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Knowing everyone's circumstances are different....<br><br><br><i>In general</i>, how long would you advise someone to wait before dating/getting into another romantic relationship after separating/divorcing/breaking up?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
After the end of a serious long-term relationship, especially a marriage involving kids, I tend to think it's wise to refrain from dating/relationships for at least a month for every year you were together, or else a full year, whichever is longer.<br><br>
Basically, if you feel you <i>need</i> a partner, or are empty/incompletr/worth less without one, then it is probably still too soon.<br><br>
Just my opinion. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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What you've suggested is probably a good guideline. I usually say about a year.<br><br>
I know for me it was a few years before I felt ready and I really needed that time to figure things out and really find out who I am. It was hard. I used to bounce from one relationship to another and that NEVER worked. I am so glad I took the time to really heal and grow.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MaWhit</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">After the end of a serious long-term relationship, especially a marriage involving kids, I tend to think it's wise to refrain from dating/relationships for at least a month for every year you were together, or else a full year, whichever is longer.<br><br>
Basically, if you feel you <i>need</i> a partner, or are empty/incompletr/worth less without one, then it is probably still too soon.<br><br>
Just my opinion. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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I agree. Wholeheartedly.<br><br>
The only thing in my life that is "less" because I don't have a partner is my sex life... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Yeah, I say a year or longer - unless you're having Os in your sleep and then - um why would you want to date ?!
 

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depends on what you are looking for. if u want just a casual relationship then you dont need any time. i have a few friends who found bfs within a few months or weeks. they needed that kind of 'lightness' to get over their real messy, breakup. both parties though made it known all they want is a casual relationship.<br><br>
but if it is a serious relationship you want then yes ma whit i would say a general ballpark of a year plus however much you need. for me it has been 2 years. i am open to dating but i havent dated yet. but then i am not seeking it either. as it is i dont have that much time with my dd. and this time around i am going to be v. v. choooosy with whom i date. i am wierd and dont fit in the norm. and so my man has to be those things too. alas i feel i have become so choosy i might not find anyone. which is still ok with me.<br><br>
luckily i am at a point where i am happy with whom i am as a person. so another person will just be an addition. he would be like the red wine at my supper. i could do without the red wine just fine... but ahhh to have a good bottle would be just fine too.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>meemee</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">luckily i am at a point where i am happy with whom i am as a person. so another person will just be an addition. he would be like the red wine at my supper. i could do without the red wine just fine... but ahhh to have a good bottle would be just fine too.</div>
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I love that analogy!!!!!!!
 

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YES, meemee - that's exactly how I felt <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I'm not even considering dating and have absolutely no interest. I've never been married and have no desire to be married. I was in a 14 year relationship that went on about 13 years too long! and ended when I got pregnant (from someone else). Turns out we were both seeking comfort elsewhere - there's a clue things are bad! Anyway...I'm good being single because frankly, all these stories about bad breakups are something I'm willing to deal with. Besides, I don't want to take away any time I have with my daughter to date and get to know someone else who I'll probably just end up having to pick up after! (okay - that's a generalization) but my point is, I don't have the time or energy to put into a relationship. My daughter's father and I are still good friends and she gets a dose of a two parent family when she visits him (as he's married now), as well as quality time with a father who adores her. What could be better? It works for me! My secret though is that I really wish I could have another baby. Single and 40 years old works against that!
 

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Note..."bad break-ups are something I'm NOT willing to deal with!" I just reread my message. YIKES!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>meemee</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">luckily i am at a point where i am happy with whom i am as a person. so another person will just be an addition. he would be like the red wine at my supper. i could do without the red wine just fine... but ahhh to have a good bottle would be just fine too.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: You know I think the above is the perfect timeline. When<br>
you can look at a relationship to the addition to your life and not<br>
making your life "better" then your ready. The chances are greatly<br>
lowered that you will make excuses for a less than stellar mate.<br>
This is something that I want to teach my daughter, and I have to<br>
be an example to allow that happen.<br><br>
I feel this is one of the reasons I have been single so long. I didn't<br>
feel complete. I needed to find this in myself. I have come a long<br>
way but I still feel I need sometime to continue to learn this lesson.<br>
From age 15-25 (when dd was born) I was either in a relationship or<br>
looking for one. The past five years alone dating a little here and<br>
there has given me a lot of time to get to know myself. Know myself<br>
without outside influence.<br><br>
The next time I find myself in a relationship it will be so much more<br>
rewarding for the strength and wisdom I have learned about myself.
 

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Usually it only takes me a few weeks of being single before I'm being pursued. I've been trying to keep away from any emotional attachment. I'll get in a serious relationship when I feel I'm ready, and the right person comes along.<br><br>
Funny thing is, there are a few REALLY AWESOME men in my life right now that I've been hanging out with... but I'm avoiding anything serious. The timing is off for a serious relationship. If it's meant to be, it will develop into more in the future, when things settle down again, and I'm back on track.
 

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I like Dr. Joy Brown's one year rule. She says that you should not date until one year after your divorce is ruled to be final. This time should be used to find yourself and work through any issues. I didn't follow the rule, but I wish I had. It could have saved me a lot of emotional turmoil.
 

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Jillian, I'm with you. DD's dad and I started off casually, I had just ended my last relationship. I WISH I would have waited longer, done my healing, (really healing) and given myself some time instead of jumping from one to another.<br>
At that time I "wasn't looking for a relationship", but it ended up that way anyways.<br><br>
Now, I'm 23, and have been married twice. First one I was a couple of days shy of 19. He was going off to Iraq, and we got married. We lived as a married couple for 2 mo. before he left, didn't survive the deployment. Divorced as soon as he came back. I have a hard time reffering to that as a marriage.<br><br>
I was already dating DD's dad before my divorce was final, and well...look where that got me.<br><br>
Now, I'm just ok. Even if it's just me and my DD, in the long run.
 
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