[jillc512]

So my DH told his coworkers that we are considering HSing our kids, to which, of course, they replied that HS kids are "socially inept". Let's put aside the fact that together they all actually knew of maybe 3 HS families, and just look at the basic argument they're trying to make:<br><br>
HS kids are socially inept, which implies that they are different from PS kids who are NOT socially inept.<br><br>
Now, I have read research stating that HS kids are more often than not BETTER socialized than PS kids in almost every measurable way. However, it has been awhile since I've been around large groups of school-aged children. What would you say, based on personal experience (or research, if you have it), is the percentage of PS kids who are "socially inept"?

 

[oceanbaby]

Well, I'll skip over the part where I challenge what "socially inept" really means. (I mean, I live a few blocks away from a highschool, and when I walk by during lunch time, I witness groups of kids with their pants around the bottom of their asses swearing so much that I can't even figure out what the hell they're talking about. Seems socially inept to me, but I guess that's not what your dh's coworker is so ignorantly referring to.)<br><br>
I don't know about percentages, but think back to your own school days. I'm sure I'm not the only one who had total dorks in my class!<br><br>
But if you are looking for actual studies done on this, I know there have been some but I can't think of where to send you at this particular moment. Maybe someone else here has some links for you.

 

[SamuraiEarthMama]

If you are seriously going to homeschool, then you might as well get used to this kind of uninformed backhanded comment. Just let it roll off and forget it... it's not worth wasting your energy on.<br><br>
If a co-worker actually approached you with concern and wanted to know more, then yes, engage in a dialogue.<br><br>
Good luck!

 

[philomom]

I personally think this is one of those ideas folks just like to toss around. In the short time that I homeschooled, I did meet a handful of kids who could not or would not relate to others in a meaningful way.<br><br>
My kids are now both in public school where the same is now true. I do meet a few kids who for some reason or another have trouble relating to peers and grownups.<br><br>
I honestly think it depends more on the parents modeling and teaching good social behavior than anything else in the mix.

 

[3_opihi]

Does it matter? Why do they need to be compared? Apples to apples I say. It's not a competition and you know what's best for your kids. Just let it go, I say.

 

[Ruthla]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SamuraiEarthMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961840"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If you are seriously going to homeschool, then you might as well get used to this kind of uninformed backhanded comment. Just let it roll off and forget it... it's not worth wasting your energy on.<br><br>
If a co-worker actually approached you with concern and wanted to know more, then yes, engage in a dialogue.<br><br>
Good luck!</div>
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ITA. You can't win all the homeschooling arguments, and it's socially inept to try. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Just tell whoever asked "thank you for your concern, this is what's working for our family."

 

[laralou]

I am a product of ps and socially inept. In fact, I believe I would be much more socially adjusted had I not been bullied and picked on throughout school- my mom wishes now she homeschooled me, but it wasn't as popular then as it is now.<br><br>
But there is a really good social study on socialization of homeschoolers. I think I originally found it through HSLDA (which we belonged to when we traveled -5 different states in a year- because I was superparanoid about CPS then).<br><br>
Here's one article:<br><br><a href="http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000000/00000068.asp" target="_blank">http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000000/00000068.asp</a><br><br>
Ok, here is the study (I used to keep it printed up and in my purse to hand out to ignorant would-be debaters):<br><br><a href="http://www.hslda.org/research/ray2003/Socialization.asp" target="_blank">http://www.hslda.org/research/ray2003/Socialization.asp</a>

 

[2tadpoles]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oceanbaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961465"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, I'll skip over the part where I challenge what "socially inept" really means. (I mean, I live a few blocks away from a highschool, and when I walk by during lunch time, I witness groups of kids with their pants around the bottom of their asses swearing so much that I can't even figure out what the hell they're talking about. Seems socially inept to me, but I guess that's not what your dh's coworker is so ignorantly referring to.)</div>
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Exactly.<br><br>
It appears that kids who don't behave this way are the ones being labeled "socially inept."

 

[birthjunkie27]

I was public schooled and I am socially inept. If by socially inept you mean painfully shy, social anxiety, the only person who doesn't talk when in a group, the person who's always told to "be quiet, you talk too much" (jokingly of course), the person who's terrified to become involved in any sort of playgroup because I'd have to (gasp!) talk with other moms.<br><br>
Yeah....the whole public school= well socialized child is beyond me.

 

[Wilhemina]

I agree with SamuraiEarthMama (and others here), too. But wouldn't it be healthy for our culture if we <i>could</i> have a genuine discussion about the meaning of socially inept in reference to school-aged children. Just day dreaming.

 

[3_opihi]

I think most kids are probably socially inept in some form or another. Isn't that one of the defining characteristics of being a kid vs. an adult?<br><br>
Though there is my husband, who still thinks armpit farts are funny.<br><br>
Socially inept is a relative term. Everyone has differing ideas of what is socially acceptable and what isn't.

 

[shaykismama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>birthjunkie27</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7962322"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was public schooled and I am socially inept. If by socially inept you mean painfully shy, social anxiety, the only person who doesn't talk when in a group, the person who's always told to "be quiet, you talk too much" (jokingly of course), the person who's terrified to become involved in any sort of playgroup because I'd have to (gasp!) talk with other moms.<br><br>
Yeah....the whole public school= well socialized child is beyond me.</div>
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Did I write this under a different user name?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Seriously, this is me exactly. And that dang joke got old fast.

 

[jillc512]

You all are so wise! Oceanbaby, like you, I wanted their definition of inept, and I wanted to know what age they were talking about -- inept as children or adults? (Of course, these questions aren't really relevant when you are talking about a sample size of three...) If their definition is "doesn't act like other kids his age", that could be a good thing in many, many situations!<br><br>
I have just been sort of taken aback at what strong opinions people have about what we do with our own kids. I guess I need to prepare myself..<br><br>
Also, DH is not totally on board with HS (yet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> ), and it drives me crazy when he tells people we're thinking about HS when I'm not there. Laralou, I'll have to take your idea and arm him with some literature to hand out. This will accomplish two things: 1) others will not be able to get away with stupid 'socialization' arguments and 2) if we do ultimately decide to HS, it will not look like I 'made' DH do it (this is probably important to me because I care too much what other people think because I went to public school <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: ).<br><br>
Or, I could let it go <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">

 

[elizam]

I can't think of more than 2 or 3 PS kids or teens that will even acknowledge an adult if they don't have to. Even the "good, smart" kids tend to act socially inept around adults in our experience. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:

 

[Brigianna]

I was in public and private schools; I'm socially inept. What's wrong with being socially inept, anyway? I think being social, or not, has more to do with innate personality than with upbringing or school vs. homeschool.

 

[onlyzombiecat]

<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_skills" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_skills</a><br><a href="http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/social_skills.html" target="_blank">http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/social_skills.html</a><br><br>
Looking at the key social skills lists I don't feel that many kids I know- regardless of schooling situation- could be considered socially polished yet. From my experience after the ps kids we know started school they seemed to have a more difficult time relating socially outside their own age group.

 

[QueenOfThePride]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oceanbaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961465"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">when I walk by during lunch time, I witness groups of kids with their pants around the bottom of their asses swearing so much that I can't even figure out what the hell they're talking about.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> Oh, the irony.<br><br>
But to stay on topic - All children are socialized. They are either socialized by their equally clueless peers at school, or they experience guided socialization by you and the people you choose to put in their life.

 

[QueenOfThePride]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>birthjunkie27</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7962322"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was public schooled and I am socially inept. If by socially inept you mean painfully shy, social anxiety, the only person who doesn't talk when in a group, the person who's always told to "be quiet, you talk too much" (jokingly of course), the person who's terrified to become involved in any sort of playgroup because I'd have to (gasp!) talk with other moms.<br><br>
Yeah....the whole public school= well socialized child is beyond me.</div>
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Are you ME? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">

 

[TEAK's Mom]

jillc512, it was actually a conversation about homeschooling with co-workers where I was not present that solidified my dh's support for homeschooling. Someone said to him, "what makes you think YOU'RE qualified," and suddenly, his perspective shifted. It's as if he owned the concept once he defended it.<br><br>
Oh, and I'm another socially inept product of public school.

 

[FreeThinkinMama]

I only know one homeschooled family with 4 kids, my cousins. They're all grown up now and travel the world going to places like australia, china, hawaii, canada, rome etc. They have tons of friends and went to prestigious colleges after homeschooling k-12, with the exception of the youngest who went to a charter school in middle school.<br><br>
On the other hand, I went to public schools all my life and I tend to be a loner. I don't have any friends in real life, just aquintences. Although I made friends in school, inevitably I would move away or they would and we lost touch. I'm don't like to leave my comfort zone, the same city I've lived in for the past 13 years. Forget about leaving the country, I have a hard time leaving the state.<br><br>
Finally, someone posted a great article in another thread that had a wonderful argument for the socialization bit that ps'ers throw in hs'ers faces all the time. In public school, kids are discouraged from socializing all the time. If they get caught passing notes or talking during class they get punished for it. The only time they're allowed to socialize is during recess and that is a short period, with the majority of the day spent on learning, not making friends. Tell your dh's coworkers to put that in their pipe and smoke it.