaps you could ask for these like really great cookware/knives or a organic bed. Just me dreaming out loud. But now I think you should have your dad talk to her. I feel awful about our financial situation so I couldn't imagine being retirement age and still living recklessly. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere together, to make a day not about money at all but seeing how much we really don't need all that we want. Tell her to put the money in a trust instead.</div>
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Yeah, she doesn't want to buy anything practical that I would like. We've actually had incidents, I'll spare you the details, but where she made sure I got what she wanted even though she knew full well that I really wanted something else, of an equal amount of money. This is a control thing, as far as I can see. It has to be her way.<br><br>
My dad can't/won't talk to her. His method of dealing with her is passive aggression. I was really pleasantly shocked that he gave me the heads-up about this, it's not typical AT ALL for him to run interference for us. I'm just going to have to deal with it myself, and that's ok.<br><br>
I would love to volunteer somewhere with my mother. Not gonna happen. One of the reasons our visits are so painful. She finds our life excruciatingly boring. I like our life <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> We go to the farm every week, we pick our own strawberries and such (whatever's in season). We visit chickens, cows and pigs. We took her along once and she elected to stay in the car.<br><br>
She's not really up for hikes or anything, and I can totally understand that, but she doesn't enjoy even seeing sites that you can actually drive up to.<br><br>
She doesn't care about the free community events we love. Like, the town shows movies on an outside screen, everybody comes and brings blankets and chairs and watch family movies under the stars. I usually bake cookies and bring them. To me, this is the best stuff. She doesn't go.<br><br>
She doesn't want to cook with me. I haven't figured it out, but she's extremely, extremely against my cooking. Extremely.<br><br>
She wants to go SHOPPING. That's what she wants to do. And that's pretty much the one thing that I really, really, really don't want to do.<br><br>
I would love for her to put the money in a trust. A trust for her. A trust for my daughter. Even a trust for me, fine. I don't care. No way would she do that. The point of money, for her, is to spend. It would be just WRONG for her to put it away. If she ever gave us money, she knows it would just go to pay down our debt (or into savings) and she considers that wrong.<br><br>
Does anyone start to see why I don't want my mother here for 3 weeks! Or even 2????
 
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