How old and for how long?

516 Views 14 Replies 14 Participants Last post by cellarstella, Aug 12, 2006

North_Of_60

Discussion Starter · Aug 12, 2006

How old were your babies when you starting leaving them with a sitter, IF you left them at all (or in our case, grandma)? I understand not everyone is comfortable leaving their babe, I've only done it once with someone other then DH.

DD is almost 5 months old and my husband REALLY wants to go 4x4ing with our club tomorrow and wants me to go with him. He was really ill before DD, so it's been A LONG time since we've done anything as a couple. I'd like to go, but I've never left her like this before. She'll take a bottle EBM because I quite often left her with hubby while I went to the doctors (I had to go weekly for a clotting disorder I have), and I have plenty of frozen milk stashed.

I know my MIL would be really good with her, and when given a specific set of instructions she'll honor them (don't let her cry, no TV, ect). I could also take the pump so I don't skip any feedings.

I really want to go, but at the same time I really want her to go too, which is just not possible (or safe). I don't know if I would enjoy myself if I did go, and I don't want to get all the way out there and not be able to turn around.

I'm not sure how long we'll be. Probably 3-5 hours. I wouldn't stay longer then that even if it was.

Grandma has watched her once before for an hour and a half when we went to a business club meeting and she did fine, wasn't upset or anything. They played and read the whole time. I thought about taking grandma along so I can nurse, but it's just possible with where we're going.

I originally said no, and told DH to go without me, but everyone is trying to talk me into it (his sister, BIL, and dad are all going too). I feel guilty for wanting to go without her, but at the same time, I think it would be really good for hubby and I. We had a bad year last year, (tragedy, illness, and other stresses) and are FINALLY starting to get back on our feet again. I've been really depressed about all of it (he has too) and could really stand to do something FUN. I'm just bummed about it not being baby friendly.

I'm so torn.

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millionmom

· #2 · Aug 12, 2006

I left ds with my parents and my MIL pretty early on. I needed to get out of the house for my sanity once in a while! At 12 weeks, I had to go back to work, so ds started at daycare. He is a very social and happy little boy. I would leave your dc with a sitter, and have a good time with your dh!! But that is just my 2 cents...I think it's great to be with your kids all the time, but it's also nice to take the time out to have time to do things just with yourself and dh!

Shahbazin

· #3 · Aug 12, 2006

I think it would be OK for you to go; I've had grandma (my mom) watch DD since she was 2 weeks old - for 1/2 hour a day for the 1st month or so, then from 2-3 months (present) for an hour a day in the afternoon. I have a lot of dogs & livestock, which DH will feed in the AM before work, but I change water, feed, weed the garden, muck out, apply bug repellant, trim hooves & suchlike on my time (grubby, physical things that would be impossible to do w/DD along.) Mom will hold DD if she cries or wants to sleep being held, watch her sleeping in her bassinet if she prefers to nap by herself, listen to some music CDs, or play w/her on the bed w/some soft toys. I haven't ever been gone more than 1 1/2 hours, so feeding hasn't been an issue, but I do have some frozen milk & a bottle in case of emergencies. As long as you have a responsible caretaker, it's fine to go out sometimes.

senke

· #4 · Aug 12, 2006

Our religion (Eastern Orthodox) encourages women to stay home for the first 40 days after birth (rest, recuperate, get nursing established, get to know your new addition) while other people take care of you (bring you meals, clean, etc). I really appreciated that time.

After that first six weeks, I would leave the baby with my husband (he works from home) for an hour or two while I saw clients at school (I'm a Psychology graduate student who works as a therapist as part of my training). When the baby was 8 weeks old, we left her with a friend of the family with some EBM while my husband and I went to a play. Since then, we've left the baby for a few hours to go to a movie. We leave her with a friend we both trust to adhere to our wishes about our kid.

My "policy", as it were, is not to be gone so long that I have to pump! But this is just because... well, pumping while out? bleh!

Mama Poot

· #5 · Aug 12, 2006

We left Paddy with grandma for like 2 hours while we went to the park to play tennis. He was maybe 8 weeks old?? I didnt enjoy myself that much, but it was kinda nice to have "fun" time alone with my husband.

Past_VNE

· #6 · Aug 12, 2006

If you DD is comfortable with your MIL, I think it sounds like a much-deserved respite for you. Your first few trips without the babe will leave your heart and half your mind with her, whether it's now or much later. I still think about DS constantly when I'm away from him, even though I know he's safe. That said, I have a great time anyway.

I didn't leave DS until about 11 months, I think....(I'd have to look back in my due date club threads, LOL, I don't remember exactly) Anyway, I would have been willing to leave him sooner if I had had someone I trusted available before then.

It's certainly up to you and you alone, but I think it sounds like great fun!.

PancakeGoddess

· #7 · Aug 12, 2006

Mine have all been about 18-24 mos when they started going with Grammy for an hour or so.

DeannaK

· #8 · Aug 12, 2006

2

Here's my 10 cents worth of *ssvice.

You need to nuture your relationship with your dh for the sake of your children. It helps them that you have a happy and loving marriage. If your child is okay with grandma I say go for it!

Have fun!

But if you think you are going to resent your DH for making you go then by all means don't go.

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hottmama

· #9 · Aug 12, 2006

I have left my youngest with his dad lots of times since he was pretty little. But the first time someone else watched him was just a couple of weeks ago, when I left him with my mom for 5 hours (7pm-midnight) to go to a concert with my partner (his daddy). He was 7 months old. It was nice to go out by ourselves, and I would do it again. He was sleeping when we got there to pick him up, although my mom said it took her a long time to walk and rock him to sleep.

josybear

· #10 · Aug 12, 2006

ds was on his own for the 1st time when we were visiting the ILs. MIL had 5 kids so she was comforatble with babies, but the other side of that coin is that she knows EVERYTHING about babies and doesn't want me doing anything differently. i know that ds wasn't parented the way i would have, but by this time he was 7 months old and if i didn't get a day out i would have snapped. it turned out to be a really good thing, i got to find out what it feels like to miss ds, and i was much more grateful to be home with him for the following month or so.
imo you should go out, leave the pump at home (one feeding missed won't affect your supply, i promise) and pretend to be child-free. if you're like me, everything will seem brighter and nicer when you get home.

North_Of_60

Discussion Starter · #11 · Aug 12, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by senke
Our religion (Eastern Orthodox) encourages women to stay home for the first 40 days after birth (rest, recuperate, get nursing established, get to know your new addition) while other people take care of you (bring you meals, clean, etc). I really appreciated that time.

We're not religious, but that's a great policy to have, and I did it myself.

But anyway, it seems I won't be going anyway. Grandma isn't available after all. Darnit. I psyched myself up for it and everything.

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Partyof5

· #12 · Aug 12, 2006

6

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeannaK
You need to nuture your relationship with your dh for the sake of your children. It helps them that you have a happy and loving marriage. If your child is okay with grandma I say go for it!

Have fun!

:
Also though, I totally understand your thoughts. I was so engrossed in this whole AP thing that I was paranoid about leaving even for an hour. But after 6yrs (3 in a row) of hold me, nurse me, don't put me down or I'll scream! I'm done. I wish I had a baby that would just play nice with grandma. But alas, I don't seem to make those babies. I almost believe my idiot mother when she tells me I spoil them, because they act spoiled, screaming when I leave the room

: So I say, if your baby tolerates being left,

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alegna

· #13 · Aug 12, 2006

Not yet- dd just turned two.

-Angela

Sijae

· #14 · Aug 12, 2006

First time my daughter was away from me was at about 18 months and she was in the church nursery for about an hour. After she turned 2 she started spending 2 hours twice a week for playdates with her great-grandma and they have continued to this day. She loves her grandmother time. I started leaving my second son with my mother when he was 4 months old and I was taking some classes. I wouldn't choose to leave a baby that young again. I was happy to always be with my daughter till she was 2. My policy is I wont leave them until I feel comfortable that they will be confident without me. Not "ok", not "will get used to it" but happy without me and that they wont cry for me and have me not respond because I'm not there. So really they have to get into toddler-hood where they are developing a sense of individuality for that to happen.

Laura

cellarstella

· #15 · Aug 12, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by senke
Our religion (Eastern Orthodox) encourages women to stay home for the first 40 days after birth (rest, recuperate, get nursing established, get to know your new addition) while other people take care of you (bring you meals, clean, etc).

I begged for something like that (a week?) and didn't get it. Maybe I should get some religious (or at least more helpful) friends!

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