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I am sooooooooooooooooo ambivalent about more children. I want a baby. I don't want a baby. I want a baby. I don't want a baby. I neeeeed a baby. I don't need anymore kids. I desperately MUST HAVE A baby. Having a baby is a death wish.<br><br>
I am so confused.
 

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Anyone???
 

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Have you talked to DH? I haven't gotten to the point in my life were I had to decide about more, just when to start. I imagine, your life situation would tell you if you are "ready" for more
 

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HAHAHA!!! I am the same way!! right now...I NEED another one. I am so trying to talk DH into "C'mon...just one more...PLEASE!!!" but next week when 3 of 4 are sick and I am averaging 2 hours of sleep a night...I probably won't want anymore....then a couple weeks after that..."hey, that wasn't so bad...we got through it...what's 1 more when you already have 4"<br><br>
So funny!!!<br><br>
So today...do you want more???
 

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When you can hold a friend's newborn, completely enjoy the experience, and walk away feeling "aww, that was fun, but I'm glad to be able to hand him back." rather than "ooh, baby, baby, baby, I want one!!!!!!" then you know you're done having kids.<br><br>
Some people stop having kids before getting to that point, for a variety of reasons.
 

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Dh didn't want anymore for a long time, then the other day there was this strange glimmer where he started really fantasizing about another. We agreed that if he got a job, we'd have another (he's a PhD student in his last year)...provided we still wanted another at the time, I guess. He may very well change his mind. I figure we're young enough, we still have lots of time (he's about to turn 30, I'll be 30 in April).<br><br>
It's really just trying to decide whether or not to make the leap - once we're there, I know we'll be fine with it and just surrender to it, with all the hope for the future that entails. We both really like the idea of all the good parts - making the baby, me being pregnant (after the nausea subsides, of course), pregnant sex (that's him), the birth (he even said he wants me to have another birth and agreed to go unassisted next time!), and immediately after. It's having another <i>kid</i> I'm conflicted on. I love my boys. I know I'd love another baby. Getting there though...
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12360147"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When you can hold a friend's newborn, completely enjoy the experience, and walk away feeling "aww, that was fun, but I'm glad to be able to hand him back." rather than "ooh, baby, baby, baby, I want one!!!!!!" then you know you're done having kids.<br><br>
Some people stop having kids before getting to that point, for a variety of reasons.</div>
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That has never been the case for me. I never like other people's children, really (and I mean that in the best way, I swear). I have never in my life gotten baby fever from an actual baby. I'm a birth doula and sometimes births make me want another and other times they really don't. It depends on my mood and has more to do with thinking of me being pregnant and giving birth than about the actual baby.<br><br>
You may wonder why I had kids at all, I'm so self-absorbed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Haha, well I can definitely relate, at least.<br><br>
I have serious baby fever for most of this year.....I know I want another, because I want to give my ds the gift of having a sibling somewhere within his age range, which I never had(my sister is 11 years younger, and while we get along and I love her to pieces, we didn't get close until recently.). And because I reaaaaally want a girl. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
And then there is my biological clock. I had always thought this was a myth of some sort -- I NEVER expected for the urge to have a baby to be so <b>strong</b>. It's like this force raging inside of me! I've been totally obsessed with the idea for months now. My friends must be sick of me.<br><br>
But then there's the fact that dh and I do not agree on discipline, so we are trying to find a counselor to go to that we both like. He seems to be coming around though, at least a little. He has been noticeably more patient with ds lately and I am so proud of him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> But because of all our past conflicts, this is what my self-talk has looked like: "YES, ovulation is coming, this is the month, do it, no matter what, just try." "No, are you crazy, you and R have all these issues, it's going to be so much worse with two kids" and "OMG, the house is a MESS constantly, how on earth are you even <i>thinking</i> of having another one." "No, but I NEED a baby, NOW." "But I'm so overwhelmed with this house!" "Nope, still need to try for that baby."<br><br>
So, we tried, and now it's 2 DPO and i think we might be....but, don't know for sure yet. The plan is to try to find a counselor and get some stuff figured out, and move in December when our lease is up and downgrade a little so I don't have so much house to keep up with. I know it's not going to be easy but I know I will have a babe when the time is right and it will all work out in the end. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Sorry, that was kind of a long story. I hope you get everything figured out. It's hard dealing with baby fever! How does your DH feel about having another?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>annakiss</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12360149"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's really just trying to decide whether or not to make the leap - once we're there, I know we'll be fine with it and just surrender to it, with all the hope for the future that entails. We both really like the idea of all the good parts - making the baby, me being pregnant (after the nausea subsides, of course), pregnant sex (that's him), the birth (he even said he wants me to have another birth and agreed to go unassisted next time!), and immediately after. It's having another <i>kid</i> I'm conflicted on. I love my boys. I know I'd love another baby. Getting there though...</div>
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I believe you need to get past whatever it is you're feeling the urge to do surrounding the pregnancy, birth & babyhood, and focus on your vision for your family in say, 5 or 10 years. The pregnancy/baby part is so brief (and I think it's easy to forget how difficult it can be), so I think it's really important to decide based on how you see the shape of your family as your children grow up.<br><br>
No matter when you're done making babies, it's likely you'll mourn for your baby making years, and come to terms with knowing you'll never hold your own newborn again. I just tend to think people jump in to having another baby without even thinking past the first 2 years, and there's a lot to consider beyond that brief period.<br><br>
I've really been conflicted about this decision for the past two years, done a lot of soul searching, as well as the whole 'today, I really want another one, tomorrow I'm just as certain I don't' thing. In the past month, however, I feel like I've really identified my gut feeling about it, and become ready, somehow, to have another one. Maybe I've spent enough time agonizing over it, and have finally sat still and come to my gut feeling about it. My friends are even commenting that there's a noticable shift in the vibe I'm giving out about it lately- that they can pretty much sense my readiness.<br><br>
Something that helped me was an article I read about how we tend to make major life decisions out of either love or fear. For me, the choice to try to have another is a choice made in love, having faith that we'll find our way on a happy path with 2 kids one day. I have a ton of fear about not being able to handle it, or regretting it in the future, but I'm not going to choose based on that. I'm basing my choice in the vision I have in my head of being mom to a 13 year old and maybe 8 or 9 year old in 10 years- it just feels right to me.<br><br>
However, I think choosing to not have a baby can be a 'choice made in love', if you know that it might spread you too thin, or that you'd be bringing the baby into a rocky situation.<br><br>
But anyway, I'm done rambling. I think it's such an individual decision, obviously, but for me, something that helped was thinking about love vs. fear in my life <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Good luck!
 

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This has been a tough thing for me as well. After we had two, I was SERIOUSLY done. Then we had some major life changes such as my FIL dying a painful death from cancer, and I started to change my mind a bit. My DH REALLY wanted one more after the two we had. So, now we have three and I have issue with the huge gap in age from the middle child to our youngest, and also the odd number of kids. Trying to convince DH of baby #4 at this point. I think we'll definitely be done at that point, but it makes me sooooo sad to think that way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/crap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crap">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">How the hell do you figure out whether or not to have more?</td>
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Flip a coin? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
(sorry, I'm in a smart a$$ mood and I had to get that out)
 

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I can relate to the op. Dh and would I generally would like to have 5 children. (We have 2). Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with 2 and cannot imagine having more but would feel sad if I could not have more.<br><br>
That's why I kind of like getting pregnant by suprise I guess! That way I can't overthink things so much.
 

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We're like you, both dh & I change our minds all the time, literally. Even throughout the day. We also feel like if I were to accidently get pregnant, we'd totally be fine with it. But making the choice on our own seems so strange right now. I feel like two kids, we just had to have. But a third? Bonus! We honestly don't know. One thing that may decide is if dh gets a good job once he graduates. I told him yesterday that if money were no object, we'd have a third. But it is, so we're undecided. Only time will tell I guess. I wouldn't mind waking up 4 months pregnant one day, you know, "surprise." Then the decision would be made for me and I'd be past the scary first 3 months too!!!<br><br>
Good luck deciding. I hop on/off the fence often on this subject, we talk about it a lot too! Dh goes back and forth as well.
 

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When it goes from flip flopping to constant...<br><br>
When you realize you really, really want the kid(s) you have to be older siblings...<br><br>
When you think about your family in 10 years, and count the number of kids/teens at the dinner table, and it's more than you have...<br><br>
When you can hold in your mind all the worst things about having kids, really feeling them, and want another anyway...<br><br><br>
That's when it's time to have another.
 

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I am so right there too. I have an IUD so it is pretty damn unlikely that we'll have an accident. Planning for another seems HUGE to me right now. But I think about it often. When I'm ovulating I have those insanely strong urges that will not quiet down. One thing really holding me back is the current economy and the fact that neither dh nor I could afford to stay home with another one for more than a few months, probably 3 or 4. We each got a turn with the first two, and it hurts my heart to think of having someone else take care of one of my children for so many hours each day when they are so young.<br><br>
And there's my age (35, and couldn't do this for another year or two at least) and my kids' ages, nearly 7 and 4. Add to the mix I had one at 36 weeks and the next at 33, there's the idea of months of potential bedrest and another premature baby. But still, there are some days where the desire is so strong.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Arwyn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12368593"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When it goes from flip flopping to constant...<br><br>
When you realize you really, really want the kid(s) you have to be older siblings...<br><br>
When you think about your family in 10 years, and count the number of kids/teens at the dinner table, and it's more than you have...<br><br>
When you can hold in your mind all the worst things about having kids, really feeling them, and want another anyway...<br><br><br>
That's when it's time to have another.</div>
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This is so perfectly said! I'm totally on this page right now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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OP, I'm right with you. I think my friends must be sick to death of my constant talking about this.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Arwyn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12368593"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When it goes from flip flopping to constant...<br><br>
When you realize you really, really want the kid(s) you have to be older siblings...<br><br>
When you think about your family in 10 years, and count the number of kids/teens at the dinner table, and it's more than you have...<br><br>
When you can hold in your mind all the worst things about having kids, really feeling them, and want another anyway...<br><br><br>
That's when it's time to have another.</div>
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Beautifully said. And darn it. Because I had JUST gotten back to the point of deciding not to get pregnant again. (Again.) But yeah...I pass the have more kids test. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Arwyn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12368593"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When it goes from flip flopping to constant...<br><br>
When you realize you really, really want the kid(s) you have to be older siblings...<br><br>
When you think about your family in 10 years, and count the number of kids/teens at the dinner table, and it's more than you have...<br><br>
When you can hold in your mind all the worst things about having kids, really feeling them, and want another anyway...<br><br><br>
That's when it's time to have another.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">: Yes, this!
 

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I am losing my mind over this, too. For me, my absolute maximum number of kids is two, no way in he!! am I having more than that. But OH do I want that second one. But it would be insane. It would be crazy and stupid and biting off more than I can chew and neither of our kids would have as good a standard of living as our dd does now and our marriage would suffer and there is no good reason to do it. But I want another one. And if I had two, that would be IT, the decision would be MADE.
 
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