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Time heals the pain? How much time does it take to make a difference?!?!?<br><br>
I have been thinking a lot in the past few weeks about my pregnancy. I find myself going to the DD club here and just lurking.<br>
Talking with my DH about how big my belly would be right now. He does not really "talk" with me about the baby or pregnancy. He does not know what to say, and to tell you the truth, I do not know what I want to hear!<br><br>
It has been just over 2 month since my m/c, 3 mo since my baby died.<br><br>
When does it get easier. This pregnancy was not planned. This does not mean that I did not WANT that presious baby! I do not want to get pregnant again any time soon. We had a bit of a scare last week, I was one day later then I should have been with my period. I honestly was freaking out. Not due to the fact that I do not want to be pregnant. Not due to the fact that we are not financially stable at this moment (still trying to get caught up from me being out of work for 5 weeks w/ the m/c)<br>
I was freaked out due to the fact that I am freaking scared to death to go through what I did in August. We do want another baby some day.. in two years perhaps. I could not imagine what it would do to me if I lost a planned pregnancy!!!<br><br>
I thought I was prepaired to have my m/c, knowing for 6 days that the baby was dead and it was only a matter of time before he passed. I was so wrong! It hurt so bad.. physically and emotionally.<br><br>
I feel bad because I never told my children about the baby. In fact, my 8 yr old huged me one day,( I was right at 8 week preg) he pulled back and said... " Mommy, you have a baby in your tummy!" I rushed him out the door and did not entertain his comment.<br>
He has not mentioned it again, but if he did I could not lie to him. I would have to tell him the truth, and then explain what happened.<br><br>
Sorry, I am just going on and on here.<br><br>
Can someone tell me what makes this any easier?
 

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There is no magic number.<br><br>
My grandmother once told me about a miscarriage she had...I could tell, even 30 years later...it pained her.<br><br>
It just hurts less....
 

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I can't tell you what makes it easier because I am in the same position that you are. I lost my baby 7 1/2 wks ago. I had told my children because I was in maternity clothing already and it was very obvious. In fact we had told everyone. I wanted to post to let you know that this IS hard and their are others that feel like you. Some days are good but some days are not. I still feel like I have a black cloud hanging over me every where I go. I keep thinking that I will feel better when af comes but I don't know if that will help. I kept a box of things to remind me of the baby. (a pg test, a rose that my midwife gave me, a video of our prenatal appointments, and the birth story that I wrote.) It has been very healing for me to look at these items when I am feeling sad.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama and just know that you are not alone.<br>
Nicole
 

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I, also, lost an unplanned pregnancy. It was in June and I still cry about it. I am pg again and totally freeaked out about this one. I was not emotionally healed enough to get pg again; however, I thought I was (we were trying this time). What helped me cope the most was understanding that it's okay to be sad for weeks, months, or years. Everyone is different. Don't force yourself to grieve on somone else's timeline.
 

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I lost a baby due to an ectopic pregnancy about four and a half years ago. It was an unplanned pregnancy (we were six months from our wedding date) in a very long engagement...only my mom knew about it. The point is, it took me a couple weeks to get used to the pregnancy idea...and by the time I was really excited about having a baby at that point in my life, I realized there was something wrong with the pregnancy. I lost the baby in the spring. I can honestly say that I don't remember any of the summer. It's literally like a shadow in my memory...as if someone were running an 8mm film projector with overexposed film on it and no sound, on fast forward. I don't remember anything until sometime that fall when I realized I needed counseling, or our marriage to be was going to fall apart. The counseling really helped. My husband and I went together. About a year later we got pregnant again, and were terrified. But for us all it took was a vaginal ultrasound to make sure that the baby was where she should be, and that her heart was beating, to reassure us that it would probably be okay. I can tell you, though, that when we saw the baby and her heartbeat, we sobbed so hard that we made the linebacker-esque OB doing the ultrasound cry, too. I wasn't secure about the pregnancy until she had cooked for 32 weeks, and I knew that statistically she'd be okay if she was born. I still think about that baby. How big she'd be (we have friends whose son is, almost to the same due date, the same age our child would have been), whether she'd have her daddy's smiling eyes or my brother's quick wit. I don't cry much anymore...mostly it's my husband, who cries around the date we lost her in the spring, who sets me off. I can't ever say that it gets *easier.* It gets different. As if there is a scab or a not fully healed scar over the pain. It doesn't really go away...it just, because your life takes over again, gets let go to the back of your heart, to the bottom of the pile. When you DO feel secure enough to have another baby, it won't "cure" the pain. Some really insensitive people have said stuff like that to my sister, who has lost three babies. Such as, "well, when you have another one, you'll forget all about this..." or, "you *have* two healthy children, what are you so upset about?" AS IF. It will help to make you busy, though. And busy is good. So is talking about it to someone who understands. Have you ever heard of "Elizabeth Ministry?" If you go to church (and are some form of christian), you might ask your Christian Service Co-ordinator whether they can hook you up with an Elizabeth Minister who has had a similar experience. I think they even have a web site. I can't relay to you the feeling of, well, relaxing, a little bit, when I saw actual UNDERSTANDING in someone's eyes. The feeling even bordered on comforted. Now my sister knows, too (the one who has lost three pregnancies). When I have a bad moment, I can talk to her and have a soft place to land. It helps. Life does go on, and life has a way of making the pain a little...farther away...as the years go on.<br><br>
I guess all this is to say that it *can* get easier to cope. You need a plan, and maybe someone who's been there, to listen to you while you go through the work. Blessings to you. You're in my prayers.
 
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