[Summertime Mommy]

I am just trying to see if my expectations of ehat sh should be doing are realistic or not. So, how much does your dh help you around the house or with the kids.

 

[maliceinwonderland]

I don't expect him to do any housework, except take out the garbage, because I SAH right now, but he would do anything I ask him to. He helps with the kids as much as he can, but there are limitations. He can't feed the baby, or help dd with her homework (doesn't speak french), but pretty much everything else he'll help with.

 

[NaomiLorelie]

I am a lucky woman. I expect for DH to take care of the kids and do a little cleaning. However, life has been togh lately and our baby has been extremely demanding since she was born. I haven't had a good nights sleep in 10 months, and we have a 4 yo and 2yo. Our house is usually a disaster. He straightens up every day, he does most of the laundry. We share dish duties, vacuuming, whoever gets to them first. Same goes with childcare. I wish I could get him to do the litter box every now and then but I'm not going to worry about it. He does all of that and brings home the majority of the household income. And does a great job watching the kids when I am in class. I feel he goes above and beyond what he needs to.

 

[CandyApple]

During the school year, Dh does all of the child care during the day, along with the dishes, dinner prep, the weekly shower deep clean and vacuums/sweeps daily. Now that its summer, I take over most of the housework, but he takes one of the boys with him to farm a lot of the time. I consider myself blessed to have such a great dh!

 

[eli's mama]

I voted rarely. I guess if I asked he would do anything. But I don't ask. I should. But he has his assigned duties around the house, killing spiders, fixing the cars, paying the bills. I still hate when he leaves dirty dishes on the table and towels on the floor, but I only flip out on him once in a while.

 

[Peppermint]

Sometimes I need to ask for help and he'll happily do anything, but for the most part he sees what needs to be done and does his part and then some.

 

[kalirush]

I find it interesting how you put this- "help" implies that it's your job and not his in the first place. House care and child care are shared responsibilities in our home.

 

[Flower of Bliss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kalirush I find it interesting how you put this- "help" implies that it's your job and not his in the first place. House care and child care are shared responsibilities in our home.

:

Until recently I spent the evenings nursing DD and Dh would come home, fix dinner, clean up, etc. I gradually was able to do more cooking before DD needed me. Now DH comes home and plays with DD while I finish up cooking dinner and I'm often able to do the bulk of the cleaning too

Getting the short break from DD (which I didn't even want 2 months ago) and getting something accomplished make me feel so good

 

[bec]

I can't really answer, because none of the options fit us.

DH works some pretty long hours, so about 98% of the housework falls on me. He will do very small things if I ask and he has time and energy. But, he is putting in 60-70 hour weeks right now, so his time and energy is very, very limited.

With that said, he spends almost every free waking moment that he is home with the kids. He plays with them, takes care of them, gets them ready for bed, etc, and is a very hands on, involved daddy to them. He never complains about night time parenting (which he does for the big two, and involves him getting up at least once in the night), and on his one day off a week, he always lets me sleep in, getting up at 6 with the baby. He is up around 5 every morning. He gets up and gets to work that early, so he can have some time with the kids before they go to bed in the evening.

If I had to choose between a husband that was devoted to making the house clean or devoted to the kids, I choose the kids. The house can be cleaned in a few years.

 

[momuveight2B]

It is feast or famine with my husband because he works alternate weeks. The weeks he works he is barely here because he works seven 12 hour shifts in a row with a two hour commute. He really tries to step up during his work weeks though. The alternate weeks he is home full time with us. He does everything I do and more. He is always looking for what needs to be done and doing it. There are some things I am better at like cooking, shopping and of course I am the only one who can be pregnant and nurse. He does all the yardwork, home repairs and car upkeep. Since I am pregnant he makes sure I never even have to pump gas or clean windshields. He also makes sure that I do not do any jobs that would put me in contact with chemicals that might harm me or the babe. I am a SAHM but with seven children to care for that means I do as much work as anyone who works outside the home.

My husband is an absolute stud around the house and I am very grateful for all that he does. He will say the same about me. We have never viewed it as a competition. We have mutual goals to accomplish and believe that it takes teamwork to get there. We are too busy to keep score about who is doing what. We each make a very important contribution to our family.

 

[e.naomisandoval]

I find the phrasing intriguing. Why "help"? To me, that implies it is a given that anything to do with the house is my responsibility. I am looking for an alternative way to discuss household tasks that doesn't imply that I am in some way indebted should he deign to lift a finger.

 

[mamalisa]

When Dh is home, the kids are cared for and played with by both of us. But as far as the actual home care stuff, it is all my responsibility. That is my choice though. Dh works, I stay home. He's gone a lot with work, dinners and travel. I would hate for him to take time away from us as a family because he had chores to do. If I'm slacking (which I do often) he will step up without being asked and do things that need to be done. Or if I'm particularly tired or sick he will clean up or take us out to eat. When I was on bedrest he took over everything and did an amazing job. But I don't expect him to do day to day stuff, I see it as my job.

 

[Doodlebugsmom]

I voted that dh helps with the kids and housework, but I have to ask him first. That's only partly true. I only have to ask him to help with the housework (and I don't very often). I don't have to ask him to help with the kids though. I do drop them off at his office pretty often if I have something I need or want to do by myself. I always ask first to make sure it's an okay time.

I'd like to add that dh works about 60 hours/week, so he doesn't have much time to do housework. He'd rather do things with the kids and leave me to do the housework in peace. That totally works for me!

 

[***Heather***]

Over 8 years, it has varied. At times our household work load was equal, other times it fell on my shoulders. But he has NEVER had the complete responsibility of keeping our house a home.

This past winter we were both working full time. I would get up with DH in the morning, drive him to work (10 mins round trip), come home, get ready for work, leave for work for 8 hours. DH would get home an hour before me then sit at the computer playing stupid games till I got home. When I got home, I'd have to make dinner, and tidy up. We argued over this.

He would say "i just got home!!!" Um, hello? By the time I'd get home, he was relaxing for an hour & 15 minutes. I never sat down till dinner was ready.

His other argument? "I work harder". Granted. He has a "manly" job. He works with metal. But he's always talking about how they have forklifts, mini cranes etc so that they hardly ever had to lift anything heavy. They'd get 3 breaks a day. Often they need to just stand there and talk together about projects.

I on the other hand had a job cleaning. I worked from 9-5pm with ONE 15 min break to eat lunch. That was the only time I sat down all day. I had to clean up tables after 50-450 people a day (average was 200). Take out garbage and recycling, haul a stupid industrial sized vacuum up and down stairs twice a day, vacuum, mop, dust, clean washrooms, clean conference rooms & offices, pick up garbage and just keep a huge building full of people neat and tidy. (It was a losing battle some days). When I wasn't busy, I was in the kitchen prepping veggies, portioning food, occasionally serving customers. God, it makes me tired just thinking about it.

:

So, we made a deal. I work part time and take care of our home. He works full time and doesn't have to do much when he's home. Oh, occasionally he'll do some laundry, cook a meal etc. But he doesn't *have* to. I am so much happier with this arrangement. But I would have been happier to start out with if he *understood* what it was like working so crazy all the time.

:

 

[katybear mama]

DH does these things usually without me having to ask. These responsibilities belong to both of us, not just me. That being said, there are things I don't do, like car stuff, and there are things he doesn't do, like pet stuff, but it evens out in the end.

 

[DreamsInDigital]

I really feel like the household labor is divided pretty evely for us. We don't have any set chores that one of us is responsible for. He'll cook dinner if I'm not up for it, or if I cook he'll wash the dishes, he does diapers, laundry, waters the yard, sweeps the floor, whatever needs to be done. Gotta love a guy that doesn't mind helping out.

 

[newmommy]

DH is DS's Other Mama. As a WAHD, He takes care of him every day until I get home from work at about 6:30.

Parenting is shared 50/50. Admittedly

: , there are days when I am just WIPED out (demanding career) and even though it is "my turn" when I walk in the door at 6:30pm, if I ask DH to take DS with him to meet with a client, he does it with no complaints.

We both wipe DS's butt, give him baths, fix his breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean up spilled sippy cups messes and read him story time. DH took him to every single well-baby-check ups and all emergency doctor visits (I have to work).

Since both of are Working Parents, the house is just *livable*. My biggest pet peeve is the Kitchen. I can't stand a dirty kitchen. Most of the time when I walk in the door, dishes are piled up in the sink.

I used to get angry with DH but after working from home one day and trying to take care of a busy and active toddler...well, I changed my tune

We have decided to hire out a cleaning service after we get back from vacation. The bottom line is neither one of us have the energy to do it. It should be a lifesaver for us and make life easier for us both.

 

[momto l&a]

Dh helps without being asked.

I have heard from other woman that dh is exceptional.

 

[accountclosed3]

my husband helps out without needing to be asked. usually, he asks me what i'd like for him to do aroudn the house, because he knows i have a 'system' to these things. he wants to help relieve some of the ordinary burden (and he has his own, self chosen chores).

we don't have kids yet, but he wants to be a WAH dad.

 

[Monkeygrrl]

T helps without being asked most of the time...we dont expect him to do housework, since we have kids to help out with that...but he helps with the kids, and helps with dinner when asked to...

peace...