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Just curious <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
Ex and I haven't been together in almost 2 years but there are still times I start thinking about "what if". I have been driving myself nuts lately going over everything in my head and wondering what would have happened if I would have tried harder, if I wouldn't have left so quickly, etc etc. I've pretty much gone over every scenario possible in my head. I've noticed that whenever I go through a big change these thoughts start. Last time it was because I was starting school last spring (something ex prevented me from doing before). Now that I'm less than 2 weeks away from moving out.... alone with DS.... these thoughts are coming back. I've never lived alone before (only with my parents and, for a brief time, with my ex).<br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
And, ahem..... I had one dream last week and.... well.... it's not something I should be dreaming about! LOL! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> :LOL<br><br><br><br><br>
Please tell me I'm not a freak! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I think it is normal to wonder, especially when you go through a big life transition. It sounds like you are better off on your own because your ex was not a very good partner or father. I would wait for the moment to pass and kee moving ahead.
 

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I agree.<br>
Major life changes bring about all sorts of doubt & questions in our minds.<br>
I find I often have those kinds of dreams about the last person I was with....I don't think it means anything except that it's now been a LONG time since I've....well.....you know! :LOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Phew, good to know I'm not a freak. Or if I am- I'm not alone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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OK Me, NEVER. But I facilitated the break up, not him. Actually, I physically removed his things from my house for him. I was nice enough to drop them off at his mom's house..... Well, I have dreams AND I sometimes catch myself right before I call DP by ex's name <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"> ! But that's just habit. I sincerely do not have any "what-ifs" because I am very happy without him.....<br><br>
Are you dating again? Maybe it's just time for you to have affection for another man, and you can finally let go of your ex? Remind yourself why you aren't together (isn't it the best for your ds?) It is better for my dd to be away from her dad while he is maturing (still working on it...) that's why I left in the first place and I know it was the right choice.<br><br>
ps: I see where he is today (3 years later) and it reaffirms my decision. When we were together he was a bum and not a good provider (I was). He is the same today! 3 years and no improvement! Makes me real happy I didn't wait around for something that would never happen <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I think about my ex all the time. Of course, my situation was a little different in that there was really no animosity with our divorce. In fact, I still loved him when I filed...and I still have fond feelings for him today. I don't hate him or dislike him or think he's an awful person. He was actually a really great dad and husband who got sick...and I did what I did to give my kids (okay, and myself) some stability. I think about him a lot. I wonder how he's doing and if he's okay. He's in a different country, and b/c of his illness, he never even tries to contact us, so I just have to wonder.<br><br>
As for the dream thing...I have those kinds of dreams too. So, no, you're not a freak! :LOL Like a previous poster said, I think it's just b/c it has been a REALLY LONG TIME!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Blessings.
 

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Nope - not alone!<br><br>
I talk to my ex probably every other day (if not everyday); so at this point we're never very far from the other's mind. :LOL
 

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Steph you are far from being a freak. It took me about 5 years to<br>
stop wondering "what if's". It seemed that during times when we<br>
didn't see ex much (which used to be a couple of weeks at a time)<br>
my mind would start wondering. Then I would see him and SMACK<br>
right back into reality. I stopped thinking the what if's about a year<br>
ago, and how it's changed me, but it took time.<br>
I think during those times of change, or times where you aren't in<br>
the middle of a battle wishful thinking can take over. I was imagining<br>
that my ex was a better/different person.<br>
I finally let go of the dream. He is who he is, I am who I am. It's<br>
hard when you have a child and there is a part of your heart that<br>
will forever mourn the relationship with the other parent not working<br>
out.<br>
I think of my ex everyday. My daughter is a carbon copy of him.<br>
Looks, acts, breaths just like her dad. I don't think about him with<br>
hope any longer though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> sometimes I wonder what if I had left sooner
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pranamama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> sometimes I wonder what if I had left sooner</div>
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AMEN! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Bolt.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bolt">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>trinity6232000</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's hard when you have a child and there is a part of your heart that will forever mourn the relationship with the other parent not working out.</div>
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Wow - that really hits the nail on the head for me. Of course, this a fairly new separation (eventual divorce), so I think it's normal to think about stbx. I just have to remember that we just weren't suited. It breaks my heart that we live so far apart - for visitation reasons, but I can't dwell too much in questioning. It hurts, and isn't productive. I do allow myself some time to do this, though. I think it's just part of healing. And hey, if it comes up years later occasionally, I think it's still normal. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SunRayeMomi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But I facilitated the break up, not him.... Are you dating again? Maybe it's just time for you to have affection for another man, and you can finally let go of your ex?</div>
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I broke up with ex too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> Actually I up and moved out with my DS Thanksgiving weekend 2 years ago just minutes after ex left for work. But anyway....<br><br>
No, I am not dating anyone and have not dated anyone since I left him. To make it worse- he was my first real boyfriend too.... so really.... he's the only one I've ever been close to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> I've done a lot of thinking about it lately and I don't think I'm trying to hold on to him. I think I'm just trying to hold on to the idea of being close to a man, kwim? It's not him personally- he's just the picture to go with the idea at this time (unfortunately). At least I've never acted on it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Janna- I have complete faith that soon ex is going to do or say something that's going to be the smack in the back of the head for me. It always happens. Right when I start second guessing whether it was right to leave him I get that big smack that reaffirms I've done the right thing.<br><br>
Pranamama- I've thought about what if I had left him sooner also. But for me it always comes back to if I had left him when everyone around me was telling me I should I wouldn't have my DS. I can't imagine my life without him. Of course there was no abuse in our relationship so, looking back, I can honestly say I would not have done anything different. Everything I/we did I have learned a great deal from, and it's made me a stronger person. I definately would not be who I am today if I hadn't gone through all- the good and bad- I have.<br><br>
Thanks everyone!
 

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I think of my ex all the time. I agree with xenomama- it's all apart of the healing process, so I let myself think and write about everything. I want to have some good things to tell ds about his dad too (since he's never met him and prob never will) and so I have to keep those fresh in my mind, which isn't hard to do because I'm so nostalgic. Steph, glad to hear you're moving out!! (I haven't checked this forum in awhile) Good luck with it, rest and take time to enjoy yourself somehow, it can be so stressful to move!
 

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Thanks for asking the question! It's been on my mind too; I think because the divorce will be final tomorrow (!).<br><br>
I've got a new partner in my life, and so does he, but it's still hard. He gave me a hug the other day and it just felt so... familiar. But sooner or later something will come up and I'll remember why I left. We were together for 13 years, since I was 15 and we did so much growing up together. It's hard to leave that kind of relationship behind. It feels like it would be so easy to just try again, but I know we would slip right back into the old patterns...<br><br>
Keep posting stories and advice to keep me going on this one! Thanks mama's!<br><br>
K
 
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