How much do you HOLD baby?

My DD was like yours in the beginning. She wouldn't sleep unless she was in arms and she was in arms 24/7... pretty much except for diaper changes! As she's gotten a bit older she doesn't need to be held as much but still needs to be near, so I can put her down on a playmat for a few minutes of playtime in the gymini or tummy time but I need to stay close or she'll get upset. When I need my arms free, she'll hang out in the bouncy seat, but again it needs to be nearby... meaning she sometimes has to sit in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with me! Kind of embarrassing but hey, maybe it will help her develop good potty habits.

I think the big change for her has been developing strength in her neck and back. Now that she can turn her head and look around at the world, and hold her head up when on her tummy, she's more interested in checking things out and feels more confident when she's not being held. She's also starting to sleep on her own if I nurse her down for naps in the family bed.

I hold my DS when he wants me to. (He is 4 1/2 months). He spends a portion of his day (sometimes 15-20 minutes at a time) amusing himself on the floor, bed, swing etc. He laughs and kicks his feet, rolls over, chews on things and talks to me. He actually squirms and fusses to be let down sometimes. He is usually with me in the room while he is playing on the floor. (The exception is the garden, where he stays in the shade under the apple tree while I pull weeds) He likes to be talked to while he plays, so I keep up a running chatter. He also tells me quite clearly when he is done playing and needs to be held, so I hold him.

When he was younger I held him much more than I do now..he needed more constant contact, then. He also didn't have the tools to amuse himself (eating his feet etc.). Even then, though, I let him nap by himself (or I took a nap beside him) and he rarely needed to sleep on me...but he is a pretty independent guy now. I love it when he falls asleep and stays asleep well enough to sleep on me...usually if I don't lay him down, he wakes back up in 5 minutes.

I feel lucky, though (given my own personality and temperment) that he enjoys squirming time. I have friends with babies who need to be held almost constantly and are not happy playing and being talked to, they need more contact. I don't think either one is better, just different babies and different mamas.

Don't beat yourself up. You need physical space from your baby sometimes and your baby needs physical space from you. Your baby will tell you how much...listen to him, IMO. If he is unhappy, hold him. Like a previous poster said "If the baby is happy...I'm happy" AP is about listening to your baby and the baby's cues...not just the physical act of holding/slinging your baby.

It sounds like you are a great mom and your baby is a lucky lucky little bug!

hey, anothermama, i was gonna post this question today...

when ds #1 was born, i pretty much held him 90% of the day, or dh would. he wouldn't take naps in his bassinet or anywhere else.
now ds#2 is 2 weeks old and i put him down for naps, and when he's awake he spends maybe 5 mins here or there in his bouncer or another safe place. to me ap means responding to your baby when he needs you. i don't really see anything wrong with letting my baby nap without me. if he doesn't wanna be put down, i hold him. when he wakes up, i get him right away. should i feel guilty?

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I don't think you should feel guilty. I posted that I do feel guilty, but I think I shouldn't (I still do, though) if baby is entertained then that is more important to me. We need to take breaks even if they are doing anything else other than holding baby (doing dishes, folding laundry, cleaning house, wow, what a break!) but I think if you don't feel guilty that is great. you shouldn't feel bad and I agree AP doesn't mean holding baby 100% of the time. I think AP is more doing what feels natural to you & baby.

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I spent 5 weeks in Kenya a few summers ago, staying in several towns with relatives of a friend of mine. I guess you could consider their culture "ap" because it would be silly when there are no paved streets to have things like strollers, and all of the baby-holding crap we use (me included) just wouldn't make sense there. (When you live in a 2-room house, where would you put it all?) Moms tie their babies on their backs with a large piece of cloth and haul them to the market and everywhere. That being said, I saw moms put their kids down- on the couch, or the bed, if they needed to.

As for me, I'm discovering that sometimes my 2.5 week old actually gets overstimulated from being held all day. This week, I've noticed that, if he's crying when I put him in the basinette for a second (so I can clean his diaper in the toilet and wash my hands) he actually calms down and is MORE content. I pick him up immediately if he starts to make anxious motions or noises, but I think perhaps some babies actually need a little bit of space every now and then, as long as they know they'll be held when they want to be. We cosleep, but he naps either in a sling or in his basinette- a little of both usually.

I have NO judgements at all. But, I pretty much held my kids 24/7 for at least a few months. Not always by choice
I think it all got easier once they could sit up by themselves. Seems like 3 mos was easier and then at 4 mos. they both liked the saucer and jumper. A lot. :

I agree with whats been posted. You shouldnt feel guilty. If they baby is happy, then its all good. I will let Els play in her crib under her mobile while I fold laundry in her room, and she likes it just fine. In fact, thats pretty much the only time shes in there If she gets fussy, I go get her up. If shes not fussy, I take advantage and run take a shower!

AP is a guideline and not hard and fast rules of behaviour. Go with your instinct!

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What she said! ITA with jessemoon's entire post. IMHO she hit it right on the head. Thanks jessemoon for saving me all that typing!
I held my ds all the time when he was newborn. As he got older I started giving him a little play time. Now that ds is 11 mos - he can sit at least twice a day - with me in the same room - and play for at least 30 minutes, sometimes even quite awhile longer. AND he's completely happy, interacting with me, banging toys, showing me new things, etc. I can make dinner, take a shower or clean! Woo Hooo! I cleaned out a lower kitch cabinet and put toys in there and he'll sit while I cook.

I know about the guilt thing. Not sure what others say, but I think it just goes along with the mothering territory. It's really ok, I think, to put your baby down if he seems happy!

I think it's all about listening to a baby's cues more than the amt. that you hold them.

My oldest dd is/was high needs and I carried her a LOT and would lie down with her to nap and she slept in our bed.

My youngest has major reflux problems and has to be sitting in a reclined position for 30 min. after feeding. So she spends a lot of time in her bouncy seat and swing. I carry the bouncy seat around the house with me and talk to her and she can see what I'm doing.

If you saw our house you'd think I was totally anti-babyholding! lol! I have an excersaucer, bouncy seat, swing, and jonny jump-up. Each is in a place where I can set her for a few minutes while I work. For example I find it impossible to get clothes out of our washer when wearing the baby, so she goes in the jump up for 5-10 min. I also use it when I'm folding clothes in the laundry room. The exersaucer is either for when I am taking a shower or when I am removing food from the oven or draining pasta, that sort of thing. I drag it around as needed. The swing is where she naps during the day so I can keep an eye on her while I work.

And believe it or not she likes her cosleeper and we just bought a used crib for her. Sometimes I rock her and she gets all squirmy and wants to be put in her crib so she can go to sleep. Dream baby! My oldest was and is a lot different. Both my babies get carried a lot though. I used my sling to carry my 3.5 yo last weekend when her legs got tired when we were out running errands. (My SIL was holding the baby for me in her arms.)

Like I said, it's all about listening to cues.

Darshani

Congratulations on the birth of your son! oh im so happy for u!

so happy so happy, one of each.. laa laa laa so happy.

OK

well my second son was rather large.. and well at birth he had been 11 ish and well, i felt very guilty about not holding him. id think geese he is always in the swing or well, in the swing..:LOL but, that made him happy ..

and that would make me happy and now after having two i just cant help to just want to go with the flow... he is so heavy now and i still dont hold him nearly as much as i did #1, but 1 was 1 and now there are two .. more the marrier!

he is much more content now, 7 mos old and can sit roll ect... its the nursing i guess that in my mind makes up for the oh crap got ta put ya down your bro is in the fridge or eating the dog food or in my make-up!

sending lots of love! and take it easy relax.. he is with you forever and you will always be able to hold him...



so happy....

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11'ish?