How much details about finances do you give to a 5 and 3 year old???

babygrant · 2008-12-08

My kids are 3 and 5. DH and I had a rough year. He lost his job, then a few months later I lost mine. DH is now moved about 15 hours away and working....but those months with only me working set us really behind. We struggle to provide food for the kids, but we seem to just squeek by every paycheck. So my 5 year old came home from school the other day telling me that the teacher asked every child to bring a bag of canned goods to school to "help the poor people who can't afford to eat". I told him I would look into it. But really.....we can't afford to help feed anyone else when we can barely afford to buy food for ourselves. I want him to enjoy being a child and not have the stresses that an adult does...so I don't tell him much about our family finances....but when he asks me over and over and over what kind of food he can bring to the school and what kind of brand new toys he can buy and donate to the firefighter toy drive....it sucks. We hope to be in a better financial situation next christmas when we have moved up with DH and I can work casual when DH is off work, so next year we will be able to donate to the toy drive, food bank, mdc hh, etc etc.

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Sasharna

· #2 · Dec 8, 2008

I think it depends on whether or not you'd be embarrassed by him repeating the truth at school. I'd tell my kid that his teacher meant that families should participate if they have extra cans of food or extra money to buy some... and we don't have those things right now. I'd probably call the teacher and let him know about the situation so that my child wasn't questioned further about his inability to participate in the food and toy drives.

But I know a lot of people would be ashamed to let others know of their financial state and I'm a little unusual in my frankness about it... so that approach may not work for you.

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sarah_bella1050

· #3 · Dec 8, 2008

I'm having this issue with my 4 year old and I WISH it was about her wanting to give to others. Instead she wants everything, she can't understand why she doesn't get new clothes or new toys or why her new blanket on her bed to keep he warm isn't a "princess" blanket. We have plenty of food, we are relatively warm (by our standards) and we aren't in debt (well only a smidge that will be paid off soon). How do I explain this to her? She wants to know why her nana's kids (her aunts and uncles) get new toys and her friends get this and that and she doesn't.

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Alyantavid

· #4 · Dec 8, 2008

I have a 6 and 2 year old. I don't tell the 2 year old anything obviously. My 6 year old, I do tell him the truth. I'll tell him we just can't afford something. While I do want him to not think about money issues, he can't have everything and I try very hard not to lie to him about anything.

As far as the food drive, my son's got that going on his class too and I plan to pick up a few cans of something that won't cost a ton and will still help out.

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One_Girl

· #5 · Dec 8, 2008

I tell dd when we can't afford something if she asks for something we can't afford at the store. Recently she asked about money and if we were poor and I told her that we don't have a lot of money but we have a lot of love and together time. She was fine with that. I don't go into detail about what we are missing out on and I try to focus on what we can do and afford and not give dd the idea that it is a bad thing to be poor.

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Jessy1019

· #6 · Dec 9, 2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sasharna

I think it depends on whether or not you'd be embarrassed by him repeating the truth at school. I'd tell my kid that his teacher meant that families should participate if they have extra cans of food or extra money to buy some... and we don't have those things right now. I'd probably call the teacher and let him know about the situation so that my child wasn't questioned further about his inability to participate in the food and toy drives.

But I know a lot of people would be ashamed to let others know of their financial state and I'm a little unusual in my frankness about it... so that approach may not work for you.

Same here. I am very open about things, and wouldn't care if my child told people we were poor, if we were.

However, as far as the food drive and his desire to buy toys to donate go, does he have a piggy bank? With $2 or so, he could get a couple of cans to bring to school . . . with a little more, he could buy a small toy to donate. Then he could really feel good about the fact that he was the one making the donation.

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LynnS6

· #7 · Dec 9, 2008

First, I'd call the teacher to make sure that she knows that not everyone is able to participate. At our school (where most of the kids are getting free lunch), these things are always phrased as "if you can".

Do you have a single can of food you can donate? that might be enough for your ds to feel like he's participating, and not break the bank.

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mommy68

· #8 · Dec 9, 2008

2

I probably would have sent one canned item with my child just to make them not feel left out.

But I have always talked to my kids about money at the appropriate age level. My youngest right now is 6 and she understands when I go to the store with her that if I say I can't afford something she wants then I can't afford it. I tell her I have only enough money for the things on my list and she understands. I usually have .25-.50 cents to give her for the machines at the front of the store though and that makes her happy.

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babygrant

Discussion Starter · #9 · Dec 9, 2008

The food bank donations and toy drive haven't happened yet so DS hasn't missed out on anything.

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Surfacing

· #10 · Dec 9, 2008

Dd1 will hear dh and I discussing our budget or whether we have enough to make a big grocery shopping today or just a small one. She will ask for treats and I will tell her when I don't have extra money for those things. Sometimes I will hear her say, "We don't have any money" but I correct her and say, "That's not true, we have enough for our home and to eat and be warm and have clothes, we just don't have money for extras."

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Gunter

· #11 · Dec 9, 2008

also, even if you can afford expensive toys, would you want to? there are things that i tell our kids, "that's too expensive for us." or "i don't want to spend our money on that." even if we have less resources, it still teaches them to be wise with what we do have.

i am a social worker and once worked at a place that had a food pantry. we often had people that would come there to get food and they were donors, too. sometimes i wondered if it was b/c they were generous, didn't like what they got or why? but usually they were very generous people in other ways...like bringing their friends with them, asking how my education was going, etc... so i assumed it was often b/c they just wanted to give back.

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eccomama

· #12 · Dec 9, 2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I tell dd when we can't afford something if she asks for something we can't afford at the store. Recently she asked about money and if we were poor and I told her that we don't have a lot of money but we have a lot of love and together time. She was fine with that. I don't go into detail about what we are missing out on and I try to focus on what we can do and afford and not give dd the idea that it is a bad thing to be poor.

that's me. dd at 4.5 yrs knows that things cost money. if she wants a specific food item i tell her next paycheck and she's fine with it. she realizes when money is tight when the fridge is almost empty. i also talk to her about paying rent, tuition, etc so she realizes that everything costs money. i leave details out but just try to build awareness. toys we put on a wish list for Christmas but of course she gets 1-2 things. i focus on what Christmas is about vs gifts.
all the can and toy drives, we get really cheap items or clean the cupboards. for toys we went to a discount store and picked out one item.
and if she repeats at school that we're short on food or are poor or whatever i frankly don't care. i'm a single mom trying to make ends meet. there's no shame in that.

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