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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Warning...really long emotional post.<br><br>
This has to be the weirdest post, sigh. I'm pretty upset now and sadly I can't think of much else tonight. And, I feel stupid because I know in my head so many more things are important than this!<br><br>
Some of you may have read about how I adopted my cat at the end of last year. She is just flat out incredible...Heaven is outgoing, lovable, playful...she's my best friend. Just an incredible personality, beautiful eyes! Wonderful!<br><br>
Anyhow, I've developed a good relationship with her breeder. She had talked to me early on about Heaven's brother...who has an equally great outgoing personality. But, has really great type, was a quick Grand Champion and would be a wonderful cat for me to show as an alter. At the time she said she thought her son might want him. So, I considered him out of the picture.<br><br>
Well, then a few months ago she writes me an email...."are you still interested in a third cat...? I'm going to neuter that black soon and I want to know if you want him" I call her up wondering which black. And, YEP it's her brother. My heart does flip flops! Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course I'll give him a home. I asked her about her son, if he was sure he didn't want him. She told me she asked him and he said "he couldn't have a cat right now." He wanted her to keep him, but she had too many breeding cats and it wouldn't work as she was cutting back. Anyhow, the months pass. I get a few emails from her along the way. 'Kitty wants a girl and as soon as he gets one he's neutered'. Then, the last email a couple of weeks ago..."hope you're getting ready for him as he's going to be neutered soon."<br><br>
I wrote to her how excited all of us were, and how the girls are absolutely thrilled. They call him "Heaven's brother" and have been talking about him.<br><br>
I had to call her about Heaven's papers today, and at the end of our really great conversation I ask her...How's he doing? When do you think he'll be ready. Then she starts talking...hmm...my son mentioned him the other day. Then she starts talking about a completely different cat, a different color, not as nice type that I don't want. Trying to ask me if I'd consider that one instead <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: . HUH? I was really "surprised-shocked" etc. feeling and it completely felt like my heart fell on the floor. Then at the end of the conversation she told me she would talk to her son and make sure that he "got his head on straight" and takes one of the other cats that she was going to place up for adoption.<br><br>
So, honestly now I don't know what to think. I've been telling my daughters that we were adopting him, I have pictures of him that we look at ALL THE TIME. They ask me when he's coming home. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: Now, of course, I don't know what to say...I don't know what to think. I don't know if it's going to happen.<br><br>
She asked me to think about things and tell me how I feel. I wrote her an email stating my feelings of sadness, and my desire to give him a home. And, I wrote too that I understand as a mother the deep desire that you have for wanting your children to be happy. I of course, expressed how everyone here was excited about him, and that she had written encouraging us to get ready for him as he'd be neutered soon. How, once she offered him to me I felt so honored because I know what an awesome kitty Heaven is, and being that he is so much like her it must be very difficult for her to give up. And, that from knowing her I thought she would have never offered him to our family if she wasn't 100% sure. She said flat out on the phone not to worry, we had "first dibs" on him, not to worry in the phone conversation we had when she offered him to us.<br><br>
Anyhow. It was a long email. I am sure got it accross that I only wanted him....I told her if he wasn't going to come to our home that I would put my third kitty plans on the backburner. I was waiting for that special black, and we all thought it was him. She offered him to me, and I thought she would never do that unless she was 100% sure about it.<br><br>
I feel so stupid now for getting excited, and getting the kids excited. Maybe I should have held my breath and just not let myself get attatched to the idea. I really trusted her word on this. I hope she does follow through like she said she would and tell her son that he was already offered to another family months ago after he declined.<br><br>
So. I don't know what to think now. It's stupid that I feel so bad about this. Please give me some perspective. It hurts way more than it should. I do think, and hope that she will do the right thing. It was a BIG deal for me getting a third kitty. Even DH has been on board with it, and he is exactly what I wanted. Color/type is even nicer than my current kitty's type. Personality awesome too! I hope it's still going to happen.
 

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I don't think that there is any reason to beat yourself up for believing her, trust is a wonderful quality to posess.<br><br>
Of course you feel discombobulated - you have had the rug pulled out from under you.<br><br>
I am a big believer in listening to the "universe". You told her how you feel so now you need to step back and let what happens happen. You never know what might be around the corner - something where a 3rd cate would not be a good idea, the cat and your cats HATE each other, this was a test run to express your feelings honestly, with conviction and then letting go which you might need to repeat in the future, etc...<br><br>
If she is a person that honors her commitments then she will send the lucky cat to your home, if she is a person that does not honor her commitments then she won't. It has nothing to do with you and you have to let it go and trust that the right thing will happen. You have done your job and communicated honestly. Of course you are sad, you had expectations that might not be met.<br><br>
There are always more important things to worry about but instead of worrying about that (!) maybe you can think of how you can make this a positive for you and your family. What lesson(s) can you learn and can you teach your daughters?<br><br>
This all probably sounds hippy-dippy fru-fru but in reality trying to adjust my line of thinking in a negative situation to a positive one always helps me - hopefully somebody offers you some words that will help you.<br><br>
Keep us posted and good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>christyb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7901495"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am a big believer in listening to the "universe". You told her how you feel so now you need to step back and let what happens happen. You never know what might be around the corner - something where a 3rd cate would not be a good idea, the cat and your cats HATE each other, this was a test run to express your feelings honestly, with conviction and then letting go which you might need to repeat in the future, etc...<br><br>
If she is a person that honors her commitments then she will send the lucky cat to your home, if she is a person that does not honor her commitments then she won't. It has nothing to do with you and you have to let it go and trust that the right thing will happen. You have done your job and communicated honestly. Of course you are sad, you had expectations that might not be met.</div>
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Thank you for letting me know that I wasn't be so ridiculous in trusting her about this. And, honestly, I do still think it's going to work out with this cat. I did sense that she was really going to have a talk with her son...I don't know that she understood how important having him was to me maybe. The thing is...being a breeder she uses cats to breed and then places them in homes when she's done, she doesn't really keep them so much as pets . So, maybe she doesn't think of it the same way as I do. I really think of each cat as an individual...a special spiritual entity. So, for her talking about another cat, trying to put another cat as an option just seemed like a foreign entity to me. I mean, you can't just "exchange" one for the other. Or at least it just doesn't feel like someone should think about it that way.<br><br>
I think since I have communicated really honestly just like you said the ball is in her court...she is the one who'll have to do her part now.<br><br>
I too, believe in listening to the universe, but it's hard getting past that initial period of surprise and emotion. Before I even got Heaven I had a pre-cognitive dream...in it, there was a blue cat (who was walking towards me--Heaven)...then about three feet behind or so there was a black. I knew what it meant when I woke up. It meant that shortly after Heaven arrived her black "companion" kitty would too. I knew that the only one I was going to consider was this cat from her (who at that time I thought wasn't even possible). So, it's funny...but I had that dream and I *knew* that she was going to offer him to me someday. And she did...go figure <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: ! So, I still am very hopeful. I generally state my pre-cognitive dreams as they are. I have them rarely, and only with very important i.e. transitional phases in my life. Though, even though I see pictures of what happens often I interpret them wrong. So, sure, it could be a different black cat for all I know. BUT, the kitty had the same "energy" as Heaven so I think it is related to her. There's my spiritual side coming into play.<br><br>
Thank you for the reassurance. I just feel good knowing that what I was feeling is reasonable and OK. My DH wouldn't get it...but he doesn't have that same love for the kitties as I do.
 

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You have every right to be upset! I would be too! She led you to believe that this was <i>your</i> kitty and would be in <i>your</i> home soon. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I hope she really hears you in your email and that your kitty will be with you soon.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I agree, you have every right to be upset. I'm not sure why she was stringing you along for months though.
 

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I would be just as upset!!!<br><br>
My only "hmm" is that maybe she feels like, since you love Heaven so much, that she better not miss out on the chance to keep her bro . . .like, "Oh, if he is so fabulous, I should keep him!" Who knows!<br><br>
But, bottom line is-- there IS nothing else to do but wait. You sent the e-mail; there is nothing else within your control except to say you don't want him even if he's offered, but it sounds like you do.<br><br>
I'm gonna send vibes out there for you for the perfect pet situation!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mizelenius</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7907446"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would be just as upset!!!<br><br>
My only "hmm" is that maybe she feels like, since you love Heaven so much, that she better not miss out on the chance to keep her bro . . .like, "Oh, if he is so fabulous, I should keep him!" Who knows!<br><br>
But, bottom line is-- there IS nothing else to do but wait. You sent the e-mail; there is nothing else within your control except to say you don't want him even if he's offered, but it sounds like you do.<br><br>
I'm gonna send vibes out there for you for the perfect pet situation!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Just got back from my weekend with the inlaws!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Tired from that and have to rush out to an appointment in a little bit, so I'll type fast.<br><br>
I think Heaven is just thriving so well here BECAUSE she gets so much attention. From me and the kids...myself predominately. She has something like 15-18 cats over there, so it's not like she doesn't have plenty of different personalities to interact with.<br><br>
I do think Heaven's brother would do really well in the family. Especially as, being that he is a boy he won't be "competitive" with her (something you see in girl-girl and boy-boy pairings).<br><br>
She told me her son only knows him from having him a few days during the hurricanes a couple of years ago. Since he's like Heaven I get that...she's very outgoing and friendly. She's a bit over the top as well...but that is great for those of us who love a very quirky and demanding kitty personality.<br><br>
I think what really bugs me is that I have told her everything about how I was feeling all along, and how excited the kids were, etc. How can someone miss that and STILL ask me if I'd take another cat instead? HUH?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>edamommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7905743"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">how about REALLY "adopting" a cat from a shelter instead?</div>
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There are many reasons why someone would want to adopt an older cat who is a retired breeder/showcat. A large reason for me is that I have experience exhibiting in the altered class in CFA and am planning on doing that again. I therefore need a show quality animal with registration papers, preferable one who has been shown in the past and achieved titles (proven success is nice).<br><br>
Also, I like a certain personality which are in certain bloodlines. If I didn't have the requirement of having a show quality animal with papers from a particular breed with a specific personality then I would consider adopting a random bred cat from a shelter.<br><br>
It is considered adopting as well as it isn't purchasing a cat/kitten. Breeders look for the right family/situation for their older retirees, they don't charge for them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shenjall</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7904768"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You have every right to be upset! I would be too! She led you to believe that this was <i>your</i> kitty and would be in <i>your</i> home soon. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I hope she really hears you in your email and that your kitty will be with you soon.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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I hope she does hear me and my heart in the email! She did not reply to it, though honestly she's much better on the phone (doesn't reply to emails all the time...plus it was over the weekend and likely she was going to a show). She told me she would be in touch on the phone AND, she may be at the show this upcoming weekend which we might drive to (about 45 minutes from us).<br><br>
So, I don't know what is up...like everyone else said I just hope that she sticks to her word on this. And, if she doesn't I am just not getting another cat at this point then. I was really only interested in him. Not that there isn't "a third cat" out there somewhere for me. I am just not actively going to search. Sigh...
 

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I hope she hears you! Have you heard from her yet?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>3boobykins</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7934708"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hope she hears you! Have you heard from her yet?</div>
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Nope, I haven't heard from her yet. Giving her the benefit of the doubt this is the "end of the show season" for cat showing. Probably the busiest/most stressful month. And, I know she has a litter due this Wednesday.<br><br>
She did send out Heaven's papers over the weekend, and I got those yesterday...so I suppose if I wanted to I have an excuse to email her..."I got the papers".<br><br>
It was so sad last night...I haven't told the kids anything (I figure I don't know anything yet at this point, so why upset them you know?). Every night we tell stories...DH yesterday told a story about Heaven (the kitty last night) and called Heaven the "special kitty that Grace picked out (our one DD)". Then, my other DD piped in with "and you know what kitty I picked out, Heaven's brother Chance. He's just as nice as she is."<br><br>
OK, I could have rolled over and died. I felt such a sad stab in the heart <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: .<br><br>
I hate to say it, it was on the mind the whole weekend for me as well. We were at the inlaws and when I woke up overnight (which is frequent over there I just don't sleep well) I caught myself thinking about this whole situation. Sigh. I hate having it up in the air which is why I've been thinking about it.
 

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OH NO!!! You poor thing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: ! I would be very upset if someone did that to me. I hope things work out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Well, since it's a very busy time, I'd wait-- but I WOULD ask again. She can't keep you hanging forever!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thank you ladies for all of your support! I am so glad that I have you here to express my feelings about. DH doesn't really want to hear it....though he enjoys our cats he's not into it the way I am, and he DEFINITELY has had enough time at cat shows during his life<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> . I would say, he feels the same way about the cat shows as I feel about his coin collection. "It's nice and everything...not my thing...but I want you to be happy so go for it."<br><br>
That sort of thing.<br><br>
I have decided to drop her an email, but not directly asking flat out about the kitty. Rather about the show this weekend. There is a chance she'll be at the cat show this weekend (I don't know yet if her cat has had its kittens).<br><br>
I'll keep you all updated. It was a tough week last week (not just this...just all sorts of weird stressfull things happening). Out of nowhere I found a ladybug this morning on our bathroom sink counter....I took it as sort of a sign from the universe that things are going to be on the up and up. I had a great dentist appointment this AM...so I am hopeful the good stuff continues! Call me funny...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Did write the email...she told me yesterday her girl was showing signs of delivery soon. So! We'll get a chance to meet at the show again. More time to talk this stuff over.<br><br>
So...I am going to go there, and take my camera. I'll snap a lot of pics and post some links when I'm back!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I hope it all works out and Chance comes home to you guys soon!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Sigh...Well, I went to the show, and she wasn't there. She had written me on Wednesday thinking that her cat was going to give birth that night.<br><br>
Oh well! I briefly spoke to her husband at the end of the show. He spoke glowingly about the kitty that we were promised, but deferred me to talking to his wife about everything.<br><br>
The cats at the show were SO lovely though. Much nicer than my girl, though similar to some of the kitties I showed long ago!<br><br>
I had very mixed emotions at the end. I enjoyed it on one hand, but it reminded me too of some sad politics stuff that went on when I showed all those years ago.<br><br>
I did take a whole bunch of pictures though! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> Actually sent several of them via email to a breeder who was super nice at the show. But, now I am SO tired. I spent almost the whole day there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: .
 
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