Mothering Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
619 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We're happily breastfeeding at 13 mos and our plans are to allow for baby-led weaning, which could be in another year or longer... Many of my mommy friends, whom I respect dearly, have either chosen not to breastfeed, or have stopped for various reasons. When they ask me if I'm still breastfeeding, they always ask "but can't they have cow's milk now?" and I'm not sure how to sensitively answer them, esp. if they were formula-feeding their babies or are no longer breastfeeding. I want to respect them and their decisions and still portray confidence in my decision. I have no problem talking with non-moms or mom's-2-be about the benefits, but I want to make sure I don't offend a non-breastfeeding mom or a mom who has chosen to wean earlier. I feel kind of funny saying "well, it's the best thing for them..." or talking about nutrition, esp. if their baby never breastfed... so all I say is "yes, we are still nursing"...<br><br>
So then - they think that since I wear a sling, still breastfeed, and sleep with the babies, that the babies are incredibly clingy to me and I'm not raising good independent thinkers who can tolerate other people and kids and situations. Lo and behold, the babies are right in the middle of the clingy times -- and I think my babies are pretty independent from what I've seen out there.<br><br>
Any advice would be great!<br>
thanks!<br><br>
susan<br>
twin girls 7.20.02<br>
charlotte & else
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,142 Posts
You can say something like<br><br>
"I'm very happy with my choice."<br><br>
or<br><br>
"I did some reasearch and I'm confident that this is the choice I want to make"<br><br>
or<br><br>
"my doctor says_____________" (Your doctor can be one from a book or website such as Dr. Gordon <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,133 Posts
I would say, "This is what I feel is best for *my* child and for *our* relationship." You speak the truth, but you own your own choice, and you imply that the other parent owns her own choice as well.<br><br>
As for the cow's milk comment, I might say that yes, perhaps they *could* have cow's milk, but that it isn't necessary, and that breastmilk still has wonderful benefits that you wish your child to continue receiving.<br><br>
Even though I am unable to bf (my child is adopted--no success at inducing lactation), I have found the same struggle with other aspects of AP--standing up for what I believe in w/o offending people, yet not minimizing my commitment to the things I feel are right by being self-deprecating. Sometimes I have felt that in order to spare people's feelings, I've come across like I accidentally "fell into" some of our practices (co-sleeping, etc.) and that I don't have the gumption to change. That's definitely not the message I want to portray!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
500 Posts
I would focus on the emotional aspect, and perhaps the immunological aspect, rather than the nutritional aspect.<br><br>
Maybe remind them that your girls are still getting the immunological benefits of breastfeeding, and that with twins, this makes life so much easier, because if one were to get sick, chances are the other one would, too, and then you'd have to deal with two cranky babies at once.<br><br>
And maybe you can explain that you feel your girls still have an emotional need for breastfeeding, because it makes them feel close to you, even if your attention sometimes must be divided between the two of them. I will say, though, that I have friends who did not bf or only did so for a few months, and we have a mutual understanding. However, if a mother didn't breastfeed long or at all, and is not familiar with extended breastfeeding, it seems that they just don't usually "get" the emotional aspect of it. They tend to recognize the emotional side as more of a want than a need. So you can try this angle, but don't be surprised if they still don't quite understand.<br><br>
You don't have to justify your choice any more than they have to justify theirs. So if you briefly explain your reasons, and then just let it go, that should suffice. And hopefully they will show the same respect towards your parenting that you show towards theirs. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,808 Posts
Spu, at 13 months are you still exclusively nursing? If not, are you avoiding dairy, or do you allow your girls to have any dairy-containing solids?<br><br>
If the girls are eating some solids, but you are avoiding dairy, you could simply say "We don't use dairy products because of the allergen factor." Or if you do allow dairy, you could say, "Of course they can have dairy products occasionally!" In a tone of confused surprise, like the one has nothing to do with the other. (because of course, it doesn't! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">)<br><br>
On the other hand, if you are still exclusively breastfeeding, you could just gesture to your obviously healthy and thriving sweethearts and say. "Well, I must be doing something right--just look at them!" Actually, you can use that line no matter what! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
I personally have used the second reply quite often with good sucess:<br>
"Are you <i>still</i> breastfeeding that boy?"<br>
"Well, yes!"<br>
"Don't you/Aren't you going to ever give him cow's milk?" (or the one I really like--<i>real milk</i>??<br>
"Sure, I give him cow's milk and other dairy sometimes...why do you ask?"<br><br>
Usually, they have no idea what to say then!<br><br>
Blessings to you!<br><br>
Sarah (SAHM to Elisha, (02/28/02) and expecting miracle #2, (EDD 03/25/04)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
Well, putting myself in your shoes I could totally see the non-confrontational side of myself playing down how important breastfeeding is - just so as not to look like a snob or offend the other person HOWEVER I think in the end I would try my best to be brave and leave the person with a positive view of sustained breastfeeding. I'd probably say something that has to do with the fact that children all over the world are breastfed for at least 2 years. Also quoting the WHO that breastfeeding should continue for at least two years. Kinda general, non-threatening that way.<br><br>
You should read Dr. Newman's article on breastfeeding and Guilt. I unfortunately am not whiz at providing links and such, but maybe someone else here can.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,290 Posts
You could say 'yes, they can have cows milk, but that doesn't mean they can't still nurse, too'.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,869 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">and I even had one person claim that my daughter was going to have "marks on her face from being nursed through the schoolyard fence".</td>
</tr></table></div>
Oh, this just begs for a response of "are you always this ignorant and rude or are you saving it just for me?'<br><br>
Perhaps on the cow milk question you could respond with a question. "What does her drinking of cow milk have to do with her nursing?" Same question could apply to her eating other foods too. Make Them have to think about it.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">You don't have to justify your choice any more than they have to justify theirs. So if you briefly explain your reasons, and then just let it go, that should suffice. And hopefully they will show the same respect towards your parenting that you show towards theirs.</td>
</tr></table></div>
Exactly!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,959 Posts
Well, I think I'd still reply with "why bother with cow's milk if I have human milk?". I'd also probably throw in something like "well it's just so good for them and since I'm quite happy doing it, why stop?". That way you get in the fact that it is healthy and beneficial (and not "just for you") but you also make it clear that it's a choice you're making b/c you are happy with it; suggesting that you respect whatever their reasons were for stopping.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
409 Posts
Maybe...there's nothing in cows milk they can't get from my milk, the same can't be said for the other way around.<br><br>
Or just say that you believe that cow milk is for baby cows, and hopefully they'll respect you as much as you respect them and get the hell over themselves & their own guilt or whatever they have <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I don't think I would tip toe all daintily around an issue/question for someone who wouldn't extend me the same courtesy as I would show them.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top