[maybelle]

I am new to single parenthood, custody orders and, well, setting boundaries

, so I am hoping you wise mamas can offer some perspective on this.

Shortly after DS was born 6.5 years ago, then-DP surprised me with a new-to-me car which was much nicer than what I had had. I was grateful for the saftety of comfort of that car. My name was never on the title, but it was for all intents and purposes "my" car.

Fast forward to this summer, a couple of months after I had moved out. I got into my first ever accident, a fender bender just 4 days before DS and I were to leave on a 2000 mile round trip vacation. As a result of this accident, more damage occurred on the return trip. Then we had mechanical trouble unrelated to the accident. We wound up abandoning the car in another state and driving a rental back here (ex was threatening to call the police). After this, ex so very graciously mailed me the title (he lives 8 blocks away). There is pre-existing mechanical work which needs to be done, on top of the repairs necessitated by the accident as well as diagnosing and fixing the issue that led me to leave the thing in a parking lot in New Mexico. For the money it would take to make this 13-year old car safe and legal, I can buy a safe and legal car here, and not have to travel to collect the old car and be driving within a matter of days. In order to do this, I am applying for a loan. Because I have no credit, my father has agreed to co-sign.

So I finally get to the question part of my post

. This morning after dropping DS at the first day of school, ex was peppering me with questions about just how I plan to get myself out of this mess

. He is very angered at the prospect of me selling the car for salvage. "How are you going to get a loan?! Girl, you don't have any credit, I know you don't! What are going to do with the old car?! You better not just junk it, just throw it away like a piece of crumpled up paper!"

You get the idea. I told him I was going to get a loan. Nothing more. How much of this is his business? I didn't tell him my dad will be co-signing (he asked why my parents can't help me). I didn't tell him that, in fact, I was planning on selling the old car for salvage and was going to start making the calls today. How much information do I give him? About my plans or the condition of the car (which is very bad)? Or do I just let him take back the title, as he suggested, and go try to haul the heap back here?

 

[Autumnschild]

When he mailed you the title, was he "giving" you the car and the responsibility? Or was he expecting you to buy it from him? I don't think it is any of his business what you plan to do with it, or what your plans are for getting a new one. It sounds like he is trying to control you by throwing it in your face that you have bad credit, etc. It really isn't any of his concern, how or if you get another vehicle. You don't need to explain, nor do you need to base any of your decisions on what he thinks. Just get the car and when he sees you driving it, that will be proof enough that you CAN do it.

 

[maybelle]

In mailing me the title he was "giving" me the responsibility. In fact, just after the fender bender he asked if "we" had ever transferred the title to my name b/c he "didn't want to be reponsible when you abandon it by the side of the road." Give me some credit here, at least I had the sense to leave it in the free unlimited parking lot of a small airport

.

 

[TAC]

Than this is none of his concern. Not whether or not you get a loan, or where or whether you leave the car. He has given you the right to make this decision. Treat him like you would anyone else that asks you questions. he doesn't have the right to interrogate you because you were once married. Tell him straight out..... none of your business......

 

[JustVanessa]

I would tell him its none of his business as well. I just had the car stbx and I bought transferred into my name. 3 days later I had a little collision. Totally my fault but the only damage is a little paint transfer on my car. Stbx noticed and kept asking what I did to "our" car. I totally didn't want to admit it was my fault and he was pissing me off with the whole "our car" thing. I told him to mind his own business pretty quick.

Its your car, you have the title, maybe you can just gently remind him of that. And if you want to douse it in gasoline and watch it burn, it really should mean nothing to him b/c its YOURS.

HTH!

 

[Dont Ask]

I agree with the other posters. None of this is his business. If he gave you the title free and clear, it is your car to do with as you please. Your finances no longer his concern.

 

[mama40]

wait...did he actually transfer the title into your name, or just send you the piece of paper with his name on?

 

[maybelle]

He filled out the back of the title stating that he had sold the car to me. I have not signed it. His taking the title, and thus the responsibility for the car, back would be a huge relief for me. I'm not about to tell him that he's really helping me out

. The cost of the deferred maintanance, plus the repairs from the small collision, plus the cost of the further damage from not immediately repairing the collision damage, plus whatever is going on mechanically (which is unrelated to the collision or deferred maintanance) make this thing a money pit. Couple that with the fact that the thing is 800 miles away, and I'd just as soon sell it to a salvage yard for a couple hundred bucks and start over. Even that would be a hassle, as I'd have to make a bunch of long distance phone calls and figure out a bunch of details. It might be kind of entertaining to see him try to figure out how to get the thing back here and repair it

.

I have been appproved for a loan, with my dad co-signing, and am looking forward to car shopping today or tomorrow

. The old car is also representative of one of the last things X and MIL are holding over my head. Being free of the car (which I really did like and appreciate) is just one more way I am free of their negative energy.

 

[mirabella]

My ex does the same stuff. He feels that anything that happens in my life is his business. Seriously he has said that, because it all, in some way, affects dd. But it isn't his business at all. Stay strong and good luck.

 

[TAC]

I say scrap the car like you said to a salvage yard and start over. That can be some symbolism

 

[Bad Mama Jama]

I'd also scrap it. Who would spend that kind of money for repairs. This sounds like he is having an issue over control.

Anywho, the credit situation is NONE of his business. That is an agreement btw. you and your father. He has nerve. That doesn't apply to him.

 

[azzuranotte]

You might want to consider donating it. I know many place don't care if it runs and will pick up cars. Then take the tax write off.

 

[Viewfinder]

It sounds to me like you're saying it would actually be better for you to LET the x take the title back so you don't have to deal with it at all. And since you never signed the title, maybe it would actually benefit you in some way to keep your name OFF of it. Save you having to go to the motor vehicles, pay for a new title, get whatever papers signed and maybe notarized for the salvage operation. I can see how just handing it back to x would be a lot easier for you. And if he wants to, why not let him?

Unless you think he'd get a look at it and give you crap about it. Then maybe the hassles of arranging for it to be salvaged out are worth it.

 

[maybelle]

I got approved for the loan and went car shopping yesterday at a used car lot. I left with a bad taste in my mouth and have decided to try to get a car from a private owner instead. Ex picked up DS from school yesterday for the weekend and was peppering two of my mama friends with questions about what my plans were. One of them had gone to the car lot with me

and she was really vague in what she told him, not revealing anything about my financing situation. Such wise friends I have

.

X has no respect for my intelligence and won't believe me/doesn't hear for me when I have tried to enumerate for him what the old car needs to be driveable, let alone safe. That's part of why I want to just give him the title and let him find out for his own stubborn, holier-than-thou self just how trashed the thing is. If it costs him a bunch of money, that's okay too. CS is automatically withheld and his mother has a history of bailing him out of every single pickle he's ever been in, so I'm not too worried about bankrupting him

.

I just saw Vanessa Marie's post. Yes, giving him back the title would save me a world of time, expense and hassle. Of course, he may well have forgotten his insistence that I give him back the title if I'm just going to salvage it

: . I've seen similar behaviors from him in the past.