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How outspoken/upfront would you be?

499 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Kiki Runs
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I'm thinking WAAY ahead (not pg yet) here. I'm just wondering how upfront you'd be w/a midwife in this situation.

I had a (unnecessary, I believe) c/s with DS. I WILL VBAC next time. There is one midwife in town who runs a birthing center. There are two OB practices, one of which employs a midwife (but they only birth at the hospital). As a result of DS' birth, I am determined NOT to ever birth at a hospital again, so I'm seeing the midwife with the birth center.

I've met with her once, at which time we discussed my plans for VBAC. She was on-board and, without seeing my medical records (ie, based on what I told her), is confident in my ability to VBAC. During our meeting, we discussed vaguely what we (I) could do to ensure a successful VBAC. One of her comments was that "we will probably try to induce you at 38 weeks or so to avoid the baby getting too big"
(DS was 12 lbs).

I made some non-committal comment like "Huh. I don't know, we'll have to see". It wasn't a big issue at the time, although I knew that it wouldn't ever be happening. (And, side note, she didn't mention HOW we would induce, but inducing a VBAC? Not a good idea in my book)

Now I'm wondering how upfront to be about this sort of thing with her. She's pretty much the only game in town for me (we live on an island, so it's not like I can just go elsewhere), unless I want to go UC, which I am thinking about. Even if I went UC, I would see her for pre-natal care. My concern is that if I am upfront about refusing the induction (or other things), will she "fire" me? Is it ethical for me to go through my pregnancy knowing that I will not allow an induction AND knowing that she is planning one?

The more I think about it, the more she seems like a MEDwife, but like I said, I have little choice. She will be paid upfront for each pre-natal visit (insurance), so even if we went UC in the end, we're not trying to "stiff" her $$-wise.

What do you think? I'd really LOVE to have a midwife I can trust and be completely open with, but I'm not willing to birth in a hospital. It's not worth it to me, emotionally.

Kinsey
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I would not be induced with a VBAC. I would be upfront with her when the time is right, i.e., when she starts talking about induction toward the end of your pregnancy.
She probably wouldn't drop you for refusing an induction, but she certainly might for having "too big" a baby, or for going "late". So your concern is valid. Instead of telling her you *will* refuse an induction, feel her out and ask what would happen *if* you refused it, *if* your baby was a certain estimated weight, *if* you went postdates. Assuming she's honest with you, you'll have your answer right there.

Although, the fact that she is not only willing to induce a VBAC but would would prefer to is a big ol' red flag for me. I'm thinking, geez, if she's so blase' about that, what other interventive crap will she want to inflict on you? Have you looked into midwives from neighboring areas? I've heard of midwives traveling some pretty good distances to attend a birth -- it's worth a try.
Quote:

Originally Posted by blueviolet
Although, the fact that she is not only willing to induce a VBAC but would would prefer to is a big ol' red flag for me. I'm thinking, geez, if she's so blase' about that, what other interventive crap will she want to inflict on you? Have you looked into midwives from neighboring areas? I've heard of midwives traveling some pretty good distances to attend a birth -- it's worth a try.
I agree, and wonder what she is thinking on that. However, like I said, she seems to be my only choice (remembering that I will NOT birth in a hospital under non-emergency conditions). We really do live on an island - airplane or boat are the only ways off.

I hadn't even thought of her dropping me for big baby or post-dates (although I suppose by the time those became issues, pre-natal care would be pretty much finished).

TBH, I am really starting to seriously think about UC. I would prefer to VBAC the first time with a midwife present, but am now thinking that a MEDwife may be more harm than good. I don't know - plenty of time to think about it, though.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Kinsey
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