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How soon is too soon?

319 Views 7 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  bluewatergirl
I know this is all still very new (we lost Zejah Grace almost three weeks ago). But I have this incredible longing to be pregnant again. Because Zejah was delivered by c-section, I realize I need to give myself time to heal. And I don't know how I would survive another loss, if I made the choice to get pregnant and something happened.

I realize that every woman's body is different. But I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that if we do get pregnant sooner rather than later (I'm thinking July, which is 5 months after my c-section) that everything will be okay. That my uterus will withstand another pregnancy. My next pregnancy will be my 3rd c-section, I've already had two.

Does anyone have any experience (both positive and negative) with getting pregnant that soon after a repeat c-section?
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I know this isn't what you are asking about, but I wanted to weigh in on the emotional aspect of conceiving after a loss. We decide to "try again" two months after my miscarriage (which was early in my second trimester). We conceived right away, but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage in early Feb. It was an early loss and was much different physically and emotionally than the loss of my son, but it had a whole new level of PAIN because of being so soon on the heels of my first miscarriage. I felt incredibly dumb for having tried again so soon. I felt emotionally ready to handle another *pregnancy* but was NOT emotionally ready to handle another loss. So, now I feel like cautioning people from trying again "too soon."

However, that said, five months seems perfectly reasonable to me--and after that much time has passed you can check in with yourself and see if feels like a good decision for you. From what I can gather, PAL never feels "normal" or all happy-happy-joy-joy no matter how long you wait to conceive again, but I would encourage you to be as emotionally as prepared as possible for "any outcome" with a following pregnancy. I am NOT saying you will have the same experience as me at all (I certainly hope you do not!), but I felt like an absolute IDIOT to have opened myself up to the pain again so soon--the pain wasn't "fresh" pain really, it was gouged back open barely healed pain from my little Noah's death. Wow. It was indescribable.

Best wishes with your decision! I'm so very, very sorry that your precious little girl died.
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Thanks Molly,

That's a really good point. I don't know what I would do if I suffered another loss. I am so raw right now...and have no glimmer of hope or a light at the end of the tunnel. A healthy baby in my future might be the only light...but if I were to lose that baby as well...I can't even think about it.

Thanks for your insight.
(((hugs mama)))
I totally understand the desire to become pregnant again so soon after a loss.... And I think that five months is totally reasonable. We conceived not quite four months after my c-section, and have even been given the go-ahead for a VBAC. So I think you'd be completely healed (physically) by then. Emotionally.... well, that's another story... This PAL stuff is really difficult...
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I think having empty arms is a different and separate grief from the loss of a child. I was desperately sad at loosing my son, but also desperately sad because my arms were empty and that just isn't how it should be.

I didn't have a c-section, so I don't know from that aspect. We also had an early m/c after our son was stillborn and that really messed with my head. I ended up getting pregnant again 7 or 8 months after our son was stillborn & thus far all is well. It is a much different pregnancy and really hard at times, however I'm not sure that time would have made it any easier.

These are rough days for you. I'm sorry for your aching heart.
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I had a c-section, and my doctor gave me the all clear to try again after two months. I personally didn't feel that my body was ready just yet (was still having some strange pains), so I waited until 3 months after the section. It ended up taking six months to get pregnant once we started trying, but I would think that at 5 months out you would be healed plenty well enough to be pregnant again.

It's so natural to want to get pregnant again right away, and it's so hard to wait. Knowing that I was going to be TTC soon was all that got me through some of those early days. It was like a countdown.

to you.
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I had that same immediate longing too after Matthew died last May. Before I even had the c-section with him, I KNEW that I needed to get pg again. I think that's very common.

I would agree with everyone else that your uterus will be plenty healed by 5 months. My ob told me to wait 3 months.

I got pregnant 4 1/2 months after Matthew died. Sadly, I lost that baby at 16 weeks (baby died at 14 weeks) a couple of weeks ago. It was a rough pregnancy emotionally and I was terrified when I found out the baby died , waiting for the miscarriage. You can check out my blog under my user info if you want. I wrote about the worries I had, the ultrasound with no heartbeat and the subsequent emotional crap if you're interested. I'm only telling you that because I want you to know that a subsequent loss will not kill you. I am experiencing renewed grief about losing Matthew but you know, I'm ok. I'm ok enough to still want to try again in a few months.

I remember in the early weeks, all I could think about was getting pregnant again... and the intensity of that longing scared me. As the weeks went by though, the desire became less of an obsession and the waiting to TTC did get easier. I have a few other friends who have experienced the same thing. Hopefully, that can give you a tiny bit of comfort. I know the waiting seems unbearable right now.

Last thing: I really wnat you to know that I'm not sharing about my subsequent loss to scare you or deter you. I completely support you in planning another pregnancy. I just feel like there's not a lot out there about the emotional aspect of having a subsequent loss. It seemed like a big mystery to me and I wished that I had known what to expect.

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I think that incredible longing to be pregnant again comes naturally to many of us baby-loss mamas.
I also felt the same way, even still in the hospital after my son died.

What does your HCP say about TTC again?
I think 5 months sounds reasonable.

Emotionally, I think only you'll know when the time is right.
What might be "too soon" for one mama might be the right timing for another.

FWIW, my HCP suggested I wait three cycles before I TTC. (I had a vaginal birth, though.) My son was stillborn in June, and I was pregnant again in September.
Physically, the pregnancy was okay, although I was more tired than I ever remember being before.
Of course, it was tough emotionally, too . . . but I'd do the same thing over again in a heartbeat.
Because of the timing, my rainbow pregnancy mirrored that of my lost son - but I found it to be healing and life-validating rather than sad.

My thoughts are with you.
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