[Ms. Incognito]

I have been with my DP for a very long time. The sex has always been good but he is really not a good kisser. I've tried to "teach" him and it works out ok but I'm starting to wish he was just naturally a good kisser. Before we were ever together I would always get comments on what a good kisser I was and I realize now that it is something I really miss - to be able to passionately kiss and have it be a nice, arousing thing. The thing is, he wants to kiss me. A lot really. I just don't know if he can ever become a good kisser.<br><br>
This is so embarassing. Any advice?

 

[lauraess]

Im relating to you since I remember being sooo worried before i ever kissed my dh- before we were actually dating- that he might be a bad kisser. I had never ever worried about this before and still its funny to think i did. ??? weird> well, I was releived he kissed well enough. For you i think it's great that he can take some "teaching"! Is he really open to it?? If so.. I think you should be very grateful that this is something you can work on together. Maybe you cant see that but many people would not take it well. who knows.. maybe you'll turn him into such a good kisser that you'll always want to kiss him!<br>
remember: fantasies are ALWAYS much better in our heads than they would be in real life... It's the accepting of reality that opens up the possibilities.<br>
~Laura

 

[lauraess]

Oh! I thought of an idea: get some good movies were theres good kissing scenes for you to study together!... somewhere i remember seeing a show on the "best ever kissing scenes"<br>
Laura

 

[Ms. Incognito]

Thanks lauraess.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lauraess</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">who knows.. maybe you'll turn him into such a good kisser that you'll always want to kiss him!</div>
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Like I said I have tried to "teach" him and we've been together a looooooooong time. I think it is just something you are either good at or not good at. I don't want to have to tell him how to kiss everytime. I want him to know how. I just find myself thinking of other wonderful kisses I've had and knowing I'll never, ever have a really great kiss again. I just don't think a movie could teach him, or anyone really.

 

[Aquaduct]

I think you should be thankful the sex is good. It's more important, don't you think?

 

[lauraess]

Oops... sorry, i guess i misunderstood and thought you were in the process of teaching him and that you might still have hope. I am sorry you are so down by this. I wish my husband looked a certain way.. but i cant exactly make that happen either. I wish i had better advice.<br>
I wonder why you are embarrased tho? It's not like he's doing something 'wrong" or weird. All of us have our strenghts and weaknesses. In wanting to further understand this clearly im going to ask if you have discussed this with him? since you said you tried to teach him, does that mean he was the teachable?<br>
Laura

 

[Ms. Incognito]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Aquaduct</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you should be thankful the sex is good. It's more important, don't you think?</div>
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I see your point but it is a problem. He always wants to kiss me and I never want to kiss him because it's not good. He feels a little rejected.<br><br>
I am embarassed because it is a problem we have and I'm embarassed because we are the only couple I know that doesn't kiss. :-( It makes me sad that every movie we watch together the couples are kissing and I can't even relate anymore.<br><br>
I have said "I like kissing like this, let me show you." I would never want to tell him that I think he's a bad kisser but my silence hurts his feelings too. He is open to learning but how much time do I really have to invest in something that I wish came naturally?

 

[lauraess]

The question might be : how much time shall i waste wishing when i could be finding a way to let this bring us closer? If you've been together so long i'd thnk you really really loved each other and can get honest about this.<br>
Laura

 

[guestmama9915]

Kissing can be important, but are there's other things he can do that are intimate but not quite sex? I love kissing. Unfortunately my DH has stopped brushing his teeth on a regular basis, despite my constant hinting at it. And he wonders why I'm not in the mood ever... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
ANYWAY. I don't really know what to tell you.. maybe you could try different techniques, too? Maybe something will click?

 

[Brookesmom]

Just wanted to say that I totally know what you mean. I think kissing is an art and some people are great at it and others, just OK.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ms. Incognito</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">. I just find myself thinking of other wonderful kisses I've had and knowing I'll never, ever have a really great kiss again. I just don't think a movie could teach him, or anyone really.</div>
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[Aquaduct]

There is a bit of an art to sex too. Not so much needed for the men if they're well equiped, but always room for improvement.<br><br>
You could make some suggestions on kissing techniques, after praising him for his sexual capabilities. Criticism coated with honey!<br><br>
One technique which is supposed to be a real turn on is kissing hard, then kissing soft. It's psychological too. To be a good kisser you have to be very present, in the moment, not afraid to "let go" and be creative.<br><br>
Responsive I guess, and in turns assertive, rhythmical.<br><br>
I used to love kissing in the backs of cinemas when a teenager, when it was all so new. I remember not seeing a whole movie once because of so much pashing.

 

[BinahYeteirah]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Aquaduct</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There is a bit of an art to sex too. Not so much needed for the men if they're well equiped, but always room for improvement.</div>
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Is that really what you think?<br><br>
LOL

 

[Aquaduct]

I tend to think that. What about you?

 

[guerrillamama]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Aquaduct</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I tend to think that. What about you?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"><br>
Few things worse than a man who thinks he doesn't need to put in any effort b/c he is well-endowed. Ugh. If I just wanted to be repeatedly, rhythmically hit with a large hard object I could do that myself. In fact, I often find that less-endowed men are better lovers b/c they realize they have to put in some effort.<br><br>
sorry... TMI?<br><br>
anyway to OP: I feel your pain, I have dated some terrible kissers. I don't have any suggestions, if you've been working on this a long time and still no improvement, I don't know what to say. I might suggest both of you consdiering messing around w/ other people, but I am kind of unusual in my views on monogamy; I recognize most people would definitely not be comfortable w/ that.

 

[magnoliablue]

I love to kiss. DP is an excellent kisser. Our problem is that his ex was turned off by kissing, and used to make him feel like something was wrong with him, so now he has a phobia about it. We talked about it though, and he has been definitely putting more effort into kissing me. But for a while there I was taking it personally, even though I know I am a pretty good kisser, or so I've been told <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> It is alot better than it was.

 

[BinahYeteirah]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>guerrillamama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"><br>
Few things worse than a man who thinks he doesn't need to put in any effort b/c he is well-endowed. Ugh. If I just wanted to be repeatedly, rhythmically hit with a large hard object I could do that myself. In fact, I often find that less-endowed men are better lovers b/c they realize they have to put in some effort.</div>
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Yeah, that. When I have seen porn in the past <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> (though I don't watch it now for many reasons, such as my religious beliefs), I have often found myself thinking, "Man that must *hurt*!!!" It is just so much banging around. Yuck!

 

[Aquaduct]

Yes, porn is pretty banal.

 

[Kim]

Is there *anything* about his kissing that you do like?<br><br>
Ask him for a good 'ol fashioned make-out session. When he does kiss you, tell him *exactly* what you do like about his kisses. Things like, "I love it when you nibble my lips", or "OMG, it is such a turn-on when <insert <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> >"<br><br>
He will probably be encouraged by the things he knows you love, and you can make subtle suggestions from there.<br><br>
HTH

 

[allgirls]

my hubby is an awesome kisser...his previous girlfriend didn't like the way he kissed and told him he was a bad kisser...I think it was a matter of taste...he kisses me just the way I love to be kissed...makes me weak in the knees to even think of it...I don't understand how she could not like it....<br><br>
Maybe it's not that your hubby is a bad kisser, he just doesn't kiss the way you like...maybe you can approach it that way.

 

[MPJJJ]

I love kissing DH during sex, but he kisses faster then I like. I like the slow, touchy-feely kisses, and he kisses almost in time to his pace. (TMI?) 6 years I have been trying to get him to kiss slower... he starts out that way, but then gets too involved, and forgets. I'm about ready to give up. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br>
But yea, we do kiss a lot at other times, and I enjoy it. I just wish he would slow down when we're being intimate!