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<p>Hi,</p>
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<p>My ex and I separated 8 months ago, and the divorce was final Nov. 4.  He moved out of the house when we separated...in with his parents.  I have since re-financed the house in my name only.  We have shared custody...that's a joke since he works third shift right now and has had Nick maybe 6 nights in the last 4 months or so..but whatever I guess.  Nick does go to daddy's at least 3-4 times a week after daycare for dinner/bath.  Nick is 3.5.  Ex and I live about 15 minutes away from each other.</p>
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<p>For the most part, we get along very well.  We split expenses 60/40, and it works well enough for me.  The third shift thing will hopefully end soon, he just took the job to have health ins. since I carried it for him while we were married, and his previous job didn't have health insurance.  He is trying to start his own business, and I do think he will be successful.</p>
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<p>So, I am wondering how your kids do when they spend the night with daddy....or any time for that matter.  Nick tends to get upset, still, from what my ex tells me.  He will cry out of the blue and be very sad.  Not for very long..but it still bothers me.  When Nick spends the night it's worse of course.  I co-sleep.  He does not.  I have always slept with Nick and he never did...but Nick cries when bedtime rolls around.  He's not crying himself to sleep or anything, he is calm by the time he is actually in bed, but he gets upset during the time leading up to it.  I've tried sleeping in my own bed--I did it for a week, and Nick actually did really good...but I didn't.  Is that wrong?  Would it be better for me me stop doing that?  Nick and I have an extremely close bond, and I know that is probably part of the issue.  He was 3 months premature and I have been stuck to him like glue whenever I can.  I have to say, I enjoy the third shift thing now because he rarely spends a night away from me.  :)</p>
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<p>I know the ex is a good dad, I am hopeful that Nick will adjust.  I just wonder how long it will take.  Alot of the issues I had with the ex is that he NEVER did anything with Nick for 2.5 years, I did everything, there was no bond, and it killed me.  Now, he HAS to spend time with him, and he loves it.</p>
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<p>So, just wondering how other kids are handling things.</p>
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<p>Thanks!</p>
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<p>Jen</p>
 

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<p>dd started overnights when she was 3.</p>
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<p>we first started with ex coming over to my place and help putting dd to bed. i would either leave the house or sit on the front porch and read.</p>
<p>initially i would be in the front room. if dd was too restless i would go back in. but soon she started getting used to ex putting her to bed.</p>
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<p>once dd was falling asleep well with ex he started taking her. the first few times i got the call two hours later to come pick her up because she was crying too much. then he was able to handle it better. and discovered ways to soothe dd so she didnt cry too long. sometimes dd didnt want to go. if she REALLY didnt want to go we didnt push it. however  i would always encourage her to go as daddy would miss her.</p>
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<p>we coslept but initially she and daddy didnt cosleep. but then she convinced him to cosleep.</p>
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<p>we were doing every alternate nights. if we didnt do that we found dd would pretty much cry for me. dd is 8 now. we have pretty much kept the same visitation since then. every alternate day during the week with weekends with me.</p>
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<p>however its very lose. like this weekend dd is with ex while i study for my finals.</p>
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<p>the key was even though ex and i dont get along we both have dd's best and can kinda keep that in focus.</p>
 
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