Mothering Forum banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,131 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This seems like one of the ways people can get too wrapped up in TTC and it overwhelms everything else, the idea that if you put enough energy into it, it will be more likely to happen. The problem with that, too often is that it sets us up for disappointment if it doesn't happen, and sometimes I wonder if it's worth the energy of intention. But to some degree, it has to be, doesn't it? Because there are so many examples of the power of positive thought...

I'm a budding buddhist, trying to make sense of, and find balance in spite of, the energy I put into conceiving. Because if you put too much energy into wanting something, you create your own suffering. But to some degree you should put your mind to it...right??

It doesn't make sense to me that there are so many women who want to become pregnant who wait months for it to happen, or who wait years before getting lucky with the help of a doctor, and then there are those who it happens for by surprise or even when they don't want it to happen.

And then...whatever you believe about how your babies get sent to you, by the stork, God chooses you, your baby chooses you, etc., how is that compatible with the mind/body connection?

I'm swimming too deeply in thoughts today, but we're snowed in and I wonder if others are, too, and are up for a chat on something deeper than watching temps. (not that there's anything wrong with that)


(some energy work, since I brought it up)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,309 Posts
I have been Buddhist for a long time. I found out I was pg with ds on the day I left for a two monthy vajrayana retreat, so I had plenty of time to contemplate.

I do beleive that there is something to intention, for sure. But I think the power of intention is 100% related to how present we are in our daily lives. I think to roll those thoughts around in your head are crazy making, as you are always second guessing yourself.

If I stay present, meditate as practice for staying in the present in daily life, then the reality of what really is, is more clear to me. Instead of grasping after things, I can see what is there, and create intentions that I know are coming from the core of me, rather than just from thoughts and fatasies.

During those two months I could not stop thinking about the baby I was going to have-what I was going to do as a mother, who he would be, how I would do everything. Finally, one night laying in my tent, I realized that the only really important thing I could do for him was to be present myself. Everything else follows after that. I could think all I wanted, and it would just make me more confused. But actually being here is what would produce good actions AND would help him retain that hereness that is so evident in little people.

As far as pregnancy, I drove myself batting trying for a few weeks this time. But, everything inside me has wanted this baby for a very long time, so when I stepped below my thoughts, I could see that that is what I wanted. And now I am pg. But I think it is too crazy making to think that our thoughts or intentions or wants or needs can make us get or not get pregnant. I think the most important thing is to be present.

Long winded, but I hth!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,336 Posts
I truly believe that God, or whatever higher power(s) that be choose the child for you. My DD was obviously sent to us IMO. For us, she is a fit with our family and how my DH and I are. Now is that nature vs. nurture? I definitely think it is a bit of both, but when I was pg I *knew* she would be the way she is today, I swear I could feel her chi and she told me many times what type of kid she would be.

Last month was our first month of TTC another child and I found myself with intentions that were not exactly in tune with my beliefs. My friend told me it could take "forever" and I found myself wanting so badly to just prove her wrong-that is not the right reason for us to TTC a new life. After a BFN-I realized my actions weren't exactly in mesh with my reasons for having another child. Now this month I am in a different mind set believing that if we are supposed to add to our family that little spirit is out there and waiting for us to give the green light and welcome it. I swear DD was hanging around us for years waiting for me to get myself in a state where I could handle being a mom, and to get DH to believe I had matured enough to cross that bridge(it basically took an ultimatum). When it all came down though she joined us and has been everything we could have imagined and more, she really has completed the bond with me and DH, we truly are one now because we have this child who is a part of both of us. Now I hope that we can make another beautiful child to complete our family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,139 Posts
Hi MrsTC--I'm glad you posted this because I've been wishing for a thread like this.

I spent several years practicing Buddhist meditation and thinking, and it definitely influenced how I think about life and even TTC. I guess I think of the mind-body connection as being something that exists but the mind is not just our thoughts--it is our perception and sense experience, which are not necessarily controlled directly our "thoughts."

There is a popular idea that "we create our own reality," that our illnesses are mainly caused, for example, by "negative" thinking, or that wealth is caused by positive thinking. I don't believe that as individuals, we cause everything that happens and that by thinking the right thoughts, we alone will force good things to happen. I think a more accurate reading of the way things work is that we choose how we respond to what is, and that response is what creates our experience of reality here and now, and also sets the stage for a more pleasant future through our external and internal choices (and not necessarily--but possibly--in a supernatural sense, but that distinction doesn't seem important to me.)

Taking the middle road between apathy and passion, by wanting and inviting but not obsessing or closing down, is a goal for me in life and in TTC. There is no doubt in my mind that stress caused by apathy or passion harms my body and contributes in some way to my ability to conceive, but there are many other factors at work, and I'm not in control.

I was thinking yesterday of a Pema Chodron (Buddhist nun) essay in her book Start Where You Are in which she describes the way to happiness (or liberation) as "Give up hope" in your desired end result, which is a pretty gloomy thought on the surface. Then she says you could shorten it to just "Give up" and shorten it even more to "Give." Instead of thinking of gathering up all your personal energy for your inidividual desired purpose, she is saying that by focusing on the energy of giving, we are overcoming the feeling of need and deserving and greed, and we are actually helping ourselves. As opposed to focusing all my energy on getting pregnant, I think a spirit of graciousness is really helpful in the TTC journey, not allowing my energy of desire to burn out my creative abilities.

Wow, I could keep writing about all my thoughts on this, but I don't want to bore you. Thanks again for bringing this up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
I think that our family chose each other in the life before this. I think free will still operates so people's choices can prevent a child coming into their family - and the child will go elsewhere where it will have a great life and it's own good choices to make.

I knew the timing for my second child - now was the time, and with no delay. And she was conceived within 2 months. Her dad became very ill within months after that and no more children were possible. So if I had not listened to that directive - I'd not have Sarah.

I've remarried and conceived a child after primary, and secondary infertility, spontaneously with my new husband. That was #3 for me, and added to the two he also had with his first wife which we raise. I knew there 2 children waiting for me, I just had that clear impression one day while washing dishes. I knew that I couldn't have them with my first husband - so I pondered this and the thought came that I'd have a new husband some day. That gives one hope while grieving.

A couple of years later, I meet husband with two children already. Great guy, loves kids, passionate about me. All good. Boom, go from family of 3 to family of six, and then a BFP. Wow. I felt like this child, Emma, was destined for our family to have arrived so quickly and easily. Remember I felt like I had two more children? Well they could have been step children, but I think they are from new hubby and I. So I feel like we need to pursue this second child together.

If it's meant to be, then after all we can do, it will be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,612 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Spring Sun View Post
If I stay present, meditate as practice for staying in the present in daily life, then the reality of what really is, is more clear to me. Instead of grasping after things, I can see what is there, and create intentions that I know are coming from the core of me, rather than just from thoughts and fatasies.
I love this.
I have found that for "budding buddists" you have to prune your intentions. Where you have this HUGE tree of ideas thoughts and feelings. You have to sit down with your tree and thoughtfully prune away the useless, nagging and undesirable limbs (thoughts) to reveal the truth. Your perfect tree. Sometimes some of us are given a forest of thoughts and we first have to find the right tree!

I'm not buddist, but I had a year of TTC and I know it can really get in your head.

I know that TTCers hate to hear this, but it will happen for you.
:
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top