[Kincaid]

My question is for the moms who have BTDT and now have the benefit of hindsight. How much time during the day did you spend "playing with" or "teaching" your crawling/toddling child? If baby was on the rug with a set of blocks, were you there beside "playing" and talking and pointing things out? By "playing" I mean direct, engaged interaction and dialogue. How much time would you guess per day?

If you spent varying amounts of time on your chidren (less time as you had more children!), could you tell differences from it immediately and as they grew older?

I appreciate your thoughts on this!

 

[USAmma]

I think a combination of both is best. You don't have all day to spend playing with the baby, and if you did that's not necessarily a good thing. The baby needs to learn how to play by himself, too. Most babies will ask for attention when they want it and parents should respond by playing with them or even talking to them across the room if you can't go right at that moment to play.

I can't even tell you how much I actually get down on the ground and play or take her into my lap and sing a song or read her a book. It's little moments here and there. Her attention is not that great yet, so maybe 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there. I have an older child and housework so it's not like I devote my entire day to it. I'm there when they need me and that's most important.

I am a big believer in exposing a baby to lots of talking at a very young age. When Abi was a newborn I would have her in the sling, or in the "baby bucket" on the kitchen counter if I was cooking, and just talk to her about whatever I was doing. Talk and talk and talk. And then pause and wait for her to vocalize and then talk back.

Both my kids were very early talkers and early with most motor skills, but I'm not sure it was anything I did. I might have helped encourage it but each child has their own schedule that's hard-wired into them.

Since you mention that your ds has some delays, is he in therapy right now? A therapist can answer a lot of your questions. Your situation may be different than a typical developing child. Maybe you would need to help him move his body or put him in positions that would challenge his developmental abilities.

 

[Kincaid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by USAmma Since you mention that your ds has some delays, is he in therapy right now? A therapist can answer a lot of your questions. Your situation may be different than a typical developing child. Maybe you would need to help him move his body or put him in positions that would challenge his developmental abilities.

He's in therapy with an OT and a speech path (he is having similar feeding issues as Nitara experienced, both from reflux as well as dysphagia and oral aversion from NICU tubes). We are very intense on therapy and enriching him in that way. If anything, we are overly involved - leading to our discussion this morning wondering if backing off and allowing independent play, which he seems to enjoy more than us pushing him, would be a better approach.

But, development issues aside - I am curious about how much "mommy time" and mom's play patterns with DC influence them in discernable ways. Those with more than one kid, did the subsequent children who had less one-on-one play/"teaching" time show any differences as they got older? Were there differences in attention span, ability to play independently, intelligence, etc.?

 

[USAmma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kincaid But, development issues aside - I am curious about how much "mommy time" and mom's play patterns with DC influence them in discernable ways. Those with more than one kid, did the subsequent children who had less one-on-one play/"teaching" time show any differences as they got older? Were there differences in attention span, ability to play independently, intelligence, etc.?

I can only answer for my family. Abi got way more attention than Nitara gets. I mean, I talk to her alot while I"m working but I don't have time to read to her the way I read to Abi, or go with her interest to learn letters and shapes at an early age. And yet she is still ahead in intellectual development and the therapist said some of her language skills are that of about a 24 month old. She can hold a pen and doodle, she can walk down shallow stairs one foot at a time without holding on to anything, she climbs everything, tries to put shoes on, etc.

In other ways she's not at the same level as Abi because I don't spend that much time with her in certain areas. For example puzzles and blocks. I don't even know if she can stack blocks like they are supposed to at this age because I have never sat down to work with her on that (I should, one of these days). She just learned how to put pieces back in her wooden puzzle last week. I don't have it out often enough for her to get a lot of practice. I'm sure that by the time she's 2 she will still be able to stack blocks like other 2 year olds even if we don't do daily practice.

Socially she is way ahead compared to Abi at the same age. She has a big sister to watch and copy. She has learned to wait her turn, to share my lap, to listen and watch my conversations with Abi. So even though I don't work with her as much as I did with Abi on concrete skills, she is ahead in other areas that Abi never had a chance to develop until much later. Nitara also watches her big sister and that's how she became interested in scribbling, climbing things, pushing the toy shopping cart around, bouncing and throwing a ball, and jumping on the small trampoline we have in the house. Abi doesn't work with Nitara either, but she naturally wants to copy her big sister.

I would say that overall there has been no difference in their development. They are individuals and each have their own strengths and weaknesses but they are at about the same developmental abilities. One I worked with a lot, the other not so much but she's an active part of our family.

 

[Kincaid]

Great response! Thanks for the perspective of someone with sibs.

I was reading a Michael Olaff (sp?) site earlier today - describing Montessori for ages 0-3 - and he says kids should learn motor skills and make their own learning discoveries on their own at their own pace. This really got me thinking about what people have experienced.

 

[Stevie]

Good question! With my oldest (he's 28 now) my mom had him for weeks at a time till he was about a year old, and i don't remember being one on one with him. he was pretty self entertaining and i was a fair to middling mother

he was reading at 4 and in jr high tested off the charts in every area except math, where he was at grade level.

my 5 yr old got alot of my individual attention as a toddler. She's just now beginning to read, and is very self entertaining.

Her baby brother has a doting big sister but does have hours of alone play each day as well. he's making up songs...

i think i'm a lazy mom, but my kids sure do learn to take care of themselves early on :LOL

 

[Dechen]

I spend a lot of time playing with and "teaching" my 20 month old. She has always needed a lot of attention, and is not big on playing by herself. The older she gets, the more she is happy amusing herself, but in general she wants to interact and talk about things. I talk to her about what she seems interested in, and she tells me about her world using what words she has.

I take my cues from her - if she seems happy doing what she's doing, I stay out of it. Most of the time, she wants me to engage.

 

[mamaduck]

I can echo what Usamma says about her kids, except to say that my older child spent/spends a lot of time on the floor engaging his little brother. And he seems to mimic my "style" with babies/young ones.

I have always felt a twinge of guilt though, when it comes to playing with my kids/babies. I'm must more likely to sling them and carry them while I cook, clean and garden. And from the time they could grasp an object they were "helping" me with my chores. Sweeping, stirring, mopping, digging.... My boys work hard! I'm glad there are two of them because the imaginitive play occurs more between them. I just can't quite locate my inner child.