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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Lately, when I ask dd to do something, her response is a flat out "No" or an "I don't want to." This doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it drives me crazy, especially when it involves things like putting on a coat or shoes, or even leaving at a designated time. It happened again tonight for bathtime. We talked about the plan for the evening...dinner, quick shower, read 2 books, snuggle, bed. When dinner was over and it was time to take a shower, dd stripped naked and ran around the house. Ok, no problem. I let her as I got the pj's and towel ready. I gave her a time warning, informing her that shortly it will be time to jump in the shower. When that time came, she simply told me "No" and continued to run! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
when this happens, I usually will either give her a choice, such as "You can put on your coat or I can help you" or I will give her a consequence, such as "when you put on your coat, we can go to the park." However, sometimes, I just want her to DO IT, without playing games or wasting time with choices. KWIM? I've found myself, in the spur of the moment, saying things like, "When you can't take a shower on time, I can't read you a book tonight." I know this is totally not a natural consequence, but when the other choices fail, I feel I have to resort to something more drastic. I usually do this after she has said No to my directive about 2-3x.<br><br>
So, how many times do you think it is acceptable to hear "No" from your dc before you take action??<br><br>
FYI, my dd will be 3 in January.<br><br>
Libby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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I usually phrase the choices like this: "Either you walk into the shower like a big kid, or I will pick you up and put you in the shower. If you don't walk to the shower, you're choosing to be carried."
 

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I tell ds that if he doesn't go to the bathroom and get into the tub there will be no time for stories. We have actually followed through on it a couple of times. After the bath there is flossing, brushing, putting in cream for excema then stories, usually 2 short ones. He needs to wiggle between each step, no problem, but if it goes on too long then I remind him about stories.<br><br>
I know some 3 year olds can put on clothes but my 4 year old son is just now dressing himself. You might just put the shoes and coat on her while you tell her where you are going and all the fun you'll have. I know it can be very tiresome!!! Ds only figured out his sandals this morning...<br><br>
I would ignore the "no" for as long as you can. Try to change it so the answer is not "yes" or "no", something open ended like, "What story would you like to hear after your shower tonight?"<br><br>
Hang in there, you are being very gentle and she'll learn that from you too! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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In NVC (Nonviolent Communication) we talk about hearing the "yes" in the no. When your kid says no, what is she saying yes to? Autonomy? A need for fun.. Here's an article:<br><br><a href="http://www.cnvc.org/hearyes.htm" target="_blank">http://www.cnvc.org/hearyes.htm</a>
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the replies. Pamelamama, I appreciate the article. It really puts a lot of things in perspective as far as how to handle certain situations with toddlers. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 
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