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How often does your ex see your kids?

  • Every other weekend + one weekday.

    Votes: 3 10.0%
  • Every other weekend.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • A couple days out of the week for a few hours at a time.

    Votes: 6 20.0%
  • Once in awhile he will see them, but no consistent schedule.

    Votes: 6 20.0%
  • He is gone for good and it is just us OR I am a single parent by choice.

    Votes: 10 33.3%
  • Other, please explain.

    Votes: 5 16.7%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is out of pure curiosity, here!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
I also wanted to know how you all felt about your X's involvement? Honestly, now! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> (wish he would be there more, take them more, or wish he would butt out sometimes, or maybe your situation is just ideal for everyone.)<br><br>
oh yeah, and what do you do for holidays?
 

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My X comes out Wednesday evenings and all day Saturday. He used to take our oldest for one Friday night every other week, but since he got a girlfriend, the overnights stopped.<br><br>
For the kids sake, I'd wish he would do more. He shows up -- but he's not really here. He's okay with the kids as long as everything's "easy", but if there's a little effort required, he is gone.<br><br>
For my sake (and the kids too), I wish he'd either step in or step out.....it's almost more work when he just "sort of parents".<br><br>
We do make things work okay most of the time.<br><br>
The only holidays X seems to care about are birthdays & Christmas and we all spend those days together. It works out okay for all of us.
 

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Son's father and I live in different states about 700 miles apart. We dated for 4 years and broke up sometime while I was pregnant. When I became pregnant we live on different coasts, 3000 miles apart but I was able to get transferred closer to "home" but I still spent my whole pregnancy alone. We see each other about once a month. Usually son and I fly to see him and family. Occasionally he flys down to see us. We are friendly and I love his family. When he is around though I feel like I have double the work and always have to take into consideration what he wants to do, eat, go, etc. When I am it his place its great because he has a huge family and everyone wants to snuggle the baby, giving my back a much needed rest. He does pay child support sometimes but I feel kind of guilty accepting it because I make pretty good money and don't really need it. It all going towards son's college right now. I will be moving closer to home next year and will be unemployed while going back to school to get another degree so it will be whole new experience having to see his father everyday and rely more on him financially and not always getting to call the shots. I have a lot of resentment towards him but I try not to let our son sense/see it. So overall I think our situation is working well although I could use more help some days.
 

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He has never seen our baby! He hasn't seen our 2 other childen in over a year! I am angry, b/c he doesn't even call on a regular basis. He hasn't sent them a letter, Christmas gift, or Birthday gifts. He sends no child support. I hurt for them. I also hurt, b/c my children are being neglected, abandonded, and deserted by thier father.<br><br>
I have a hard time seperating my feelings towards him. I go through times where I think about some memories, then I remember the abuse, and I get so angry.<br><br>
All in all, time will make it better for me, and I think that with time, they will just forget him. I guess they are better off. When my daughter asks about him, I just tell her the truth, which is usually, "I don't know". I don't want to give her a wonderful picture of him, and I don't want to let her know what he really is, which is an abuser and pretty much a piece of trash, instead, I remain neutral about him. I am sure that with time, she will see for herself what he really is, and hopefully, she will see that I let her make up her own mind about him.
 

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My sons father is very much involved!<br><br>
I am a single mom by choice, but maybe not the way you all think of when I say "by choice"....<br><br>
My best friend the last 13 years is DS`s father. We decided we wanted a child 4 years ago, and Noah is the result. We are still the best of friends, and Noah spends lots of time with both of us and with his dad alone, too.<br><br>
Right now we live 2 hours (by car) away from his father, but will be moving to the same city in a few months.<br><br>
Our dream is to sometime buy a house with 2 apartements, so that Noah can live with us both.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My ds dad comes every Sunday fron 930-5. It has been once a week since his birth. He is almost 4 now and reaaly likes his dad. I have a hard time with his father for other reasons. I also try and stay neutral so he can have his own opinion of him one day. I have always told his dad he can come by anytime, but it has always been once a week.<br><br>
I have had only one tough spot. Ds telling me he was sad because his daddy was going to spank him hard in the butt.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> So, I told him that I use gentle disclpine and he freaked out! His response was , "it worked" Of course-it is a scare tactic that causes your child to fear you. So, I hope it stops. DS is always telling me daddy has a girlfriend. He said he meet her once and she has kids that he played with that day. this got me a little irritated because he may see her kids more than his. So, that's about it.
 

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My ds dad comes every Sunday fron 930-5. It has been once a week since his birth. He is almost 4 now and reaaly likes his dad. I have a hard time with his father for other reasons. I also try and stay neutral so he can have his own opinion of him one day. I have always told his dad he can come by anytime, but it has always been once a week.<br><br>
I have had only one tough spot. Ds telling me he was sad because his daddy was going to spank him hard in the butt.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> So, I told him that I use gentle disclpine and he freaked out! His response was , "it worked" Of course-it is a scare tactic that causes your child to fear you. So, I hope it stops. DS is always telling me daddy has a girlfriend. He said he meet her once and she has kids that he played with that day. this got me a little irritated because he may see her kids more than his. So, that's about it. He usually spends holidays with me, but his b-day party is both of us and our families and friends.
 

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My son's father saw Lachlan twice per week for 30 mins until Lachlan was 5 weeks old and I started chasing Child Support.<br><br>
I haven't seen him since, and am choosing to not pursue the legal avenues that were started. I would prefer my son have no father in his life, than one who values money more than his son's wellbeing.<br><br>
So it's just us, and we are doing fine on our own.<br><br>
Love Lisa & Lachlan
 

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I couldn't vote twice on this, but I should have...<br><br>
Caleb's father is out of the picture. period. (although 2 weeks ago I did receive a first child support check that was 2 1/2 years in the making!!)<br><br>
Owen's father lives in Chicago while we live in NH. He visits his so 2x/year or so and calls 2x/month-ish.<br><br>
This is not acceptable to me, but I can't really do much about it. The only time I get angry about it is when he turns around and tries to tell me what's best for Owen on any given matter. He's not about to step in and make child-rearing decisions when he doesn't show that he really cares every other second of his sons lives...<br><br>
Good to hear about other's situations with the fathers... it's something that's not really discussed much.<br><br>
Love,<br>
Emily <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave">
 

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My ex has been out of the picture since I was 20 weeks pregnant, and he has never met Max. I don't expect him to ever show up and become involved... I generally feel pretty good with our situation, I love Max enough for both of us, and I really like being able to make all of the decisions for my son (yes... selfish, isn't it??? hehehe) I do sometimes feel bad that Max is missing out on having a father though... hopefully when he is old enough to realize what a daddy is, and wonders why he doesn't have one he will be OK with it. I also feel pity for my ex, because I really feel like he is missing out on something very important and I wonder if he thinks about it often...
 

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We have recently decided to split, are still living together whil we look for other housing.<br><br>
Our dd is 18 mos. old and still BFing.<br><br>
We have both agreed to this:<br><br>
I stay at home all weekdays with her.<br><br>
He will be with her 4 - 8 p.m., 3 days a week, and half of every weekend.<br><br>
So I'll have her all weekdays, 3 eves per week, and half of every weekend. He'll never have her after 8 p.m., for now, or for overnites. He hasn't slept with us since she was born, and doesn't get up with her the numerous time per nite that I do, so it makes no sense for her to sleep over with him. She would totally freak out.<br><br>
Basically, I'll have what I have been wanting for a while - a few nites a week to myself (in this case, I'll either be working or in school, but I won't be parenting), and some free time on the weekends. I see it as an official way to make him give me the breaks he wouldn't do when we were together. And since I'll be working or in class the nites he takes her, he can't back out.<br>
We'll see how it works...
 

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Our agreement is every other weekend and three weeks out of the year w/ alternating holidays but he would have to live in the area for that to take effect. He has also agreed to wait until our youngest (newborn) is five before taking the children to visit him out of area, so for the next five years all visitation will happen on my turf. He is planning to visit for a couple days in January and might meet me in June @ his family reunion (but only if he can convince his girlfriend to come).<br><br>
He calls the boys on the phone almost every night, but it looks like that will be the only contact they have for awhile.
 

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my ex sees the boys (ages 18 mnths and 4) every day. He has them for an 8 hr stretch 2X a week and then for 4 hours on the other days. They don't spend the night with him yet cause my littlest one is still nursing, though ex wants them to spend the night. I like this arrangement b/c I work while the kids are with him so I don't have to utilize much daycare and he is a fun dad (just not a fun husband or ex husband for that matter). I don't like seeing him so frequently, but the kids do.
 

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I left my husband 3 yrs ago on dec 28.... and he has not seen my daughter since then... i went to court for sole custody with no visitation and he didnt even dispute it.... he is too busy making more babies.... and not taking care of my daughter or my step daughter who just turned 9( the only one of his kids my daughter knows).... i have given him our phone number so he can keep in contact with my daughter and she hasnt heard from him in months and the only reason she heard from him b4 was becuz i was searching for him for some child support.... oh well i like being a single parent... i dont have to fight with anyone bout how to raise her (im selfish....lol..) but she is the one in the end who will be hurt but there are many people in her life that love her so im not too worried.... when shes old enuff she can confront her father and see what he's excuse will be and like most men he will probably blame me....
 
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