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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My DS is a very affectionate boy. Unfortunately, he's very rough about it. Sometimes he will jump on my back out of nowhere to give me a hug or a kiss. Sometimes he rams his face into my arm when I'm not expecting it. Sometimes he hugs so hard it really hurts. Or he pokes me really hard in my upper arm and then kisses it better. It's always so he can hug or kiss me and when I'm expecting it, it's not so bad (until it starts to hurt). But when he surprises me with his hugs and kisses (and they almost always hurt) I sort of freak out a little bit. It's pain I wasn't expecting, you know? Well, even if I don't yell <b>at</b> him, just the fact that I yell out in pain makes him sad and angry. He runs away from me and sometimes cries while saying that I hurt his feelings.<br><br>
I've tried being gentle with him and explaining that he needs to be more gentle with me. That I love that he wants to hug and kiss me, but he has to stop being so rough about it. He says he understands (after the tears are gone) but he can't seem to stop doing it. I don't want him to stop being affectionate, but he has to understand that he's just being too rough with me. What can I do? I worry sometimes because there have been some near misses with him jumping on my stomach when I lie down on the couch and I'm 28 weeks pregnant.<br><br>
ETA: My DS is almost 6.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Bump <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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I would definitely tell him that your belly is off-limits. My five-year old would understand that. As to the other, I would continue to tell him when he is too rough. He needs to work on this now before the new baby arrives. Can you practice being gentle? Does he have a lovey or stuffed toy that you can practice being gentle with?
 

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Does he do this with everyone or just you? It sounds a bit like a sensory issue.
 

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Agree with pp that it sounds sensory. If so, he doesn't process how a light touch feels as good as a rough/deep touch. I bet if he gets enough rough play during the day it will resolve. You could also try massage, bear hugs, mini trampoline, and heavy work to help him. For example, my ds is in charge of carrying/pushing the laundry baskets and helping with groceries and recycling at our house. I also have a pile of dirt that he shovels from one place to another. Sounds boring to me but he loves it and it helps him regulate himself.
 

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I totally identify with this situation and if this is new behavior my theory is it has something to do with your pregnancy. My daughter just turned 4 and our new little one was born 2 months ago. She has always been active and liked to wrestle and jump and play but during my pregnancy I think it got more intense BECAUSE I got more physically defensive, iykwim. She started coming up against limits in her playing with me that hadn't existed when she was smaller and I wasn't pregnant. She is 43 inches tall and weighs around 42 lbs and by the end of my pregnancy I couldn't really carry her anymore and I was, of course, increasingly clumsy and cautious.<br><br>
Now that the baby is here it's continuing. We had a bit of a honeymoon period right at first but he's two months old now and I think she is feeling frustrated and maybe rejected because when we go to the park I stay on the blanket with the baby instead of chasing her all over the lawn and picking her up and so on...Fortunately she isn't directing it at the baby, but it is still a problem to have her leaping on me and grabbing at me.<br><br>
During my pregnancy I was able to redirect a lot of her energy to play with her Dad and that was great. I can see that over the last few months the bond between them has gotten a lot stronger.<br><br>
Now I'm a little at a loss but I'm trying to be sympathetic because I know the extra fervor is coming out of fear and frustration. She isn't getting the same attention from me that she used to and I'm sure that's scary for her. I bet your son, being older, is even more attuned to the ways his life has already changed and the ways in which it will change in the near future and he's feeling sad and frightened. I'm just trying to be consistent and gentle and I try to carve out some time just for her so she doesn't feel like she's been replaced. It's a tough balance and very upsetting when it manifests in sometimes painful displays of affection but I think as we all adjust it will settle down. I sure hope so, otherwise I'll need some football pads pretty soon, sheesh....<br><br>
Miss Chris
 

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Check out this site.<br><a href="http://mommypoppins.com/ny-kids/99-sensory-activities-for-any-child/" target="_blank">http://mommypoppins.com/ny-kids/99-s...for-any-child/</a><br><br>
There are lots of great activity ideas and it really does help. Practicing being gentle is good too, but he needs an outlet for the rough stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bluebunny</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15370463"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would definitely tell him that your belly is off-limits. My five-year old would understand that. As to the other, I would continue to tell him when he is too rough. He needs to work on this now before the new baby arrives. Can you practice being gentle? Does he have a lovey or stuffed toy that you can practice being gentle with?</div>
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He's been told that my belly is off limits unless he's kissing gently (which he <b>does</b> do sometimes and it's really just cute) or patting or just saying "Hi" to the baby.<br><br>
He's never been one of those kids that had a lovey or got attached to any stuffed toy. He has a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man plush that he sleeps with, but unless it's bedtime he kind of ignores it.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>eepster</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15370561"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does he do this with everyone or just you? It sounds a bit like a sensory issue.</div>
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It's with everyone, but he only gets really offended by me. We've been working on getting him to stop shaking people's arms really hard when he's excited to see them. He likes to wrestle with my DP (and when they do that, they are really rough with each other) but my DS sometimes has a hard time understanding when it's ok to "beat" each other up in their pretend fights and when it's not.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pbjmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15370628"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Agree with pp that it sounds sensory. If so, he doesn't process how a light touch feels as good as a rough/deep touch. I bet if he gets enough rough play during the day it will resolve. You could also try massage, bear hugs, mini trampoline, and heavy work to help him. For example, my ds is in charge of carrying/pushing the laundry baskets and helping with groceries and recycling at our house. I also have a pile of dirt that he shovels from one place to another. Sounds boring to me but he loves it and it helps him regulate himself.</div>
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We already do bear hugs (I kind of turn to the side for those so my belly isn't in the way) and he gets rough play with my DP but maybe not as much as he needs? We already do massages and I scratch his back for him when he asks. Sometimes he climbs behind me on the couch and gives me one. I have been yelling at him about jumping from the couch in his room to his bed because it shakes the house <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag"> Is this something I should be a little more lenient on? It really is harmless other than the fact that it annoys me sometimes.<br><br>
He does like to help me carry laundry baskets and I usually let him when I can.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Miss Chris</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15370653"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I totally identify with this situation and if this is new behavior my theory is it has something to do with your pregnancy. My daughter just turned 4 and our new little one was born 2 months ago. She has always been active and liked to wrestle and jump and play but during my pregnancy I think it got more intense BECAUSE I got more physically defensive, iykwim. She started coming up against limits in her playing with me that hadn't existed when she was smaller and I wasn't pregnant. She is 43 inches tall and weighs around 42 lbs and by the end of my pregnancy I couldn't really carry her anymore and I was, of course, increasingly clumsy and cautious.<br><br>
Now that the baby is here it's continuing. We had a bit of a honeymoon period right at first but he's two months old now and I think she is feeling frustrated and maybe rejected because when we go to the park I stay on the blanket with the baby instead of chasing her all over the lawn and picking her up and so on...Fortunately she isn't directing it at the baby, but it is still a problem to have her leaping on me and grabbing at me.<br><br>
During my pregnancy I was able to redirect a lot of her energy to play with her Dad and that was great. I can see that over the last few months the bond between them has gotten a lot stronger.<br></div>
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Oh, I see what you mean. Before I was pregnant and even before I got into my second trimester I used to join in on the rough wrestling with my DP and my DS. We used to fake fight together but I've backed out of it and it seems like my DP has slowed down on it as well. They still have their rough play, but it's definitely not as often as it used to be.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Needle in the Hay</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15370808"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Check out this site.<br><a href="http://mommypoppins.com/ny-kids/99-sensory-activities-for-any-child/" target="_blank">http://mommypoppins.com/ny-kids/99-s...for-any-child/</a><br><br>
There are lots of great activity ideas and it really does help. Practicing being gentle is good too, but he needs an outlet for the rough stuff.</div>
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Thanks for the link, and thank you all for the advice.
 
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