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First, a little background about me. I lost my first pregnancy in February at 19 weeks--no heartbeat on the u/s; based on the size they estimated the time of death at 15 weeks or so. Never found out why.<br><br>
I thought I had done a good job of working through my grief; having to wait to get pg again made it harder. I had an induction and two D&Cs so I had to wait 4 cycles to try again, and then it didn't happen immediately.<br><br>
Now I am 19 weeks pregnant, and about as nervous as you might imagine, this week in particular.<br><br>
So here's my question, esp to anybody who had a late miscarriage or stillbirth: how and when did you announce that you were pregnant? So far, we've only told a handful of people--our parents and our bosses, and a couple of friends who've also experienced similar losses.<br><br>
We had decided early on we'd probably be more comfortable waiting for the 20-week ultrasound (since that was how we found out the first time), although now that I'm feeling the baby move I'm not so sure we still need to, but I still don't want to start spreading the news. I feel like I'd be fine with everybody knowing, but I don't want to have to do the telling. I'm just not excited, and I don't know if I can face other people's delight... I'm happy but I'm also so nervous that I don't know how I would handle people's reactions. I'm in no mood to start making with the happy happy joy joy I know I will get when the news starts making the rounds.<br><br>
To complicate things, my mother has started dropping hints to people. I was chatting with Mom and another woman at church, who asked me how I was doing. I said I was doing well. My mother beamed and said "She's doing extremely well!" I must have given her a rather black look, because the woman (bless her heart) said "I didn't hear anything."<br><br>
I can tell that some people at church (and probably at work too) are guessing. I know I am showing enough that some people have figured it out, but almost every one of them is respecting my privacy by either saying nothing, or asking me cheerfully how I am doing (and respecting the fact that I'm not taking their invitation to share my news) or asking me privately if I'm pg. Everybody except my mother. When I called her on it, she just said that I'm obviously showing, so why not tell people? IMO it really isn't that obvious, but it sure will be if she keeps dropping hints. My mother had a miscarriage too, so I thought she "got it" but we definitely don't see eye to eye on this one.<br><br>
Have any of you experienced anything like this? I'm not sure I'm thinking straight about any of this--I can't even really figure out whether I'm right to be hurt by this, or she's right and I should just suck it up and start telling people.
 

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Well, we lost Emma during labour at 40 weeks last October. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant.<br><br>
We really ~haven't~ announced it - my husband's work colleagues still don't know!! We did tell my bff, grandparents and other close family at 11 weeks (we had wanted to wait a bit longer but my mum called me on it). We made it clear that we had no plans to go public until after our 20 week scan. In our case, people were respectful because we have 2 older children and we were very firm that we didn't want anyone random knowing before them. Since we told them 10 weeks ago, it's not a secret (they're kind of my mini town criers!!!) but I still haven't come out and told mothers at the school gate or church - I've just let them notice.<br><br>
My bff (bless her) has had a lot of people sidle up to her and ask "Is Jill, er......" long pause?? (which she deliberately lets hang just for fun!!!) so she's fielded a lot of the tough stuff for me. It isn't that I'm trying to be obstructive it's just simply that neither DH and I want to discuss this pregnancy with people we don't know that well. We found that most people were very sympathetic after our daughter died but that a new pregnancy has opened a whole new round of "foot in mouth". People really think this baby makes the last loss "okay", that this baby somehow replaces our daughter, or - my personal bugbear - "it'll be fine this time". Really? Could I get the lottery numbers along with that prediction? I understand why people do it - they want to be hopeful but I don't have the emotional wherewithall to deal so not formally announcing has minimised it a bit and allowed me to cherish this pregnancy as something precious and sort of "secret" (although I'm the size of a small elephant now so I think I'm kidding myself on that now.)<br><br>
I think you're entitled to ask your mum to respect your wishes with regards to your privacy. My mum was very excited and wanted to tell but she did understand, once I'd explained it, that whilst I might be "showing", it was a question of being in the right emotional place to talk about the new pregnancy.
 

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I. like Jill, lost a 40 week baby. On my subsequent pregnancy, I really didn't tell anybody. My husbands family found out at about 22 weeks because we were traveling but my family didn't know until about 30 weeks. Which, I'm certain they are still mad about. I'm about 16 weeks into my 2nd baby after a loss. My husband told his family, I haven't told mine. I just find it very difficult to "announce" a pregnancy. I know it has something to do with my feelings about replacing the one who died. I find it awkward and try to avoid it until the last possible moment. Some of work colleagues have guessed. I'm wearing pregnancy clothes so I'm not hiding it. It just don't feel like talking about it to people.
 

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My last pregnancy, which was after a stillbirth, I posted my positive pregnancy test on my blog. So close friends and family knew immediately. Officially I never told anyone in person, which was something I wanted to avoid. Dh's work barely even knew until he had to take off for the birth. I didn't mind people knowing, I just didn't want to have conversations about it.
 

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I also lost my first full term at birth. When we got pregnant, we told everyone right away. We knew that, should the worst happen, we would want everyone's support. Hell, just the stress of going through this pregnancy causes us to lean on our friends and family for support.<br><br>
If you want people to know, tell them you are expecting again and make it clear that this is your 2nd child, this child will never replace the one you lost. We refer to Jareth a lot as Gideon's little brother, just to remind people that he not replacing our first born, he's just another bundle of wonderful in our life. When you initially announce it, I would say feel free to tell people that some parts of this pregnancy are going to be very hard for you and that while you appreciate their happiness and support, you are not ready to receive their congratulations. Tell them it is hard to talk about sometimes and that if you feel like talking about it, you will initiate the conversation.<br><br>
*hugs* It's a hard place to be. I will tell you that I hope everything goes well for you and that your announcement, however you choose to make it or not, goes well and stops stressing you out.
 

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I have had two losses, one at 13 weeks other at 19. During my 13 week loss, nobody knew we were pregnant as we preferred to wait till 12 weeks but hadnt seen our family yet so it just wasnt announced when suddenly I was at hospital and had all this ruckus in our home. It was then we Had no choice but do some explaining. There after I decided we just might as well announce it right away, should you loose the baby it is nice to have a support system instead of having to explain what is up during a difficult time looking for support( babysitters ect.)<br>
That is just my experience of that.
 
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