[Strong Mama]

As in, what do you let him do/not do?

I have been letting my ds go *uptown* with his friend to skate, for a few hours. He has his cell and stuff, and he has to call or text me every hour to let me know where he is, plus I call him and he is always supposed to answer, that is the rule. If he ever not answers, wihtout justifiable reason, he is grounded. Some people say I let my son *ramble the roads* I dunno. I did when I was young and loved it. So, what do you let your 13yo do?

 

[smillerhouse]

My daughter turned 14 two months ago. This is connected with the freedom and trust connected with the first boyfreind thread.It is very important to her to have space from me and freedom and to build trust. I let her go to the movies . The movie propieter (older Southern, kids should be see not heard type) told them not ot come back about 2 and a half months ago.The peer pressure thing is a big concern and consideration. It just takes a lot of energy to know the kids,the situations and to put some reasonalbe (to me,not always to her) time limits. They saw Pirates there a few weeks ago,with a dad present. I let her go horse back riding with the neighbor. I acutally do a lot of freedom and it is more than many feel comfortable with but hey, I want to follow my heart and also trust my daughter.She is also extremly high energy,a risk taker and an adventure seeker. I try to channel this in healthy ways as much as possible. This summer, she is doing volleyball, indoor soccer,hip hop, and voice. I let her go over to freind's for a few hours. I do insist on some sort of adult supervison. I will take her and several freinds to the springs. She goes over to friends for a few hours. For me, the key, is how long,all day long seems too much,depending on the situaiton. She has done overnights,summer camp. This year she is going to a volleyball camp at the local university and I am havng her be a commuter camper,vs. staying in the dorms. I give her as much space and freedom as possible, to hang and enjoy her freinds while knowing who she is with,the level of supervison,and where she is at.I don't want her hangng in town without supervison becasue it is not that teen friendly. Being in touch every few hours by cell phone is importan to me. Sallie

 

[orangefoot]

My ds is 14 and 'rambles the roads' along with a lot of his friends. He is restless at home and I don't see why I should keep him here when he is happy out and about. Heck, I am restless at home too!

We live in a small-ish country town not far from Oxford and you can get all around the town on a bicycle which is what they do. Someone will call for him or he wil call for someone then they visit someone else or go to the park, the river, the shops. Once in a while they get together and catch the bus to Oxford but this is a big deal.

My son is a very kind and well behaved young man and so are all the boys he hangs out with. All of us mums get reports from the 'mummy mafia' about what our sons are up to in town. The boys know that wherever they are someone we know will see them and if they are badly behaved we will know about it. We have had no bad reposrts yet.

They can be out from 10 - 6 at the weekends only coming home for lunch. Ds has been fishing with a couple of friends whose dad takes them to a fishing place then picks them up later on in the day. They have mobiles and call to let us know they are ok.

His walk to school in the morning takes half an hour but it takes him an hour and a half to get home because he goes by a very circuitous route walking with different people to their houses. I know this from him and from 'sightings' form the mummies! As a result we have an agreement that he must be home before 4.30 in winter and 5pm when it is lighter or I will worry and he will be coming home by 3.30 for a week.

 

[oldgirlnewtricks]

We live smack dab in the middle of our city, so my only concern is the traffic. 8 lanes of fast moving cars between us and the things like the library, small shopping mall, and movies.

He has a good amount of common sense (more than most adults, IMO), problem solves well, his friends are decent kids and I have no problem with them going out and about. I prefer they take a cell phone. Great technology for keeping in touch.

We have a good balance of activities, so it isn't like he has nothing else to do but roam day after day, but I really don't understand parents who don't allow their kids some freedom.

 

[Dar]

I have a 14 year old daughter... she's really basically free to go wherever she wants, either on the bus or walking or on her bike. We both have phones, and if plans change and I'm expecting her at a certain time she'll call, but more from common courtesy than because I make her do it. I expect that she keep her phone on and with her, except if I know she's in a class or at a show or something, but it's not uncommon for my calls to go to voicemail... she generally calls back as soon as she sees the missed call, but often she's just in a loud place and doesn't hear it. Sometimes that irks me a bit when I'm trying to arrange schedules, but not much, because sometimes I do the same. I do like her to check for missed calls if she has been somewhere loud, but it's not a big deal.

Last week, after dance class, Rain and some friends all wandered around downtown for a few hours on at least 3 days, but I was at a workshop on campus so I wasn't home anyway (she was going to walk or bus home) so she didn't call me, and that was fine. Maybe I am very "lenient", but I have no reason not to me... my daughter is very competent.

dar

 

[PancakeGoddess]

My son is 12.5 and just started roaming the town on bike with friends this summer. He can go wherever he wants ftmp, although we like him to call and just tell us when he leaves one place and goes to the next. We don't like him to just hang out downtown, there is a good amount of less-than-wholesome older teens and young adults who sit around down there, looking idle and sometimes high.

I don't know - I feel conflicted about it, because on the one hand - I really do want to start off with the assumption of trust. I DO trust him. On the other hand, I know how things go from innocent to bad-news, and sometimes it's just about being young and in close proximity to tempting danger. I'd rather he just not put himself in risky places at this age. He interprets that as not trusting him, which I understand. It's more that I don't trust his age and experience, but I do trust his intentions.

 

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

Ds is 13 and i want him to feel free to hang here at home..he knows his friends can come here and hang or watch movies..order a pizza..i like for him to feel comfortable here at home and i like him to want to be here with his friends..i want his friends to say lets go to your house and hang....so far he knows that he can feel comfortable here with his friends and he has never wanted to roam the streets...some times thier are so many kids here..i'm thinking do they even have homes..but hey at least he is here and i'm not worrying where he is.

 

[Strong Mama]

Quote:

Ds is 13 and i want him to feel free to hang here at home..he knows his friends can come here and hang or watch movies..order a pizza..i like for him to feel comfortable here at home and i like him to want to be here with his friends..i want his friends to say lets go to your house and hang....so far he knows that he can feel comfortable here with his friends and he has never wanted to roam the streets...some times thier are so many kids here..i'm thinking do they even have homes..but hey at least he is here and i'm not worrying where he is.

i cant wait to get to this point. we live with my elderly dad right now this is not an option, though sometimes a friend comes over. thanks for the replies!

 

[Marsupialmom]

I wish I could get my son to do that. It is amazing a how a child can be so responcible, dependable, and independant yet so affriad.

 

[PikkuMyy]

When I was 13, living in NYC, I was out and about on my own like Dar's daughter. Although we didn't have cell phones in those days.

I really think where you live plays a HUGE part in this. I could walk to many of my friends' houses or to places we wanted to hang out, or I could easily take the bus or subway as I did to go to school.

 

[hello26]

Back in my day, my parents had 1 car and my dad took it to work. This was typical in my area. Our parents were more than willing to let us bike anywhere and everywhere. My little brother who was born in '71 thinks his age group was the last generation to have freedom as kids.

I first let my then-15 y.o girl take public transportation into DC for an internship. Her commute was during rush hour so I figured it was safe. She went to and from our safe suburb to downtown.

Ironically, I didn't let the kids bike much from neighborhood to neighborhood mainly because of traffic. The subdivisions in our area were developed along the ideas of feeder roads so 2 properties may be back-to-back but you can't get from one to another without going on high-volume, fast MPH streets.